Chapter 20: Matt

Things were tense between Jake and me far after Renee had bailed from the house. Her smell still lingers in the living room, that sweet, sensual smell of hers that seems to follow me wherever I go. It was pretty clear that I was not the only one that felt this way, but I knew that from the beginning. I guessed the thing we had to do next was figure out which one of us she liked and wanted to be with.

After all, I hadn’t even given it a try yet. Renee didn’t know what she was in for.

Besides, wasn’t she still dating that dorky kid, Jason Something?

A new text message came through my phone, and I swiped the screen to check it. It was my mom.

Hi, honey, do you want to have dinner today?

I was excited to hear from her, mostly because my mom is one of my favorite people in the world. If anyone could cheer me up, it was her, and since Jake was still stomping around the house and fuming over my cock block, I texted my mom back and asked if she wanted to meet at the Mexican Restaurant near campus for a light dinner. It didn’t take her long to respond, and when she did, she told me she was on her way and to meet her there. I pulled my jacket back on and went to my car, slamming the door behind me. I was still super pissed—-angry that Jake had Renee over on our couch with a strong drink of whiskey. These are things the three of us are supposed to tell each other. Nothing is a secret, not in this trio, and it makes me wonder exactly how much Jake, and even Aaron, are hiding not only from me but from each other.

I get to the restaurant a few minutes before my mom, so I get us a table and order her a diet coke, her favorite, and an appetizer of Mexican Pinwheels, her other favorite. The pretty, dark-haired waitress kept eying me over the front counter, but I was not interested. Honestly, I haven’t been interested in anybody since Renee Lyon.

Mom gets there just a few minutes later, coming through the door, breathless but smiling. I get to my feet as the tension and aggravation of the day melts away. My mom has always affected me, even as a child and even more so as an adult.

“Hi, baby,” Mom said, embracing me. I hugged her back, noticing at once that she was even thinner than she had been the last time I saw her, less than two weeks ago. I worry if I hug her too tight, I’ll crack some ribs, and when I hold her out in front of me and look into her face, the taut skin on her cheeks is prominent, and her once silky dark hair is lackluster and delicate.

“Sit down, Mom.” I took the heavy winter coat she shrugged off and hung it on the rack near the door just as the server dropped off the appetizer and our drinks. I make my way back to the table and slide into the booth, taking the frail hands my mom offers me on top of the table. “How are you feeling?” I asked. “Are you extra tired? How’s the nausea? Has the doctor given you any more information since we saw him last?”

“Oh, Matty,” Mom said, and her eyes still sparkled the way they used to before cancer caught up to her. “I miss having you around the house. But believe me, I am okay. Just getting by day-to-day, okay?”

“I miss being there, too, Mom, but living on campus is fun.”

Mom nodded, reaching for a pinwheel. She took a small bite and put it back down but took a sip of her soda. I know the chemo really hurts her appetite.

“Tell me everything,” she said, holding one of my hands between hers. Her skin was cold, not like it should be, and I resisted the urge to flinch. “Everything and anything.”

“We’re only two weeks in,” I told her, sipping my ice water. “But things aren’t bad. Stupid classes, mildly interesting people. Work keeps me busy in my downtime. You know how it is.”

Mom laughs, shaking her head. “Always the cynic you are, Matthew James Nelson.”

“I know. You’ve been telling me that my entire life.” I meet Mom’s smile just as the waitress comes over again to take our order. She couldn't stop staring at me, this waitress, and for some reason, I was annoyed. At any other time, with any other person, I’d be flattered. But not here, with my mom …

And especially not now since Renee Lyon is in the picture.

“How are the boys?” Mom asked, fiddling with the wrapper from her straw. I didn’t need to ask who she was talking about because I already knew. Jake and Aaron, as children, she called her adopted sons. It was pretty close to the truth, too. I was an only child, and Jake and Aaron were always around. Even when Aaron got bounced from foster home to foster home, he always managed to make his way back to us. I know that even at one point, Mom tried to adopt Aaron officially, but something kept her from succeeding. Single parenthood. Money. Whatever it was, the odds were against her.

