Chapter 17: Emelia

When I first saw Massimo on the beach, my thoughts immediately jumped to my escape plans. Get him to trust me, and it would open the door to freedom.

All the ideas that came to me over the last few days came rushing back to my mind, and I saw my chance to put them into action.

I was still playing the game, until he spoke those words.

You’re the kind of woman you show off…

That’s what he said. As he spoke, desire flickered in the depths of his eyes, compelling and magnetic, reeling me in like bait, and I could no longer bridle my curiosity or the attraction I felt for him. I no longer felt like the nothing he described me to be that night he gave me my ring.

Now, he lingers before me, inches away from my lips, waiting for me to give him my first kiss. Something I know he could take. Something he could easily steal from me.

What I’m looking at is a door. A door that could open the path for me to leave. Be his, get him exactly where I want, then leave. Just like Candace said. Flee and never look back.

The door is open, but what I see inside, on that path that could be my freedom, is something else that lures me and entices my curiosity.

I see want and desire for me.

He wants me. That’s what I see.

Massimo wants me, and not because he wants to screw with Dad, or even to screw with me.

I’ve never had a man like him look at me the way he is, and I’ve never been able to look at someone and see so plainly what they truly desire.

The confirmation of the thought sends a shiver of arousal spiraling through my body. It sparks my nerves and ignites wild heat through my entire being.

He moves even closer, beckoning me to come to him. When I do, everything in my mind is replaced by the desire to taste him.

It’s me who closes the space between us. Me who gives it to him—my first kiss.

As my lips touch his, fire burns straight through to my soul.

Massimo is forbidden to me. My enemy. My captor. But, when our lips meet, it feels as if I should have always been kissing him.

Pleasure rouses passion, strong and unrelenting, making the kiss turn hungry, then greedy, in seconds. That’s when I lose my mind.

Lust burns my brain and I moan into his hard, searching mouth. He takes advantage to sweep his tongue over mine and passion sings through my veins.

We’re kissing.

We’re actually kissing, and I don’t want him to stop. I want him to keep kissing me. When Massimo smoothes his hand behind my head to deepen the kiss, I don’t want him to stop touching me either.

I savor him, deep down, knowing this forbidden moment is one I shouldn’t enjoy.

His hands roam over my face, then down my neck, down to my chest, where he squeezes my breasts, making me moan out so loud the sound embarrasses me.

My naked flesh touches his, and as I kiss him, he feels like mine. Massimo feels like he belongs to me too. Whenever I imagined what my first kiss would be like, I didn’t imagine this.

And when I imagined what it would be like to kiss this man, there’s no way I thought I would feel like this. Like part of me has lost my damn mind, while the other part… That part of me craves him so much I ache.

The ache resonates from deep inside my core and cascades over my body, making me want more.

We kiss until the world fades into the background and everything goes with it. All I feel now is pleasure, and a primal need for him to take me. The rawness in the need seems to hit him too, but he pulls away from me, backing out of the kiss.

Massimo stares at me as dazed as I am, and I look back not knowing what to say.

I don’t know what I expect him to say either. Or do. It’s definitely not what he does next. His face hardens, and he becomes the beast again. The Massimo I’m used to. Not the man I just gave my first kiss to.

He moves away and leaves me standing there. I don’t know what I did wrong. As reality returns to me slowly, I don’t know what the hell just happened either.

Conflict constricts my lungs then races through my body. The powerful effect is mind numbing, telling me that, even though I’d love to lie to myself and believe the kiss was just a kiss, I know it’s not true.

It’s then it hits me that if I can think like that, then it means I may be crossing over the line of mere attraction. How the hell did that happen?

What about him, though? He left me.

Why?

I barely slept through the night. That kiss in the shower played over and over in my mind and was the first thing I thought of when I woke this morning.

A kiss is supposed to be just that. A kiss.

Even if it was my first kiss, it definitely shouldn’t mean anything at all to me or carry any form of sentiment because of our situation.

I’m not supposed to enjoy any part of this crazy arrangement Massimo and I have. It’s a contract of shit that I have to live with for the rest of my life.

Live with it. Or try to escape.

Escape…

I can’t live like this. I certainly can’t live with a volatile man I can’t wrap my head around. But now I’ve gone and shocked myself because my emotions betray me every time I’m with him. There was no acting yesterday. Everything I did with him was real. So, how do I start pretending?

Maybe the thing to do is allow things to play out. That’s how trust might come. And since I doubt I’ll earn it before the wedding, I’m guessing everything will happen according to the grand plan. I’ll have to marry Massimo and represent the symbol of defeat for my father.

