Chapter 288

Sam walks with me into my apartment. The whole car ride back was quiet. He insisted on walking me up to my place. I expected him to ask me in the car about what happened, but I guess he wanted to leave me to my thoughts.

Seeing Logan tonight has shaken me up. My emotions are all over the place. All I’ve tried to do throughout the car ride is sort them out to analyse them, but all I keep coming to is pain. This was his bachelor night which meant he’s now set a date for the wedding. It means he’s still with her, he’s in love with someone else, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I’ve realised I have done nothing but shield my heart and stop myself from falling in love because the truth is I still love him. For the past three years, I’ve lied to myself and told myself that I feel nothing for him anymore. That I need to move on.

“Do you want a drink?” I ask Sam once we get into my apartment.

“A water will do,” he says as we walk into my kitchen.

My home is very light and airy, open plan with a lot of white and grey. The counters in my kitchen are white marble and soft white cupboard doors. Courtney wanted to change the flooring to dark wood, and it’s worked out nicely. It helps the living room feel warm and inviting at night.

Sam sits at the island counter and watches me make him a drink and pour myself a glass of wine. I watch him wondering when he’s going to ask me what he’s dying to ask me.

“Is Ella in bed?” he asks, not the question I expected.

“Yeah, it would seem so. She usually sets an alarm to wake up when I get home. I texted Melanie to take her phone off her tonight,” I explain.

“Are you going to tell me what happened tonight?” he asks. I sigh and look down at my glass.

“Why what happened?” I hear Melanie ask as she walks out from the hallway to where all the bedrooms are.

Melanie takes the bottle I’d just opened and pours herself a glass. She has bright pink hair now, every couple of months she changes the colour of her hair, it always suits her. Over the past couple of years, she’s gotten a degree in Art and hair and makeup. Last year she started a youtube channel centred around hair and makeup. She’s not huge, but she makes enough to live well.

“Logan,” I say to her. She stops pouring the wine and looks at me in shock. I turn my attention back to Sam. “Logan is my ex-boyfriend and Ella’s father,” I state. “He left while I was pregnant. He told me he would be back within a year,”

“Instead, he slept about and got himself engaged,” Melanie snaps.

“Why did he leave?” he asks.

“Because he’s a drug addict,” Melanie says before I can. She says it because I usually sugar coat it. “What happened?” Melanie asks me, “does he know it was you?”

“Yeah,”

“She kissed him,” Sam states.

“He kissed me,” I defend.

“No, you kissed each other,” Sam says. “You’ve never done shit like that. You even licked him,” he states. I glare at him for exposing that little tidbit to Melanie. Melanie looks at me with her mouth gaping open.

“Are you an idiot?” she asks.

“No, it wasn’t like that, I just, he just looked so good,”

“Good enough to lick?” Melanie asks.

“Yeah, he did,” Sam agrees, “I mean, he’s a very good-looking man, I can see the attraction,” he states

“Wait,” Melanie says while frowning. “Was he the bachelor tonight?” she asks. I nod, “so that means he’s your new boss,” she states, and a small smile appears on her face.

“Possibly,”

“That’s hilarious,”

“Why?” Sam asks, not getting Melanie’s laughter. I sigh and move my head into my hands.

“He was her teacher in high school,”

“Shut up,” a surprised Sam exclaims. “No fucking way,”

“Yeah,” Melanie is still laughing.

“You like men in power?” Sam teases.

“You two are impossible. I’m going to check on my daughter,” I say and walk away from them as I hear Melanie explain a few stories of my time in high school with Logan.

Walking to Ella’s room, I open her door a little to see her fast asleep, sprawled out on her bed with one leg hanging out of the covers and Salt the cat curled up at the bottom of her bed. I smile a little and walk inside. A soft snore leaves her as I move her leg back into bed. Her hair is spread out in a tangle over her pillow, and I notice she’s wearing the pyjamas Melanie bought her for her birthday.

Ella isn’t big for her age. She looks like she’s about three years old; her doctor told me she would probably be on the petite side for a long time. She might have a sudden growth spurt, but she’s healthy, and it’s due to her being premature. It used to worry me because she just seemed so underdeveloped, and whenever I tell people her age, they don’t seem to believe it as she’s so small.

The pyjamas Melanie bought her are way too big, but she loves them. She only wears them when Melanie is looking after her. They’re black and with a glow-in-the-dark cat printed on them.

Kissing the top of her head, I tuck her covers back around her and turn the bedside lamp off, leaving the night light to be her only light.

“I love you,” I say quietly to her as I stroke her hair from her face. “I saw your daddy today,” I whisper and feel myself start to get upset. “I’m sorry,” I wipe the tears that have fallen down my cheeks. “I’ll make it right. I promise you’ll get to meet him,” I say to her. I’ve never broken a promise to her, and every so often, she asks me about her dad.

A couple of months ago, the question she asked me nearly broke my heart. She’d asked me if her dad left because he didn’t want her. It honestly made me feel like a failure, the fact she would think that low of herself upset me. When she was born, I vowed that I’d never say anything to make her believe bad about herself. That every day I’d let her know that she’s perfect. I’d failed her, somehow.

A soft knock sounds on her bedroom door. I look to see Melanie. I give her a small smile and get up from Ella’s bedroom door and walk out.

“Sam has left. He said he needed to get back,” she tells me. I nod and walk into my bedroom. Melanie follows me. “You’ve not failed her, Megan,” she says. I take my top off to put on my satin light pink cami night top with black lace at the top and black straps.

“He’s getting married. I shouldn’t have kissed him,” I state and pull my leggings off.

“He kissed you, as well,” she argues.

“Still, if he’s going to be in my life, it has to be platonic. The main focus has to be for Ella and nothing else,” I state as I pull on my matching shorts.

“And it will be,”

“You didn’t see how he kissed me, how I kissed him. I still love him, Melanie,” I admit. She sighs, and I can see the sympathy in her eyes.

“You’ve always put Ella first, so I know you can this time,” she says. I smile a little and look down at my hands. “Why don’t we finish this bottle of wine and watch a movie?” she asks.

“Sure,” I say and pick up my matching satin robe with black lace sleeves. “You can tell me what happened with Hannah,” Hannah was Melanie’s girlfriend. She told me when she came round to look after Ella that she had broken up with her.

Walking back into the living room, I hear someone knocking at the front door. I frown and look at Melanie.

“Maybe it’s the doorman,” she says.

“He normally calls,” I say as I walk towards the door.

“Didn’t the phone downstairs break last week? Courtney said he came up to deliver a parcel she’d ordered. Maybe he’s dropping off a parcel,” she suggests.

“True,” I say, “One minute,” I call as I grab my keys and unlock the door.

Opening the door, I look, expecting to see Michael, our doorman tonight. Instead, standing in front of me are Logan, David and Carl.