Chapter 49: Seeking Help

49\. Seeking help from the professionals.

If songs were affirmations, Nathan would repeat them as long as he could. Instead, he chose to auto-replay.

🎶I know you're waiting, I'll run hastily to you…

In my Panamera, Hola, hola, hola.

I'm levitating, I feel ecstasy when you…

whisper nakupenda

Wetin you put for this your jollof…

You’ve gat my heart and soul on lock.

And I wanna go crazy with you...

Through the night till the Sun come up.

Let's do it all, do it all for love….

The faster hand reached out to bring down the volume of the song which was sung more by the singles. The ones who don’t go into deep thoughts to think about how they can run hastily to their lovers. After messing up and knowing fully well they fucked up. Big time.

This, Nathan was unconsciously doing, thinking of everything Elizabeth shared with him.

Maybe he was just chasing after a fairy tale. And he needed to move on like he had been advised. An advice coming from someone who never had a stable relationship too.

Common…. He set his brain right. Not even at this age would he do that to himself. So, he was sure of what he was doing. He was sure of what he wanted. Deep down, he expected the worst anyone could get from trying is, no.

But he would regret not even trying.

Nathan’s dark eyes turned slowly when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He pulled himself out of his thoughts and stared at the one who almost had his face and could be mistaken for him if not for small differences. He was kind enough to be his driver and confidant for the day. Trying not to frown and immediately dropped his eyes on the caller that appeared on his phone.

“It's Jamal. Wanna pick?”

Nathan’s brows came together. Still, he kept his mouth closed but slowly shook his head towards his younger brother. A sign that he didn’t want to be disturbed. Not even by his closest friend.

What other advice is he going to give him this time?

When the phone started to ring for the second time, Nathan grabbed it from his brother, swiping the green button. Putting the call on speaker.

“Where are you?”

Not even a greeting from the asshole.

Nathan peeked through his tinted window to see yellow buses with different shapes of heads just above the roof of the buses. While some looked malfunctioning and had suffered many scratches, they wouldn’t care how they hit your car since they’ve mastered how to beg. And lure the passengers to chorus sorry for them to escape from the incident.

Nathan thought many drivers inside the private cars that presently formed a long queue, separating themselves from the yellow buses on the totally blocked road must understand the Bible verse that says… No weapon fashioned against me shall prosper.

Nathan looked away from his window. “I’m somewhere in the world stuck inside terrible traffic.”

“That part of the world is so easy to guess.” Jamal teased. “You must be living in Lagos.”

“No. This is Kaduna state.” Nathan quickly moved his phone to his brother and he knew what to do.

“Kayi hakuri, Jamal.” Anthony delivered in Hausa language, but the chuckle that erupted from his mouth couldn’t make him say more. An advantage of being a doctor who travelled around the States made him learn a few languages like his brother.

On the other end of the call, Jamal's laughter was huge. “Anthony, I’m sorry for that guy next to you instead. Please take care of him. I will be back in few days to do my job.” .

Nathan moved his phone away from his brother. Immediately, there was a deep silence between the two friends. Then another one. It took Jamal and Nathan few seconds before one of them realised they were still on call.

Jamal sighed and spoke up. “I found a buyer for that house.” He hesitated for about two seconds to hear Nathan's response, but it never came. “Guy, selling that house is not going to change a thing.”

“I believe it’s going to change how I feel. Feel better. I’m never going to live there again after all…” there was a pause. “She almost lost her life in that house, Jamal.”

Jamal's response came too quickly.

“I’m going to haunt that Counsellor down if her skills don’t work this time.”

Both Nathan and Anthony chuckled in their seats. And it continued for a while because Jamal ended the call in anger as usual.

While Anthony tried to move them out of the traffic, Nathan took his mind back into the room with Elizabeth, mulling over the rest of the discussion they had. Elizabeth’s voice sat deep in his memory.

“What do you want, Nathan?”

What does he want?

If he told her what he wanted was just one word, would she find him crazy?

Elizabeth rested her gaze on Nathan. “Be sincere with yourself,” she said.

“Be sincere with your feelings. It’s okay if you want it badly. If you try, you could either have it or not. One of the options that is best for you could be yours if you are being truthful to yourself. So, what do you want, Nathan?”

An awkward silence filled the room.

Nathan exhaled the nervousness that suddenly conceived on his chest. He was about to confess and it was not as easy as he thought. He was about to humiliate himself because of a woman, exposing the nagging needs that sat heavily on his mind.

While those words from Elizabeth softened his heart slowly, Nathan gave up his confession.

“I want her.” He breathed with an aching need that expressed his desire. More like a breathless plea that came out against the border of his lips.

His only saving grace at the moment was that he wasn’t looking at Elizabeth, so he didn’t mind what the shabby blue woman he met on a random day was doing to him and expressed himself.

