Chapter 53: I Will Get You Out of my Mind

TERESA.

I was motionless, stunned, petrified. Bash and Liam’s requests threw me into the deepest abyss endlessly, and I fell incessantly. I tried clinging to the edges, but my hands seemed numb and I slipped deeper and deeper. I was boiling with anger, helplessness, shame ... my efforts to stay rational were in vain.

I simply crawled on my elbows in horror, as if I wanted to get to a certain place where my being would be sheltered. My grimaces had turned into hateful frowns, as if asking for an explanation that was no longer coming. What was to be explained?

That he used me so far for my miraculous blood? That without me, that serum was useless? And where had his promises gone? The way he looked at me, the way he spoke to me, or the way he possessed me. Were they also outright lies?

Have they meticulously thought-out strategies based on his deviant intentions?

Suddenly, it was as if my body was empty inside. It seemed to wander in the mind’s darkness and became so confused that it could no longer find a way out. I couldn’t even guide it because I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, and where I was going.

I entered this forest for fear that we could not get out. Now I wanted the earth to open and drag me into the dark. There was a battle in my soul, a war between this heart of mine with many weaknesses, one of them being Sebastian and my brain, in which reason now categorically rejected him for reasons easy to understand.

I refused to believe that somewhere in the depths of his reason lay such a treacherous motive. With all my being, I rejected the idea that I was just a laboratory subject with the sole purpose of being an experiment.

“Teresa, if you don’t help him now, he will die! Sebastian will die without your blood; can you hear me?” Liam shouted as hard as he could, trying to cover the voices in my mind, telling me to get out of there and not look back, even if it hurt.

Because God, how it hurts! Hell was nothing compared to the flames in my heart. A pain that actually tore me apart, split me in half.

And that’s exactly what I did. I went out, leaving the man I loved in the hands of fate, in the clutches of death. I leaned against the outer wall of the house, looking at the same sky I had seen so infinitely just hours before; the witness of our love.

Now it was witnessing my downfall in a vicious circle, and my desperate attempt to wake up from this nightmare, somewhere on a beach, feeling the warm breeze on my face and not leaving. To have stood still, to have given a chance to my tragic destiny.

But then fleeting images of my father came to mind, as he promised to return and did not. Since then, I have stifled any memories of him, which I have hidden deep in my lonely, traumatized subconscious. I denied him any chance of finding me.

I only remembered his face as this stubborn subconscious wanted to remember it; as an indefinite one, erased by the mist of time.

The chilly morning air awakened all my senses. Flashbacks from last night’s events came to mind. I stood motionless while the man I loved with everything I was, despite what had happened, was dying inside the cottage.

Liam had sheltered him from the cold. But did he feel the cold in my soul as I did? Did knowing that it was up to me for him to live gave him this right to use me in the lowest possible way?

When the loved one suffered, when he was on the verge of death, the other half would do even the impossible to save the one they care about. Then why can’t I? It was simple.

The way he acted, in silence, approaching me, entering my heart, making my life his. Now he was struggling for a breath of air. I could still hear Liam...

“Teresa, please ... if Bash really means anything to you, help him!”

Oh God, but he really meant something: despair, deception, high-class betrayal. But at the same time, I had no right to decide whether he would die or live. That was God’s business. I could help him instead, but with what consequence?

Suddenly, I got up to my feet, wiped away my tears, and made a decision that would affect us forever. One that, although it was in my power, I did it out of pure humanity and nothing more.

Love does not simply disappear from one day to the next. It took us so long to build, to flourish, to sow trust and respect. But once the disappointment made its way between us, there was no turning back. Only the humanity in me kept pushing me to help him.

I stepped into the death chamber where Bash was trying his best to stay alive. I wonder what these demons had so special as to bring an Alpha in such a state that Sebastian was in?

If things continued like this and there were more, could it mean the extinction of werewolves? Or if I save him now, he would use me as a lab object for his serum, and everyone would be happy.

I was the solution. It all started or ended with me. But I would not let these… beasts manipulate me and use me to their liking. It seemed like I wasn’t too human either, so I wasn’t defenseless.

I just defeated an army of demons that came from the depths of hell. That must have meant something, too.

I didn’t wait for Liam to call me a third time. I came slowly to Bash, leaning over him. His eyes expressed physical and perhaps emotional suffering. But I couldn’t be sure if all this was part of the game or treacherous. It didn’t even matter anymore.

Guided as if by an invisible force that showed me exactly what to do, I untied my sleeve, leaving my wrist free. I needed to bleed for him. And I did. With a sharp piece of wood found on the floor, I knowingly injured myself.

The pain of the cut does not compare to the pain and disappointment in my heart. I was doing everything remotely guided, like a robot doing what they programmed it to do. Without being able to control them, tears fell like rain in the middle of summer, warm but painful.

The little obedient robot had to do its job by the book, without the slightest mistake. I was being watched by Liam as if I were taking the exam of my life. “Don’t worry, your friend will live!”

I also knew that only my blood would not completely heal him. I had heard that they needed something else. Blood being the key ingredient.

But at least it will slow down the spread of death in his body. As we speak, he was healing, but not fast enough not to endanger his life.

The drops of life flowed slowly to Bash’s half-open mouth as I moved my hand closer. There was no need for a bigger wound. I could already see how it worked.

Sebastian’s cheeks flushed. His vigor returned to his body, and the wounds closed slowly but surely. It would probably weaken him for a while and he would need protection.

His pack woulf do it without the slightest hesitation, but who will protect me? Who will heal my wounded soul? In the end, there was no one to answer my questions. Sebastian would not be that person. I won’t allow it.

It healed him enough to look me in the eye. He was still weak, but he was alive and that pleased me. I saved his life because I chose to do so, because common sense and good growth were dominant and because I could not afford to play with the life of a man, even being a beast.

His gaze got loaded with a mix of feelings I didn’t understand now. Normally I should have jumped on his neck, filled him with kisses, made my heart tremble with joy.

But I didn’t feel like doing any of this. The wound in my soul was so deep that I don’t think it will ever heal, not in this life. He knowingly lied to me and that took away any right from loving and caring for me and our love.

Because even though it was damn hard for me to admit, I still loved him. His intense gaze still startled me. I still long for his touch, his smell, his arms where I once felt so safe.

But these were things of the past now, and they will remain there. In a dark, hopeless, painful past because he did not allow us to have a future.

I find it hard to get Sebastian Gallagher out of my mind and heart, but I’ll achieve that even if it was the last thing I will ever do.