Chapter 24: Renee
I didn't get home until after nine that night. After a shift at the hospital, I’d spent the rest of the night studying with Jason in the library for a few hours after our last class, and I was ready to fall into bed as soon as I opened the front door and crossed the threshold. But as I stepped into the living room, a strange silence fell over me, and I felt tense suddenly like I’d walked into the aftermath of a warzone.
“Hello?” I called, trying to remember if I saw my roommates’ cars in the driveway or not. It smells familiar in my house but familiar in a different way … like the smell of a man, a lingering, spicy aroma that is oh-so-familiar …
“Hey, doll.” Jami must have heard me from her room because she poked her head out and peered at me over the top banister of the stairwell.
“Hey.” Relieved to see a friendly face, I kick off my shoes and hang up my jacket, shivering from the cold outside. “It smells like a guy in here,” I said with a chuckle. “Do you have a man over, Jami?”
My friend didn’t laugh at this, and pain tightened in my stomach when I saw her expression fall.
“Matt was here,” she said, and something about how she said it set my teeth on edge.
“When?” I asked.
“A couple of hours ago.”
“Why?”
Jami sighs, and something about her reaction makes bile rise in my throat.
“He came to see Carly.”
I swallow, dizzy suddenly, and Jami comes down the stairs to take my hand, leading me to the couch.
“Is it as bad as I think it is?” I asked, voice shaking. Jami sighed and nodded her head.
“He told Carly about you and Jake.”
Something inside me tightened, and I felt dizzy, lightheaded, and nauseous. Anger swells like a balloon in the pit of my stomach, anger quickly replaced by something else, something more intense … something that feels devastatingly like betrayal.
“Where is she?” I asked. “Where’s Carly?”
“I don’t know.” Jami’s shoulders slumped, and her brow furrowed like it was difficult for her to tell me all this. “She left the house earlier in a rage, screaming like a banshee.”
“Screaming about me?”
“Your name slipped out once or twice.”
“Fuck.” I leaned back against the couch, lightheaded, and Jami went straight to the kitchen for a bottle of wine and two glasses. She handed me one and poured us a drink, which I threw back without tasting it. As I sat with Jami, trying to wrap my head around everything, I couldn't seem to ease that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was so intense I wanted to cry, but did I have that right?
I didn’t want to admit it, not even for a second, but I knew it was still true.
I did betray Carly.
I betrayed Jake.
I betrayed Aaron.
I even fucking betrayed Jason.
And then, in an unexpected turn of events, Matt betrayed me.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Jami leans across the couch and wipes a tear away with her thumb, smiling kindly. “These things happen, Ren. But you’ll get through it.”
“What am I even supposed to do?” Sniffling, I grabbed a Kleenex from the counter and wiped it across my eyes, shaking my head. “Carly is going to hate me forever. All of them will.”
“I don’t know, babe.” Jami sighed and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. I felt so grateful for her, especially now that I know she might be the only person I have left to turn to.
“Yeah, well, the worst part is … I brought it all on myself, didn’t I?”
When Jami didn’t answer immediately, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, head fuzzy with emotion, just letting Jami hug me.
“You’ll get through this, okay?” she said, shaking her head. “Many people go through this kind of heartbreak, especially in college.”
I shake my head, fighting down the lump in my throat. “I fucked up, James. I really fucked up. I hurt a lot of people in the process. And I—” I sucked in a gulp of air, chest tight with nausea. “I hurt people who didn’t deserve to be hurt, okay? I am not this person.”
“I know you’re not,” Jami said. She straightens up and brushes a strand of tear-dampened hair out of my eyes. “Pull yourself together, Ren, and let’s figure this out. I won’t let you go down for this, at least not alone.”