Chapter 297

Megan

Logan stayed silent the whole time I spoke. He picks a napkin up and hands it to me. I take it and dab at my eyes.

“What happened when you got back?” he asks.

“We flew to LA and stayed with Courtney’s sister for a little while. She got us the job waitressing at Masked Goddess in LA. It was difficult at first because Ella was only one year old. I guess I was scared, but Courtney has been like a second mother to her. I worked when she wasn’t, and vice versa. Now I’m paying Carlton back,” I  explain.

“How much more do you owe him?” he asks.

“I’m not sure I’ll have to look at everything. I don’t think I’m far off,”

“What does your dad think of all this?”

“He thinks I shouldn’t pay him back, but I feel if I don’t, I’ll owe him, and I don’t want that. I know, and he knows if he hadn’t paid for Ella’s surgery, she wouldn’t be here,” I say and look down at the napkin in my hands.

“So that’s why you work at Masked,” he says.

“It’s not all bad. I do enjoy working there,” I say and look at my phone to see the time. “Oh, shit, I need to go. I’m going to be late picking Ella up,”

“We can drive you if you want,” Logan offers. I frown and look at the time and then at Logan. He’ll want to meet her. It’s not that I’m trying to hide her from him. I would rather he met her in a better setting. “I don’t have to meet her now,” he says.

“It’s not that. It’s just, I haven’t spoken to her about you yet,” I pause and pick up my jacket. “I don’t want to surprise her, you know,”

“I understand. It’s just a lift,” he says and stands up. Maybe him meeting Ella should be treated as a band-aid. There’s probably never going to be a suitable time.

“What are you doing tonight?” I ask him.

“I can be free,”

“Ok, well, what if you come round tonight at, say 6:00?” I ask. “I’ll talk to Ella,” I say, “her bedtime is 7:30. If she doesn’t want to meet you today, I’ll text you, and we can reschedule,” I explain. “Is that ok?” I ask.

“Yeah, sure,” he says, he seems surprised by my offer, and then I see the worry go across his eyes.

“Don’t worry, Logan. She’ll want to meet you. It’s just when,” I say to try and relieve his worry. “I’ll see you soon,” I say and walk out of the coffee shop.

That went better than expected. It seems he had a word with himself and decided to listen to me rather than judge me. I just hope he’ll be this understanding if Ella says she doesn’t want to meet him.

\---

Ella runs into my room and bounces on my bed with just a towel wrapped around her. She giggles as I run in after her, and Max jumps onto the bed, wagging his tail at her. I’ve just showered her. She has a habit of wanting to get ready in my room rather than her own. She’ll probably end up sleeping in my bed; she climbs in around midnight.

“Do you want to wear shorts to bed?” I ask her as I watch her bounce on my bed, pretty much naked. I swear this little girl has no shame; it reminds me of her dad. The other day I chased her around the apartment because she thought it was hilarious to run around naked. Courtney and Yasmin weren’t much help.

“Ok,” she says.

“I need to talk to you about something,” I say as I put her pyjamas on the bed. I walk to my dresser and take her moisturiser. She sits on her towel and waits for me to start creaming her.

“What’s wrong, mommy?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Do you remember when you asked me about your daddy?” I ask her. She nods and starts to help me put cream on her by rubbing the blob I’d dabbed on her chest. “The reason I’ve made you have a shower earlier is that your daddy wants to meet you,” I say slowly. “Do you want to meet your daddy?” I ask. She shrugs and keeps her head down. “Ok,” I say and pick up her night pull-ups. She doesn’t wet the bed often but knowing that tonight might be stressful for her, I feel she might. She holds onto my shoulders as I pull them up to her thighs. She pulls them the rest of the way.

“Is it the man that was here last week?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say and pull her light pink vest on with a cupcake printed on the chest.

“He’s mean,” she says.

“He’s not. He didn’t understand mommy’s choices and was confused by some things. I met up with him today while you were at school, and we talked through some things. He apologised for upsetting me,” I explain to her.

“He won’t do it again?” she asks.

“I hope not,” I say to her and reach for her matching shorts. “He’s coming here to meet you tonight,” I tell her. “I can call him and tell him not to if you want,” I say. “It’s completely up to you,” I tell her as I help her pull the shorts up.

“Why did he leave?” she asks, sitting down on the bed and crossing her legs. I watch as Max lays his head on her lap. Picking my brush up, I start to brush through her damp hair.

“He wasn’t well,”

“It wasn’t because of me?” she asks.

“What? No, why would you think that?” I ask. She shrugs and strokes Max’s head. “Tell me,” I say as I part her hair in the middle so I can put it in two dutch braids.

“Some of the bigger children at school noticed that my daddy has never picked me up. They said he left because he doesn’t love me,” she says. I sigh and move in front of her. This was one of the reasons I didn’t want her going into 1st grade. If she were in kindergarten, none of the kids would have realised this. “It makes sense. He left before I was born. Maybe he didn’t want me,” she says as she looks up at me, and I see the tears in her eyes.

“That’s not true. He was ill. He didn’t leave because of you. He was over the moon when he found out I was pregnant with you. Every night he would read up on your development, and he would spend hours on his phone going through ideas for your room and all the things he wanted to buy for you,” I explain. “He was so excited about you. He loved you from the moment he knew about you,” I tell her.

“Why was he gone so long?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t asked him,” I say as I move her hair behind her ear. “There is no reason for him not to want you. You’re a special little girl, and as Aunt Courtney says, you’re too adorable not to love,”  I then hear my phone ring. I look at it to see it’s Logan. “Do you want to meet your daddy today?” I ask her.

“Yes,” she says with a firm nod. She’s my cute little decision-maker. I pick up my phone and answer it.

“Hello,”

“I’m downstairs,” Logan says. “Can I come up?” he asks. I look at Ella and take the phone from my ear.

“Are you sure about this, sweetie?” I ask. She nods, and I smile a little. “Yeah, come up,” I say. “I’ll tell Yasmin or Courtney to let you in,” I say and walk out of my room to tell them as I put the phone down. “Will one of you let Logan in when he knocks?” I call out to them and then go back to Ella.

Ella is sitting, putting lotion on her legs and talking to Max. Picking up the brush, I start on her hair again. This has got to be the most nervous I’ve felt in a very long time. I’ve wanted her to meet him since the moment she was born, because I know he’s going to be great with her.

“Can I get my nails done too, mommy?” she asks, referring to the fact I’ve got my nails redone. I only get my nails done for work. Courtney took Ella to the salon with her on Saturday, and she got her a pedicure.

“No, the pedicure is enough,”

“Aunty Corny said I could when we go on holiday,”

“We’ll see,” I say, and she pouts.

“You always say that,”

“That’s what mommy’s say,” I tell her as I hear the apartment door open. Ella moves her head to the bedroom door.

“He’s here,” she says and looks up at me, and I see the excitement and anxiety in her face.

“Yes, now head forward,” I tell her, and she moves her head back into position so I can finish the braid.

“Will he like me?” she asks.

“He will love you,” I say, and she smiles a little. “Done,” I say and pick up my hairdryer to give her hair a quick blow-dry.

“Mommy,” she groans and turns to look at me, “you said you’re done,”

“Ok,” I say and put the hairdryer down. I’m happy she’s so eager to meet him. That’s a good thing, right?