“They’re good,” I muttered. I must not have sounded as convincing as I hoped because mom’s thin brows furrowed.

“Are you boys fighting?”

I couldn't help it. I laughed. It was like we were all back in elementary school, punching each other on the playground. “No, Mom, we’re not fighting, okay?”

“Then what’s wrong, baby?” She looked hard at me, and I knew she could read me better than anyone else. No matter how hard I tried sometimes, nothing got past my mom.

“Look, mom, it’s fine. My stupid problems are not even worth discussing right now, okay? I want to hear about you.”

My mom shakes her head, lips tightening in a purse. “You are my son, Matthew, and I am much more interested in your life than I am in my own. Now, tell me what’s going on with you. Something is bothering you, I can tell.”

I sighed and shook my head, knowing that if I didn’t come clean with my petty college issues, my mom wouldn’t just let it drop. She pushed me until I did.

“Fine, mom, it’s about a girl, okay?”

As the words flow between my lips, Mom’s eyes pop nearly straight out of her skull. She coughs on the soda she just took a drink of and puts her hand over her mouth.

“A girl?” she repeated. When I nodded, she shook her head as though the mere thought of a girl I could be interested in was unthinkable.

“Don’t look so surprised.” I shake my head and pop one of the pinwheels into my mouth. “You know, I am a big boy now, and I like girls.”

“I know that honey,” Mom said with a chuckle. “But you’ve never liked a girl enough to mention her to me.”

“I guess there hasn’t been anyone worth mentioning until now.” I shrugged, but Mom wasn’t about to let me drop the conversation that easily.

“Tell me about this girl.”

I sighed, rubbing the ache out of my temples. I loved my mother; she has always been the one person to turn to for support and unconditional love. For all I know, my mother remembers Renee Lyon just as vividly as I do from high school, and absolutely none of it was good.

But she had no idea about the bullying. Jake, Aaron, and I … Well, we were vicious. Only now could I look at my past and own up to that.

“We know her from school,” I said with a slight shrug. “High school. Renee Lyon.”

“Renee.” Mom taps her chin thoughtfully, brow furrowing again. “Renee … Ren. Thick red hair and glasses, right?”

“Right.”

“I didn’t realize you had a thing for her,” Mom said, thanking the server as she put our food on the table. “I never heard you boys talk about her much. Are you all friends with her?”

“She’s different now,” I said, biting into a chicken taco. “She really grew into herself.”

“Is that the only reason you like her now?” Mom asked, and I could hear the mild disappointment in her voice.

“I don’t know if it is or not, Mom, but that doesn't matter, does it?”

“Does she remember you from school?”

“Oh, yes. She remembers us very, very well.”

Mom eyes me across the table, dry lips pursed into a thin line. She didn’t look pleased.

“What about Jake and Aaron? Do they know who you like?”

“Yeah, well, that’s kind of the problem.” I shake my head and lean back in the seat, jaw clenching automatically. Mom scans my face with dark eyes, reading me like the open book I’ve always been to her.

“Uh-oh,” she said. “Don’t tell me all three of you are smitten with the one girl.”

I shrugged, cracking my knuckles. “That could be a possibility.”

“Matt, is she worth losing your friends over?” Mom asked, sporting her serious face. Mom’s grave face was enough to crack even the most stubborn liars when we were kids. How does that phrase go? — I’m not mad, just disappointed.

Yeah, right.

“No one is going to lose anyone,” I said.

“Well, okay,” Mom said, shaking her head as the bell over the door rang for a new customer. “As long as she didn’t break your heart.”

I shake my head no and look up automatically towards the door where a guy is coming in, shrugging off his jacket. He’s got ugly glasses and shaggy blond hair, and I recognize him at once. It was Jason, Renee’s Whatever He Is, and right behind him was the Queen of the Hour herself.

