Chapter 109: Not Until I Know She’s Save

Lia

"Probably not. But you're stuck with me anyway." He stood. "We leave in an hour. Pack light."

The journey to the northern outpost took six hours at wolf-speed.

Theron kept pace beside me, his silver wolf a steady presence. He didn't try to talk, didn't push for conversation. Just ran.

My body screamed in protest the entire way. Ruth had given me something for the pain, but it only dulled the edges. I felt myself fraying with each mile, my power destabilizing, my wolf retreating deeper inside me.

Hold on, I begged her. Just a little longer.

She didn't answer. Maybe she couldn't anymore.

The outpost appeared through the trees, a fortified compound overlooking the northern border. Guards challenged us immediately.

"Luna Lia," one person recognized me. "And Alpha Theron. What…"

"I need to see Kai," I said, my voice rough. "Now."

"Alpha's in the command center. I'll escort…"

I was already moving, following the bond that pulled me toward him like gravity. Theron followed silently.

The command center was a war room filled with maps and warriors. Kai stood at the head table, his back to the door, discussing defensive positions with Viktor.

He knew the moment I entered. His entire body went rigid.

"Everyone out," Kai said without turning around.

The room cleared in seconds. Viktor gave me a worried look as he passed, but didn't speak.

Then it was just the three of us. Me, Kai, and Theron.

"You too," Kai said to Theron, his voice ice.

"Not until I know she's safe." Theron crossed his arms. "She's dying, Kai. Silvermane burnout. She has maybe three days before the damage is permanent."

Kai spun around, and I saw his face—haggard, hollow, like he hadn't slept since he left. His silver eyes went immediately to my nose, to the blood I hadn't bothered wiping away, to the way I was swaying on my feet.

"Get out, Theron." This time it was a command, absolute. "Now."

"If you hurt her…"

"I said OUT!"

Theron looked at me. I nodded weakly. He left, but I felt him station himself right outside the door.

Then it was just us.

Kai and I stared at each other across the war room, across three days of silence, across everything we'd broken and failed to fix.

"You're dying," he said flatly.

"Apparently."

"Because of me. Because I left."

"Because I pushed too hard without an anchor." I forced myself to stay standing. "Ruth says I need the mate bond to stabilize. Need you. But you asked for space, so I'm not here to beg. I'm here to ask…do you want me to die? Because that's what's going to happen if we don't fix this."

His face crumpled. "God, Lia, of course I don't want you to die. I've been going insane up here, feeling you through the bond, feeling you fade…"

"Then why didn't you come back?"

"Because I'm terrified!" The words exploded from him. "I'm terrified that if I come back, I'll fall into the same patterns. Control you. Cage you. Drive you away again. I needed time to figure out how to be better, but you're dying and I'm still broken and I don't know how to fix either of us."

"Then maybe we don't fix it," I said quietly. "Maybe we just... accept that we're broken and figure out how to live with it."

"I can't accept that you're dying because I was too cowardly to stay."

"And I can't accept that you left because you were trying to protect me from yourself." I stepped closer, my legs barely holding me. "Kai, I don't need you to be perfect. I need you to be present. That's it. That's all I've ever needed."

"What if present isn't enough? What if I'm just fundamentally too fucked up to be what you need?"

"Then we're both fucked up together." I reached for him, my hand finding his. "Please. I can't do this anymore. Can't lead a coalition, can't use my power, can't breathe properly without you. I tried. I really tried to be whole on my own. But maybe some people aren't meant to be whole alone."

"Or maybe you're just dying and desperate," Kai said bitterly, but his hand tightened on mine. "Maybe tomorrow you'll regret this. Regret me."

"I've never regretted you. I've regretted how we hurt each other, but never you." I swayed, and he caught me immediately. "Kai, I'm going to pass out soon. Before I do, I need to know…are we done? Did the space help or hurt? Do you want to try again or should I let go?"

For a long moment, he just held me. Then:

"I don't want space. I want you. I've wanted you every second since I left." His voice broke. "But I'm still scared. Still terrified I'll destroy you."

"Then destroy me while holding me. Not from a distance." I looked up at him. "Because the distance is killing me faster than your fear ever could."

Kai's response was to kiss me, desperate, claiming, aching with three days of separation. I felt the bond flare between us, felt power rush back into me so fast I gasped.

"Never again," Kai breathed against my mouth. "I'm never leaving you again. I don't care if I'm broken. I don't care if I'm scared. We figure it out together or not at all."

"Together," I agreed.

He lifted me, carrying me toward what I assumed was his quarters. "I'm fixing this bond right now. Properly. Completely. No more half-measures, no more fractures. You're going to be anchored so thoroughly to me that using your power won't even make you dizzy."

"That's very demanding for someone who just said he'd stop controlling me."

"I'm demanding you let me save your life. Sue me." He kicked open a door. "Besides, you need an Alpha anchor to use Silvermane power safely. Might as well be me instead of Theron lurking outside."

"He was worried…"

"He was hoping." Kai laid me on the bed. "And I get it. If you were his mate, he'd never let you go. But you're not his. You're mine. And I'm done pretending I can function without you."

"Is this the part where we have healing bond completion sex?" I tried to smile.

"This is the part where I make sure you survive the next three days." Kai's hands cupped my face. "Then we have healing bond completion sex. Lots of it. Until neither of us can walk."

"Promise?"

"I swear it on my life."

He kissed me again, and I felt the bond strengthen, felt my power stabilize, felt myself coming back from the edge of destruction.

But even as Kai held me, even as we reconnected, I couldn't shake one thought:

Theron was still outside that door.

And some part of me was glad he was.