Chapter 11

Kelsey let the hot water run over her for a few minutes. She had hoped that it would feel soothing, but it wasn’t working. As soon as Gage had walked out the door, she’d bypassed the coffee and climbed in the shower. When she’d opened her eyes this morning, it had been as if she was stuck in a strange world, one that felt suffocating. There was so much to digest; she didn’t think she was going to be able to do it without choking.

Flipping the taps off, she grabbed a towel and got out. Wrapping another around her head, she stepped up to the mirror and wiped the fog off it. Studying her reflection, she didn’t see anything she hadn’t been seeing every day and yet she was supposed to believe that the face looking after her was some sort of tiger. What would she look like? Sighing, she turned around and began to dry off.

It was absolutely unforgiveable that all of this had been kept from her for so long. Yes, she understood the reasoning behind Ed and Beth not telling her right away. It probably would have crushed her completely at that point in her life, but to let it go on this long? There was no excuse good enough.

Tossing the towel over the shower rod, she stared at the wall. She couldn’t believe the men that had been her whole world since she was fifteen had kept this from her.

Thinking about Gage, just made her feel more confused than ever, so she tried hard to keep him out of her thoughts completely. Gary, she understood, getting two words out of him on a good day was performing nothing short of a miracle, but Jake and Cooper? She was close to them. How could they go every day without telling her? And Blair? Oh, she saw red when she thought of him keeping this from her. They’d talked once a week while she was away, sometimes more.

That was three years of conversations. She’d only seen him a couple times when she’d come home and it hadn’t been long enough, but he was good at his job, so some crews requested him when Ed had to send someone, but still…

Pulling on her jeans, she scowled at the woman in the mirror. How could he talk to her about every bloody thing under the sun and never, ever once mention any of this? With a growl of frustration, she dug around in her housecoat for her phone. She didn’t even pause when she brought up Blair’s number and typed three words.

COME HERE NOW

She hit send and tossed the phone on the counter. Pulling on her t-shirt, she grabbed the phone and went back out to the kitchen.

It took some doing on her part to be sitting at the table looking calm when Blair slowly walked into the room.

“Hey, sweetie, how are you doing?” He glanced at the cup she held between both hands and in his easy glide, moved behind her to the coffee pot.

She sat there and waited, not saying a word. Actually, not even knowing what to say that wasn’t going to come out sounding scornful and vicious. He came back around to sit at the end of table so they were only a foot apart.

He took a sip and then set the cup down and looked at her. His eyes moved over her face, she tried to read what he was thinking, but Blair was too good at masking his thoughts for her to get a glimpse.

He gave her one of his lopsided grins, “Are you all right? I wanted to come see you last night, but…”

“Why didn’t you tell me? You of all people, the one I counted on the most…” She shook her head and looked down at her cup. “Why?”

Blair blew out a breath and reached for her hand, she pulled it off the table and clasped it in her lap with her other one.

“I wanted to; I really did.” He sighed and leaned back in the chair, watching her without blinking. If she hadn’t been used to it, she would have been bothered, but it was just a Blair thing. “I almost did so many times.” Running a hand across the side of his face, he sighed again. “I’m sorry, sweetie.” He shook his head. “More than you will ever know.”

In all the years she had known him, she had never heard him use that soft, angst filled tone. “I don’t know what to think, Blair.” She got up and went over to the counter and leaned against it. “Everyone that was important in my world…” She gave a frustrated growl when she felt her eyes tearing up again. “…everyone that was my world lied to me.” She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply to keep control of her emotions. “You lied to me for years.” She looked back at him.

“I never once lied to you, Kelsey.” His eyes held hers. “I didn’t tell you, but I sure as hell didn’t lie to you.”

Taking a deep breath, she held it and closed her eyes again. He was right, but that didn’t make what he did okay. Opening them, she blew out the breath and glared at him. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

He sat there, looking at her, a pained expression on his face. “What can I do?”

