Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty-Three Hope Vegas was incredible. My life with Caleb quickly became a whirlwind of shopping and building a home together. I wish I could say that I fought him buying me new things, but to be honest I haven't had anyone take care of me in a very long time. He made sure I filled our closet, Nathan's closet, and half the bathroom. He told me that I'll need to buy more things that I like so that we're not dominated by his items or things that Madeline had picked out for him. Right now, I'm following him home in my brand new Mercedes-Benz SUV. After doing some research, Caleb insisted I buy one because of their safety ratings. I have never owned anything this expensive and my palms are sweating as I grip the steering wheel. I can see Nathan waving to me from the back of Caleb's car in front of mine. Of course when given the choice, Nathan always chooses to hang out with Caleb. I was worried that I might feel sick from the pregnancy, but so far I only struggle a little with breakfast and feeling tired. I have my first appointment with my doctor in a few weeks and I'm looking forward to really embracing the fact that Caleb and I are going to have a child. Caleb's already a few steps ahead of me and has had paint samples up on the wall in what will be the baby's room for a few days now. Seeing Tammy at my wedding was a wonderful surprise. I love that Caleb flew her in and put her up for the night so that I'd have my own witness at our wedding. She let me know that he was more than generous with the accommodations and even covered her wages that she would have missed out on not working those two days. Before she got on the plane, I hugged her tight and Caleb hugged her also. She asked us when I would be back to work and Caleb had told her that I would be back any time I wanted, but preferably when we send our youngest off to college and not a minute sooner. It was only a few weeks ago that I sat with those mothers in Madeline's building and envied the way that they were able to be there everyday for their children. I let guilt eat at me for missing out on so many important events for Nathan, and now I get to live the life I had only dreamed about. Madeline still works on a charity that her mother created before she passed and she told me that if I ever get bored or just want to have some adult conversation she would love to have my help. Now that Caleb is taking care of everything, my only worry is my mother and the news that she shared with Caleb. Before he told me about her illness, I would wake up at night in a full sweat, dreaming that she had gone back on the deal. Caleb has assured me that it wouldn't happen, but I couldn't let the fear go. She was given a lot of money to not fight Nathan's placement with me and to eventually sign away her rights, but when that money runs out I feared she would come looking for us. Caleb finally decided it was best that I knew how sick she was, even if it might break my heart. Nathan was officially placed with us a week ago. I now have legal temporary guardianship of him. He was enrolled immediately in a school closer to our new place with Caleb, and I've had the pleasure of walking him to school and picking him up myself. I love not having to rely on the people from my neighborhood to care for him while I am at work. I will fight hard to not have this taken from Nathan. According to the lawyer, already having Nathan with us will make the adoption easy when my mother signs away her rights. My mother called me a few days after my wedding to congratulate me and wish me luck in my new life. I always thought I'd have resentment against her, but there wasn't any. She loved us the best she could, but was too sick with her addiction to love us they way we should have been loved. She's dying now, and with the end in sight she wants to make things right for us. As we pull into the parking structure for our building, I realize that I made it. Not just home from the car dealership, but on a greater scale. I finally got Nathan out of that unsafe apartment and away from that neighborhood. He will never have to worry about who my mother is bringing home and what he'll do if they decide my mother is too high for their entertainment. Nathan will be safe, loved and cared for like every child deserves. Caleb loving me has taught me to love myself. At night, when I climb in bed next to Caleb, I'm safe, loved and cared for, just like I have always deserved. I can see that now and it's long past due.