Chapter 64: Matt

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror later that night. It was nearing one in the morning, and despite the red rim around my eyes, the taste of old booze on my tongue, and the weakness in my limbs, I was too wound up still to sleep. God, I looked like shit and I felt like it too. How Renee could love a cheating bastard like me was beyond any insight I had into our relationship. I hated myself right now, and I had no idea how I was going to break the news of my kissing another woman. A colleague, no less, during a scene that had been witnessed by my best friend.

Rubbing a hand over my five-o-clock stubble, I sighed and cranked on the shower to hot, hoping the scalding temperature of the water would help wash off the day. All I’d intended on doing was going to this thing tonight to support my friend, and I’d ended up royally fucking up. I knew deep down that no matter how much Renee and I loved each other, this would mess up our relationship for life.

Seething, I hopped into the shower and scrubbed my skin raw, wishing tonight had never even happened. I had just hopped out of the water and wrapped a towel around my waist when there was a light rap on the door. I yanked a towel around my waist, expecting Jake or Aaron, but lo and behold it wasn’t one of my brothers this time.

It was Renee, standing at my bedroom door in her pretty aqua nightgown that the boys and I had gotten her for Christmas last year. It was shimmery and beautiful on her, showing off those long, sexy legs while gently cupping her beautiful ass.

“Ren,” I said, flushing for some reason despite the fact that, obviously, Renee and I had seen each other naked once or twice. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you. Tonight is Aaron’s night.”

Feeling like a jackass, I stepped aside so Renee could come in. She did so, stopping in the middle of my floor to turn and face me. I closed the door behind us, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. Renee never bailed on one of us to visit the other if it was their time with her. It was another thing we loved about her.

“Is everything okay?”

Renee sighed, drawing her bottom lip in to chew on it as her eyes scanned my face. For a horrifying moment, I was dead certain that she’d heard the news of my kissing Tameka in the middle of Aaron’s art gala, and I prepared for the worst, making a mental note to kick Jake’s ass when I saw him later. But instead, Renee just shook her head and stepped toward me, one hand rising to gently touch my cheek. Just like always, her touch was electrifying, and I had to look away from her to keep myself from getting hard like a jackass.

“Aaron is asleep,” she said steadily. “But—I wanted to come talk to you, Matt.”

“About what, Ren?” She was toying with me, or so it felt, and anger simmered just below the surface as I pulled away from her touch, turned away, and dropped the towel from my waist so I could dress. If she insisted on being here, I wasn’t going to hide from her.

“Matt,” Renee said, and I didn’t like the serious tinge in her tone. Something was going on.

“What?” I turned back around to face her, and to Renee’s credit, she wasn’t distracted by my nakedness this time. Sadly.

“I’m worried about you.”

I hadn’t been expecting that, but I was caught off guard as the words left her mouth. “You’re worried about me?” I repeated. “Why?”

Renee took another deep breath and pushed it out between her teeth as if this conversation was painful for her. “I feel like things have been weird between us,” she said, folding her arms across her chest as if to push me away. “And I don’t know how to fix it.”

I frowned at her, but inside, my emotions were churning. Had it been that obvious? I’d figured that I was the only one feeling strange in this relationship, and it jarred me to think that Renee was feeling the same way.

Then again, she didn’t kiss her coworker.

“Yeah,” Tameka had said tonight. “And she has three boyfriends.”

My head was spinning as Renee crossed the floor once more toward me. My head dipped low. This would have been it, this would have been the time to tell her everything; my insecurities, my jealousy over the other two, and the fact that I’d kissed another woman tonight and didn’t have the balls to tell her. This would have been the perfect time—until she touched me again. And just like magic, my woes melted away as Renee’s fingers trailed softly down my lips and then to my chest, where my dick jumped into full action. I didn’t care. I wanted her to know that this is what she did to me. Every time.

“I want you to kiss me,” Renee murmured, her hand dragging wild heat up and down my abdomen. “I want you to kiss me like we used to kiss—when we were still new to each other, and it was exciting and beautiful. Kiss me like you did when you hated me and thought you wanted me in the ground.”

I opened my mouth to argue that I’d never felt that way and then closed it again. Of course I had. We all had. Just as much as she’d wanted us dead, too.

“Kiss me,” Renee repeated, and I didn’t hesitate to go to her, lowering my lips to hers in a kiss that might not have been erotic, but that was perfect anyway. I closed my eyes, breathing her in, wrapping my arms around her shoulders to pull her closer to me as our tongues explored each other. Fireworks danced in my darkened vision, and heat rolled up and down my spine.

When we pulled back for air, me raring to go, Renee took a breath and stepped back, away from me. “I have to go back to Aaron,” she said and turned to leave. Then she stopped and turned back briefly, her emerald eyes meeting mine. “I love you, Matthew.”

I barely hesitated. “I love you too, Renee.”