She shook her head, a sound of disbelief escaping her mouth. That was so typically Blair. He always thought he could fix things. Shaking her head, she hugged her arms around her waist. “I can’t even sort it all out Blair, and you sure as hell can’t make it all better.”

Leaning forward, he rested his arms on the table and dropped his head into his hands. She could feel the anxiety coming off him but wasn’t able to stir up enough empathy at the moment to do anything. “Finding out about my parents was…”

His head jerked up. “You were devastated when you came here. How the hell were we supposed to tell you what really happened to them?” He motioned in the air. “How could we tell you without telling you everything after that point?” With his brows furrowed, he studied her for a few seconds. “Could you have handled all of this when you were sixteen? Seriously, maybe finding out you were a shifter at sixteen would have been kind of cool, but finding out about your folks?” He made an exasperated noise in his throat. “How about finding out that a man was your mate? Not a teenager like you, but a fully-grown man?”

Kelsey knew he wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t the truth, but she still couldn’t see past them not telling her when she was eighteen or twenty, even last year. “Maybe I couldn’t handle it then, but I’m twenty-three now. I’m a big girl, and someone should have told me,” she yelled the last part at him.

Blair was on his feet, closing the distance between them in a few long strides. “We couldn’t…”

Kelsey snorted. “Couldn’t? That’s crap and you know it!” He was right in her face then, but she refused to back off. “I’ve been thinking I was losing my mind, Blair.” She was still yelling. “And you of all people knew that!” She shoved at his chest, only getting more frustrated because she didn’t even move him. “You talked to me every week for three years and said nothing.” The tears were rolling down her cheeks now, but she refused to wipe them away. Let him see them, let him feel as helpless as I feel right now, she thought.

“I couldn’t.” His tone was low and controlled.

She stared up at him, his pale eyes blurring through the tears. “Wouldn’t,” she whispered and then turned her back on him to stare out the window.

Smacking his hand down on the counter beside her, he pulled her by the arm and turned her to face him. “We were under orders from our Alpha. I get that you don’t understand how that works, but when your alpha gives you an order you damn well follow it.”

She had never heard so much emotion from him before, his voice shook with it. Blinking, she brought him into focus as she struggled to understand what he was saying. Shaking her head, the tears flooded her vision again, she couldn’t understand why Ed would do that to her. Her shoulders began to shake as she tried to control the sobs that were building inside her. “I…” She didn’t get another word out before she was crushed against his chest, his arms surrounding her.

Later she would regret it, but she fell apart in the shelter of his arms, sobs wrenching from her body and tears flowing.

Blair just stood there and let her, his hand rubbed slowly up and down her back as he cradled her head into the warmth of his chest. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered to her over and over.

Kelsey didn’t know how much time went by until she couldn’t cry any more, and then she just stood there feeling completely drained. Her cheek stuck to his wet shirt. “No one told me you were ordered not to tell me.” She leaned back and looked up at him. “Why wouldn’t you guys tell me that instead of letting me think otherwise?”

Lifting his shirt, he wiped her cheeks off with it and gave her a grieved look. “We’re just dumb males, sweetie, who knows why we do half the crazy shit we do.”

She smiled—she couldn’t help it. Inhaling, she stopped when a strange smell came to her. It was nothing like she’d smelled before, wholly masculine but unusual. Leaning forward she fought back her embarrassment and sniffed at Blair’s neck. He stiffened, his hands sliding slowly down her arms and then gradually dropping away. “Um…” She looked up at him again, his pale blues eyes watching her cautiously. “Why can I smell you?”

Taking a shaky breath, he stepped back from her and wiped a hand down over his wet shirt. “It’s…” He shrugged but didn’t look at her. “It’s probably just your new senses kicking in a bit.” Tucking his shirt into his jeans, he looked at her from beneath his long pale lashes. “I wouldn’t worry about. It will come and go for a while and then you’ll get used to it when it’s enhanced all the time.”