“Elizabeth, I don’t want to say she drives me crazy because the only person who drives me crazy here is my mum and it’s pissing me off. Tacha makes me feel safe. She is my home. A place that gives me peace. Her smile is one of a kind. When she laughs, she lights up the room and brings life to it. That’s her power, Elizabeth. She’s beautiful in and out. You should see her. Gorgeous! Flawless! Goal oriented. Contented. I will say she’s heaven, making me run a race to be with her till eternity.”

Elizabeth smiled. Very little, so as not to distract Nathan who expressed his heart for a woman Elizabeth already found thrilling. She watched him and she thought the smile was rewarding as Nathan looked up and kept his face on her. He continued.

“I’m suddenly drawn to a light I never knew I could shine through. Love. Compassion. And a life of purpose. So I want to choose the woman who saved my soul from a life I’m drawn to nothing to a life I found true living. Just like Christ, her love has re-awaken many hidden fortunes that come with true love. Living purposely and embracing only the things that give me peace, assurance and growth in life.” A rough chuckle exhaled as Nathan said his next statement. “Who knew a random lady I met at my lounge, half drunk could have this effect on me later on? Life is unpredictable.”

Elizabeth kept her face straight at him but still smiled. Very gently. “You should be happy she was drunk. With all you’ve said about her, she wouldn’t have pulled whatever she did with you if she was normal.”

Nathan nodded. A smile slipped onto his lips. “She was never impressed by anything.” He added. “But I want to give her everything, Elizabeth. I want to share with her all I ever have. Be her friend. Her lover. Her first to go. Her man.  She's so hard on the outside but…she’s so soft on the inside. Very soft.” A huge smile took over Nathan's face. “The second time we met made me question if she was the lady I met days ago.”

Elizabeth chuckled. “She gave you some…you gonna hear from me this time, man. I know who you are. She must have paid you back for whatever you did to hurt her.”

Nathan's laughter suddenly filled the room and it took Elizabeth unexpectedly. Nathan Brown laughed, so wide, really loud, as if life came into the blood that runs through his veins. Elizabeth thought his soft smile was so genuine but his loud laughter was full of life, more. Very thick. As he was physically. She didn’t notice he rolled the sleeve of his shirt up to his elbow until she saw veins pop out of his lower arms triumphantly. Stealing glances at his wrist. His Rolex watch was a full diamond.

It was worthwhile to see Nathan Brown loosened up. It was beautiful. Very sweet to watch a man who recognised a fine wine. A good woman. And enjoyed the effect.

This laughter, she hadn’t heard from him since he made it into the room. But whether smiling, laughing or not. He was all-time handsome and a fine man indeed.

Nathan leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He rubbed his face down with his hands after his laughter had faded. His face had zero smiles but a hundred per cent looking bothered.

“But I fucked up,” he said.

An awkward feeling sat heavily in the room when he mentioned that statement. It hit Elizabeth because his voice came out with a rawness she never heard from him either.

“I messed up big time.”

“I’ve never been so nervous walking up to someone. Never, Elizabeth! But I want to. I want to start over with no one but her. This time, I know what I want. I want a life with that woman.” Nathan paused. “I feel doing nothing as usual would be best but I’m here. I’m just here because I’ve heard a lot about you.”

There breathed…silence as the two stared at each other. That lasted for seconds.

“She sounds interesting .” Elizabeth’s voice came out very soothing. She was impressed by how Nathan was able to express himself.

Her response was enough to make Nathan calm down after his heart poured without a pause. “But you sound like you don’t think it could work. What happened?”

Nathan moved slowly in his seat and breathed....more like to tell himself, he could do it to the end.  Then he answered.

“Whenever my mum messes with me like this. I move on with my life. Maybe it’s pride for protecting my image or just being the obedient son. This time, it’s different.” He didn’t even try to hide his expression. A burning flame of desire gushed out from Nathan's eyes. “I want her back,” he said with so much love poured into his words. “I’ve not even been able to be with anyone after her. All I see is her. Others make it easy by sending me a text still. Elizabeth, she blocked me.” Nathan sounded like it came to him as a shock. He was indeed shocked. Something he had never experienced.

“She blocked me. Every. Fucking. Where. Social media. Phone numbers. If there is a way to block someone in real life, she would move to another planet. She hates me.”

Elizabeth's face expressed wow. It was a trying moment so she couldn’t laugh. “Was your sin that much? She’s aiming to really get over you.”

Nathan crossed his arms on his broad chest. Disappointment would have been the perfect word that slipped into his eyes, but Elizabeth saw fear despite trying to stay calm.

On his face was fear that his sin might never be forgiven.

“Nathan, what did you do?”

What he did.

She almost lost her life.

Almost lost her life because of his stupidity. Right in his presence.

But only he knew about that. And that wasn't his only sin.

“She was with a child,” Nathan said, heavily ashamed of what happened six months ago.

How could he ever forget a day like that?