Chapter 55: Renee

I was surprised to smell the alluring aroma of food that hit my nostrils as I stepped through the front door and closed it, locking it behind me. I kicked off my sneakers and hung my jacket on the hook by the door, hearing voices from the kitchen. For a moment, I was sure someone was bickering. Who, I never knew, but that seemed to be the norm lately.

“Honeys, I’m home,” I called cheerily, hoping that my entrance would put whoever sounded so angry at ease. A moment later, Jake poked his head out of the kitchen, grinning at me as he crossed the carpet and pulled me into his arms, pushing his lips against mine in desperation that I so often longed for.

“Welcome home, beautiful,” he said when we broke apart, his strong arms holding tight around my waist.

“Thank you,” I ran my fingers through his dirty blond hair, melting into him. “Something smells amazing. Did you cook?”

“Something like that,” he said, and as his grip loosened, I caught sight of Matt standing at the kitchen entrance, leaning against the frame, watching us in silence.

“Hi,” I said, feeling awkward suddenly under his scrutinizing gaze. Not wanting to offend Jake, I didn’t push him off and instead gave him another kiss before gripping his hand and moving forward, towards Matt, who hesitated briefly before leaning in to kiss me on the lips. A peck, more like it. Whatever amazing time had happened between us earlier in the closet of the ER seemed forgotten, and the tension was thick once more. I hated this.

“Thank you both for cooking dinner,” I said, clearing my throat. “I’m starving.”

“Jake did the cooking,” Matt said, flashing a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I took a shower.”

“Job well done,” I teased, going to the table to sit. My feet ached from the long shift, but I wasn’t about to complain. I was too hungry and tired to care. As Jake dished up my favorite, chicken alfredo, I glanced around, my ears straining for any familiar sound upstairs. I almost didn’t want to ask, but it would be rude not to. “Where’s Aaron?” I asked, and Matt visibly tensed up next to me, but he said nothing.

“We’re not sure,” Jake said finally. “He left after Matt got home.”

“He hasn’t been feeling really chatty,” Matt said, taking his usual seat to the right of me. A pang of hurt struck me, but I kept my mouth shut and nodded instead. This would have been a wonderful opportunity for the four of us to sit down and hash things out. We were almost never home at the same time anymore.

“This looks delicious, Jake,” I said as he sat down on my other side once the food was dispersed. He’d poured me a glass of wine as well, and I took a hearty gulp before digging into the noodles, savoring each bite. Who knew our football player/cop could cook so well? He’d really grown over the years in so many aspects of his life. I was proud of him. I was proud of all of them.

“We figured it was time you had a break,” Jake said with a shrug, taking a bite out of his garlic bread and chewing slowly. On the other side of me, Matt’s face was near his plate as he shoveled food into his mouth, unspeaking. I couldn’t tell if he was truly ravenous or if he just wanted to get out of this situation and avoid any social awkwardness. But I wasn’t about to let that fly; not tonight.

“Okay,” I said after a moment of silence, lowering my fork back onto the plate as I clasped my hands in front of me on the tabletop, looking between my two men. “I wish Aaron was here because I think he needs to hear this, too, but it’s going to be said anyway.”

“What’s up, baby?” Jake asked, focusing on me, his intense hazel eyes reading me like an open book. Matt focused on my face as well, but he didn’t speak.

“Something is happening between us,” I said steadily. “Something that I don’t like. There’s been a lot of jealousy, it seems like.”

Matt scoffed, but still, he didn’t speak. I wanted to throttle him.

“Do you disagree?” I demanded, and I was a bit caught off guard when he shoved his plate away, letting his fork clatter onto the table top. He made no move to pick it up as he folded his arms stubbornly across his broad chest and glared at me.

“I’m not jealous of anyone,” he said. “Never have been and never will be.” On the other side of me, Jake scoffed and pushed his own plate aside, more gently.

“That’s unfair and untrue,” he said, narrowing his eyes at Matt. “Jealousy is natural in relationships. There’s no avoiding it. Especially—”

“Especially what?” Matt snapped.

“Especially in a dynamic like ours,” I said before Jake could answer. “We all know this. We knew it going into it, right?”

Neither Matt nor Jake spoke this time because they knew I was right. We knew how this would work going into it, and five years ago, everything was perfectly peachy with the plan.

Apparently, a lot could change in five years.

“No offense,” Matt said, that scowl still resting on his face. His five-o-clock shadow was prominent under the light of the kitchen, and despite the tense conversation, I wanted to run my hands all over his body. Jake, too. My desire and passion for them had only grown stronger over the years, and that’s what made this that much more difficult. “No offense,” he said again. “But maybe something we all agreed to in college simply didn’t age well. Maybe now that we’re grownups, needs have changed.” He looked between Jake and me with a shrug. “Isn’t that possible?”