Blowing out a breath, she brushed the hair back from her face. “Well, at least you don’t smell bad.”

He smiled a stiff grin. “Good to know.” Clearing his throat, he hunched down and cupped the side of her face. “Are we okay now?”

Inhaling slowly, she closed her eyes and stood there for a moment trying to see what she was feeling. Opening her eyes, she nodded. “As okay as possible right now.”

Dropping his hand, he tucked his hand into his pocket and gave her one of his patented charming Blair smiles. “Good.” His eyes searched her face for a few seconds. “You need to eat, Kelsey. You can’t skip a single meal right now.”

She nodded. “Yeah, Gage said something about that.” She shrugged. “I’m not really hungry…”

“Doesn’t matter.” He looked around the kitchen. “Even something light will be better than nothing at all.”

Kelsey sighed. “I got it.” Picking up her cup, she sipped to see if the coffee was still warm. “Is there anything else other than not eating that’s a no-no?” Would the things she needed to learn ever stop, she wondered.

Blair cleared his throat and moved past her to the fridge. “Well, yeah there’s…” He opened the fridge and leaned in it. Pulling out eggs, he set the carton on the stove and then grabbed the milk. “There’s one thing.” He glanced at her hesitantly over his shoulder.

“What?” She didn’t know if she wanted to know with him being hesitant to tell her. Blair didn’t do hesitant; he did straight on blunt, nothing less. He knew where everything was here, she thought as he grabbed a pan from the cupboard and set it on the stove and then turned and looked at her.

“Don’t, uh…” He looked down at the floor for a second and then back to her. “Don’t go sniffing any of the guys right now.” He motioned to her. “Not while you smell as inviting as you do.” He shook his head. “Jesus, if Gage had seen that, he would have snapped my neck before he even realized he’d moved.”

Kelsey’s cheeked went hot and her jaw dropped. She slapped a hand over her mouth and then dropped it again. “I-I didn’t, I’m not sure why…” Fanning her face with her hand, she stared at him, eyes wide.

“Hey.” He moved across the floor and grasped her shoulders lightly. “Hey. It’s okay. It’s only me, and you didn’t know.” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms a few times until she nodded, then he released her and stepped back over to the stove.

“I’m sorry, Blair, I completely forgot about that.”

He chuckled. “You say that like it’s a disease.” Glancing over his shoulder, he winked at her. “It’s animal magnetism at its best, babe.”

Rolling her eyes at him, she leaned her hip against the counter and sipped the cool bitter liquid. “I guess I’m safe with you, huh? Nothing sexier than your little sister sniffing at you.” She grinned until he stiffened and turned slowly.

“I’ve never seen you as my sister, sweetie—just off limits.”

She stood there with her mouth hanging open, not able to form any words.

“Close your mouth. Flies will land on your tongue.” He turned back to the stove.

Shaking her head, she set the cup down on the counter and moved to see his face. “You just decided to tell me this out of the blue?”

He shrugged and kept his focus on the eggs in the pan. “I wasn’t going to give you another reason to say I lied to you or kept something from you.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “But, as of right now, for years actually, you’ve always been off limits, regardless of my feelings.”

In the last few days, she’d had all sorts of information dumped on her, but this honestly shocked her. “Because of this mate thing?” She hadn’t realized she spoke out loud.

“Second thing that’s a law you just don’t break, after following an alpha order, is you don’t mess with someone’s mate.” He made eye contact with her for a second.

Sighing, Kelsey crossed her arms over her chest and watched him stir the eggs around in the pan. “I don’t even know how to feel about that right now. It’s still out of my grasp.”

Turning the burner off, he set the pan aside and reached around her to get a plate. Scooping the eggs onto the plate, he held it out to her. “Never having found my mate, I can’t tell you from experience.” She took the plate as he turned her toward the table. “All I can tell you is your cat, you, will know if he’s what you want.”

