Chapter 34 Resulting Destruction
3 months ago
Rain
I am lying here, looking up at the ceiling of my room. My body hurts, but my heart hurts more. I told him if he did this to me he would destroy me, and I wasn’t lying. How can I ever again possibly look into the faces of our parents and know that he took my virginity?
I know he says we’re not really brother and sister, and he never saw me that way. I guess in some part of my head, I knew he didn’t see me as his sister. I saw the way he watched me, but I just thought it was because Sade is different. I think the word sociopath would best describe him. He has some emotion, but not much, and he is sure that his way and thoughts are the best, almost with a narcissistic streak to it. Those have always been markers that were what he was, but it has never been spoken about.
Now, here is yet another piece of evidence. He wants what he wants, and what others think and feel about it is irrelevant. His opinion is the only one that truly counts. He can pretend that he cares about what I think and feel, but the truth is he doesn’t, especially if it contradicts his own views on things.
When I told him no, or expressed how bad this would fuck me up and destroy me, he explained it away by saying that I would come around to seeing things as he does. That sooner or later I would believe just like he does. That is because he is so right, I would eventually have to concede that I am wrong.
If he were truly right, I would not be in these cuffs or being held here in this bed. Those precautions he came prepared with speak volumes to how much he knew I would resist. That puts a big huge red flag in the pile of “we should be together” shit he is shoveling. I think it has been a full day, but I’m honestly not sure.
This morning, he put a gag on me. I guess the staff was here and he didn't want me screaming or something. Then they had obviously gone home when he took it back off. They won’t come up here until the weekend. Once per week they come up and clean all of the rooms, change the sheets, do all of that shit. They had done it just the weekend before, so they won’t until the end of Spring Break.
He planned all of this out. He has said as much and hinted at more. He was fully aware of where everyone was and is. So, most likely he had a hand in the last-minute things that happened to pull my friends away for the week. No one ever talks about it, but of course, I would research the Russo family, and I was surprised at what came up. I thought most of it was bullshit, that was until I lived in this house for a while, and I started to see what that name did to people.
I hate the idea that he went and asked for assistance to get my friends sent somewhere so he could have me all to himself. I mean, wouldn’t someone have a problem with that, or do they just not care?
How will I be able to look at my friends on Monday when we go back to school? How long has he been orchestrating things behind my back that all of the other kids knew? No boys asked me out. No boys asked me to dances or prom. No boys had anything to do with me other than Haden, but as he’s gay, he never posed a threat I suppose, and was allowed to be around me. How much of my life has been dictated behind the scenes by Sade over all of these years?
He walks back into the room carrying a large tray with food, and drinks on it. Then he turns and smiles at me and I can’t stop the tear that streaks down my face. He watches it, and almost looks confused for a moment. Then that goes away for that fake smile he uses, as he walks to the side of the bed.
He releases me and escorts me to the bathroom, so I can take care of what I need to. I have thought more than one time about finding some weapon in here that I can use against him. I’m not sure how much good that would do. Sade is a lot bigger and stronger than me. He also keeps threatening Haden and Sarah, so I am not sure what to do about all of that.
He won’t let me have clothes, so I am forced to walk around naked. I try not to look, but it’s hard not to see your own body. So I catch glimpses of the bite marks all over me, he calls them love bites, I call them evidence. I see the fingerprint bruises along my thigh. I had tried to push my thighs closed, and he pushed them open, furious at me for my resistance. It didn’t make a difference in the long run anyway, he still fucked me.
Each time he sticks his dick inside me, each time he puts his mouth on me, each time he forces me to feel what I don’t want to, is one more time he takes a mallet to my heart and soul. I’ll never be able to look at myself the same way. Now, my own body has become a weapon, and the enemy. So, how the fuck do you deal with something like that?
As I go to the door, I’m surprised when he’s standing there with a silk robe in his hands, “You’ve been a good girl, so I thought you might like to wear this so you’re not so chilled.”
I just blink, I mean, how do I navigate this? Do I want clothes, yes, but a robe is not really clothes. Will I feel better about being covered somewhat, yes, but this is a flimsy barrier against him. He says I’m a good girl, what the fuck does that even mean? That I have fucked my own self up because he can manipulate my body, so he’s happy about that?
I don’t say any of that, but I think he could probably read it all over my face, if he cared to, which he does not. He puts it on me and ties it, and I can’t look at him while he does. He grabs my chin and turns my head to kiss me. I can’t turn away because his grip on my chin is too strong. So, I just wait, not doing anything, while he moves his lips against mine. He sighs like I am being tedious.
As we sit on the bed, he calmly looks at me and destroys me even more, “Let’s have a baby together.”
I barely make it to the trash can next to my bed before I throw up.