I wish I could speak to Dad. I know there’s little point because all is said and done, but I feel like I need more context. I wish I could talk to him outside all of this and away from everybody else. I don’t know if he’d tell me anything, but I’d try to get what I could out of him. My only chance to do that will be the fundraiser, and I don’t know if Massimo will even allow me to speak to Dad.

God… This is such bullshit.

I don’t know what I did to deserve this. It’s so damn unfair.

The day goes by while I feel like a ghost in the house. When night falls, I start wondering where Massimo is. I’m not sure if I believe that he hasn’t been spending his nights with Gabriella. Typical, her name would be that. Gabriella. God.

Christ, listen to me.

I swallow hard as the thought of him in bed with her pulls at my heart in a way I hate.

Truthfully…I am jealous. I am. I hate to admit it, but damn it, I know I am, and lying to myself has never done me any favors whatsoever.

I was jealous that Gabriella seemed to be Massimo’s type, jealous of her perfect body, and most of all, I was jealous that she looked like she knew exactly what to do with a man like him to please him in the bedroom. Not like me, who’s never seen a cock until yesterday.

At ten I find myself sitting on the balcony on the second floor, gazing out at the beach, wondering where Massimo is. I’m so stupid. He could be here with Gabriella and I’d be none the wiser. I wouldn’t know shit.

I still don’t know where his bedroom is. During my tour of the house, that part was left out. There are parts of the house that I haven’t been to. No one said anything regarding those areas. I noticed them but didn’t venture there, not even by myself. I assumed the doors would be locked anyway.

I turn when I hear footsteps and see Candace approaching me, carrying a little plate with cookies on it.

“Hey, there,” she says. “I was hoping you wouldn’t be here so I’d have an excuse to have these all to myself.”

I smile the first real smile of the day. “You can have them. I’m not hungry.”

“Nah, I wouldn’t want to be greedy or lie to Priscilla. You didn’t come down for dinner, and you haven’t been around much all day.”

“I’ve just been wandering around,” I answer. I know I can’t really talk to her about what we spoke of on the beach. Not in the house, anyway. I won’t be fool enough not to factor in that these walls definitely have ears.

She gives me a worried look, sets the plate down and sits next to me.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Emelia?” she asks in a hushed voice.

“All sorts of things,” I answer, lowering my voice too.

“What we spoke of the other day?”

“Yeah, there’s that.”

“I can’t really talk here…” She shakes her head.

“I know.” I nod.

“Are you going to do it?”

“I want to. It would be stupid not to try. But I don’t know what could happen at the other end.”

“That is definitely something to worry about. Massimo looks like he’s starting to trust you,” she points out.

“Do you think so?”

“I do. However, if there’s any doubt in your mind, don’t do anything,” she cautions.

“I won’t. Besides…” I lower my voice and look down to the garden where I can see Manni lighting up a cigarette. “…there’s always someone watching me. It’s going to be difficult to know when things will finally ease up.” Right now, it seems like something that might never happen.

“I would have come and seen you, but the few times I got a glimpse of you, you looked like you wanted to be by yourself.”

“No, it would have been okay to see me.” The thought to ask her about Massimo’s whereabouts enters my mind. “Candace, where is he?”

“Massimo could be anywhere. He’s like that. Here a lot, then not.”

“Where does he go? There was a woman here the other day called Gabriella. Is he with her?”

A smile tips the corners of her mouth, and she raises her brows. “Emelia, you’re worried about him being with Gabriella?”

My cheeks flush. I’m so silly. I must seem so obvious asking her something like that.

“I just wanted to know.”

“Okay… Here’s what you need to know about Gabriella: nothing. She’s bad news. Stay out of her way. She would have definitely heard about the wedding, which is probably why she was here the other day. If you see her, don’t engage in any conversation.”

“But—”

“No, Emelia, trust me. Sometimes the less you know, the better. So, I’m going to tell you to focus on what you want most and take it from there. I don’t know if he’ll be home tonight, so don’t wait up. Please don’t ask me more than that.” She hops off the balcony. “Call me if you need anything else to eat.”

As she saunters away, my stomach knots with the damn anxiety that’s eating away at my insides.

Candace said to focus on what I want most and take it from there. My freedom should be the thing I want more than anything. But yesterday, my body wanted Massimo.

I wanted him and I haven’t stopped.

That part of me wants to go to the dark side.

As badly as I want my freedom, now that I’ve had a taste of Massimo D’Agostino, I want more.