She sat down and watched him get her a fork. Handing it to her, he turned back to the counter and grabbed her mug. She took a small bite of the eggs and waited for him to come back to the table. “I had a mad crush on Gage when I was seventeen.”

Sitting in the chair at the end of the table again, he nodded. “I remember quite clearly.”

Studying him, she took another bite and tried to recall if she’d said something to him to tell him.

He smirked. “You didn’t hide your feelings. They were obvious to me.” He shrugged. “And I was the lucky idiot that ran interference for him the most while he was struggling to let you grow up before he went all mate-like on you.”

Her cheeks heated again. She’d never thought of that side of it. At the time Gage spent most of his time avoiding her or pissing her off. Sighing, she set the fork down. “I’ve spent years wondering.” She glanced over at him but couldn’t hold his stare. “I thought maybe he doesn’t see me as a sister…” She shook her head not sure how to finish it.

Blair reached over and picked up her fork and held it out to her. “I know. In three years, I don’t think you mentioned his name once when I called.”

Taking the fork, she took another small bite so her wouldn’t start feeding it to her. “I was that obvious, huh?”

He smirked and then tilted his head to the side and looked at her. “Only to me.” With an exaggerated glare, he motioned to her plate.

Sighing, she took another bite and then played with the eggs, moving them around the plate. “I don’t know how to feel now, Blair. I mean, I always liked Gage, but finding out the things I have in the last few days changes my view on a lot of things.”

“How so?”

She went to set her fork down again and then thought it would be best if she took a bite before she did. Swallowing, she sat back and studied him. He sat perfectly still, just watching her, noticing every move she made. It dawned on her that he’d always been that way and she’d never thought a thing about it, but now he looked like a predator. Sighing, she bit her lip for a second. “Before wanting to be with Gage felt like a normal…” She waved a hand around, not sure of the word she was looking for. “…urge. Now, to find out it has nothing to do with anything normal and that I don’t have a choice…”

He held up his hand and sat forward. “You always have a choice. He can’t do a damn thing unless you accept him. If anything happens that you don’t want, you come find me…”

“But you just said…”

“What I said was you don’t mess with someone’s mate, implying that it’s a done deal. But if you don’t want him, that’s a totally different battle I’m willing to fight.”

A chill ran down her spine, his whole posture had changed his eyes too and she could see he was a lethal man that she’d befriended years before. She thought of how he looked when he was his tiger and she smiled. “You’re a very pretty cat, by the way.”

Blair snorted and stood up. “Pretty cat is not what a man wants to hear.” He looked down at her. “I should go. Are you going to be okay now?”

Shaking her head, she offered him a weak smile. “I have no idea.” She didn’t want him to go; she missed spending time with him the last few years. Everything was easier when he was there. Standing up slowly, she moved around the table and hugged him. “Thank you.”

“Jesus, Kelsey, don’t thank me.” He hugged her back briefly and then stepped out of her reach. “I haven’t done anything to deserve your thanks.” Looking at her for a few more moments, he nodded and stepped back toward the door. “Make sure you eat, regularly.” He stopped and exhaled in a long breath. “Don’t make any rash decisions in the next few days; just let it all soak in for a while.” She nodded. “Call if you need me, I’ll always be there for you.” With that, he turned and left.

She stood there looking at the door. That had felt so final, but not. Sighing, she looked down at the half-finished plate of eggs. As she sat back down, she couldn’t help but think of Blair not seeing her as a sister. Laughing quietly, she took a bite of her eggs. It would have simplified her life a lot if she’d known years ago. Blair was someone she could have been with then; he didn’t have that dangerous feeling like Gage. She grinned, knowing he’d love that description even less than being called a pretty cat.

By the time she had finished eating she realized she felt a bit better. Whether it was the food or getting answers from Blair, she wasn’t sure, but she’d take it. Cleaning up the few dishes she decided it was time to go tackle the files in the office and see if she could make any sense out of things. Clearly, she couldn’t go anywhere, not with the unknown of this change she was going to go through, so she needed to find her place here again.