“Fuck.”

“Matthew James, don’t use that language around me.”

“Sorry, Mom.”

Following my eyes, Mom turned around in her seat to check out what I was staring at. It took her a minute when Renee stepped out from behind Jason, but I knew she recognized her.

“Is that her?” Mom whispered, swiveling her head back in my direction. She was whispering now like we were in some undercover op, and Renee was our target. “You’re right,” she hisses. “She really grew into herself, didn’t she?”

“Mom, be quiet.”

“Oh, sorry, am I embarrassing you?”

“Yes.”

“Hey, Renee, right?” Mom swivels around again in her seat, one hand shooting into the air as Jason and Renee hang up their jackets and step inside. Renee looked in our direction, confused. Then she spots me, and something dark drapes over her expression. She whispered something to Jason, who nodded, looking annoyed, but followed the waitress to their table. Renee, however, comes walking in our direction, and for the first time in my adult life, I feel like I’d rather be swallowed by an unrelenting tidal wave.

“Um, hi,” Renee said, stopping at the table. Mom is getting out of her seat to stand up and hug Renee.

“Do you remember me?” Mom asked her. “I’m Matt’s mother, Melanie Nelson. We were just talking about you.”

“Oh,” Renee said with a hint of surprise, her eyes landing on me. “I hope it was nothing bad.”

“Oh, no, sweetie, not bad at all.”

“Mom, sit down, please,” I said between clenched teeth. Across the room, Jason is glaring at us with venomous hate. “Renee, we’re sorry to keep you. Said hi to your boyfriend for me.”

“Boyfriend?” Mom repeats, looking past Renee and at Jason. “I’m sorry, dear, I had no idea—”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Renee assures her, squeezing my mom’s hand. I could see how Renee looked at my mom now; it was the same way everyone who knew her before looked at her now. “Mrs. Nelson, how have you been? It has certainly been a couple of years since I last saw you.”

“She’s fine,” I snapped. I was overwhelmed right now, unable to keep the simmer of rage from reaching boiling point. I was angry to see Renee with Jason and even more furious that Renee was standing here talking with Mom and me like we’ve been nothing but good friends the last six years of our lives.

“Matthew James, if you take that tone with me one more time tonight, I’ll smack your mouth,” Mom said, wheeling on me viciously. “Keep that attitude checked, son.”

Renee smirked, just a little bit, but I couldn't say anything to this or even defend myself because everyone knows my mom is not the person you wanted to mess with. She’ll take you out before you’ve even realized what’s coming.

“Sorry,” I mutter instead. Mom turns back to Renee.

“I’m fine, dear, nothing relevant to bring up.”

Yeah, except your fucking cancer, I think. Even Renee knows better than that, but she didn’t push it either.

“It was terrific to see you, Mrs. Nelson,” Renee said, giving my mom a final hug. Her eyes float to mine, and I know she still wants to punch me after our run-in earlier.

As Renee walked over to her table to join her geeky boyfriend, Mom sat back in her seat and focused her eyes on me.

“What in the hell was that?” she asked. “Who taught you to be so damn disrespectful?”

“Mom, I said I was sorry, okay?” I ran a hand through my shaggy hair and sighed, folding my arms. “Things are still kind of touchy with her, you know?”

“Yeah,” Mom agrees, glancing over her shoulder at Jason, still sneaking stabbing glances in my direction. “Her boyfriend probably could have told me that.”

“As far as I know, they’re not really dating. If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume she was with that idiot just to make the rest of us jealous.”

Mom shakes her head, lips pursed again. “You need to figure out where you stand with her, and she needs to figure out where she stands with you,” she said. “But more importantly, you need to figure out with Jake and Aaron if she is worth losing many years of close friends over.”

“I know.”

Mom smiled at me across the table, finally done reading me the riot act. She reached over the table and rested her cold hand on mine.

“You’re a good man,” she said. “So act like one, son.”