“If you didn’t want to do this, then why did you ever agree?” Jake demanded. His fists clenched and then relaxed. I could tell he wanted to hit his best friend and knock some sense into him. So did I, for that matter.

“Maybe I’m tired of sharing,” Matt said, his eyes roaming over my face, chest, and body. My skin burned beneath his hungry gaze, and I suddenly wished I hadn’t said anything at all and just let the night play out without starting an argument.

“I guess the rest of us aren’t that selfish,” Jake said. He stood from the table, grabbing his plate, then mine, before dropping them into the sink. Matt continued to glare at him across the room. Suddenly, I felt like I wasn’t even a part of the conversation anymore, and I didn’t know what I could say to save this.

“I’m going to go shower,” I muttered, scooting my chair back harder than necessary. Both boys looked over suddenly as if surprised to see me still sitting there. Before either of them could react or argue, I grabbed the glass with the remainder of my wine and marched out of the dining room and upstairs to the master bedroom, where I could mope in peace. Our rental house was a four-bedroom, two-bath homestead, which meant we all had our own space if we so required. The boys had given me the master, which we tended to share on the nights we had together. But at this point, I didn’t know if we had too much space between us or not enough.

I closed the bedroom door behind me harder than necessary, kicking off my work scrubs and yanking the clip from my hair as I swallowed the last of the wine and set the glass aside, then meandered to the bathroom and cranked the water on hot. I decided on a bath tonight instead of a shower and dumped far too many bubbles and oils into the water as the large tub filled. Then, with a sigh of contentment, I slipped into the water and closed my eyes, feeling the stress of the day slowly melt away as the hot water consumed me, taking me in its grip. Physically, I already felt better, but mentally, my brain was a chaotic mess. I’d tried to bring up an adult conversation with the guys, and even that hadn’t worked out. Matt had always been somewhat difficult, the most hard-headed of the three, and it seemed to get worse over time. He wasn’t happy, and therefore, it was difficult for me—or any of us—to be happy. Our dynamic relationship was supposed to run like a well-oiled machine, and instead, it was slowly going off the rails, sending us into a tailspin of nothingness.

Something had to change. I just didn’t know how to fix it. Did any of us, really? Were we in over our heads? Was Matt right when he said that maybe we’d grown out of this?

No, I couldn’t let that happen. There was no one without the other two, at least for me. Maybe that made me the selfish one of the group.

A few minutes later, a light rap on the bathroom door startled me back to reality. Jake poked his head in and grinned at me, running a hand through his dirty blond hair as his eyes caught sight of me. He’d taken off his shirt after coming into the bedroom, and my eyes strayed at once to his firm body and chiseled abs. As a cop and former college athlete, he’d always kept himself in tip-top shape, even now.

“You looked relaxed,” he said, stepping into the warm bathroom and shutting the door behind him with a soft click. I smiled back; I couldn’t help it. I was smitten with him. I was smitten with all of them.

“Matt?” I asked quietly, and Jake’s dark brows furrowed briefly.

“Pouting in his bedroom,” he said. “He’s got a stick up his ass tonight.”

I thought again of the moment we’d spent together in the closet at work, and I felt less bad about beckoning Jake forward, sitting up a bit so I could run my fingers over his bare chest and stomach, making him shiver with pleasure. Let Matt pout. I had to focus on something—or someone—else.

“Is it all right if I join you?” Jake asked, but he was already slipping out of his sweats and briefs, exposing his naked body like a work of art in front of me. Even after all these years, I still felt flushed when gazing upon him—or any of them.

“Please do,” I purred, scooting forward so Jake could sink into the master tub behind me. Once underwater, he wrapped his arms around my chest and pulled me into him, kissing the sensitive parts of my neck until jolts of electricity seized my body. The sensation of the warm water along with his strong arms around me set my skin on fire, and I closed my eyes and melted into him, feeling his hard-on press against me, wanting and hungry.

“I’m sorry dinner was ruined,” he whispered, brushing some hair back behind my ear. “I didn’t know he’d be so upset tonight.”

“It wasn’t ruined,” I assured him. “I love when you cook for me.”

“You do a lot for us,” he said. “Sometimes, I think we forget that, and take advantage.” His fingers trailed down the bare skin of my back, and I sighed with contentment, eyes still closed as I settled my body against his. Once upon a time, Jake had been an arrogant jock. Rude, hard-headed, and immature. But the years had wised him up, and I didn’t mind that about him. With the way Matt’s anger had been lately, and Aaron’s pettiness had taken over, I needed someone who was still on my side.

“I just want everyone to be happy,” I admitted. A soft gasp escaped my lips as Jake’s hand slipped between my thighs, teasing me beneath the bubbles. He kissed my neck again, and I bit my lip, pulling it between my teeth to chew on.

“Me, too,” he murmured, his fingers skillfully entering me as I squirmed beneath his touch. “But unfortunately, baby, you can’t make everyone as happy as I hope to make you right here and right now.”