49. More
Saïda’s POV:
While I made my father’s tea, I thought of Asahd and our little conversation in his room, minutes ago.
′I like him. I definitely like him. And he likes me too, right? How did this happen? I love Noure, very much. But I have little feelings for Asahd as well. I can’t hide it. I’m all over him most of the time. And I get a little jealous too.′
I stopped stirring the tea and closed my eyes. Never had I been confused in my entire life! I loved Noure. And at the same time, I was crushing. Well, liking Asahd.
“How in the world did I get to this?” I muttered to myself.
′I’ve changed so much. In such little time.′
I thought this because I was supposed to feel bad. I wanted to feel the guilt and regret, just like I’d done the famous camping night, a week ago. But I felt nothing this time. My head hurt as I tried to figure out why I regretted nothing of my acts. It felt like I’d put my ethics and morals aside for a while. I was surprising myself! Never had I put my morals aside! Never had I disobeyed a single traditional rule or any other rule. Since I’d left Zagreh, a lot of things that I did, surprised me. Was it my environment influencing me? Was it Asahd? Or was it just a hidden part of me I never knew, actually existed. A part of me that wasn’t able to come out freely in Zagreh? A part of me that saw the opportunity to pop up and show itself to me in a foreign country and city where no one cared if you followed the rules or not; no one cared if you were being good or bad; no one cared if you’d slept with people or not; where no one seemed to judge the others for what they wanted to do or be. Where no one thought that being betrothed was like being already married.
′Maybe I’ve always been like this. But I never knew this side of me could surface. I’m so surprised with the new things I do and try every single day... Zagreh caused me to be so antisocial, so stuck up and isolated in a way that I forgot to live? I forgot to discover what it was like to be free minded and independent of others. I’m so confused.′
-
I poured the tea into the tea glasses and put them on a tray which I carried over to the living room. I met Asahd sitting and discussing with my father.
“Here’s your tea,” I smiled and put the tray down.
“Thank you,” they replied with smiles and both picked a tea glass. I did same.
My father started to tell us more about his trip and the place he visited. Sometimes, Asahd would give me a side glance and I would smile a little before sipping my hot tea. Who was I kidding? There was definitely an attraction between us. And for the first time ever, I felt void of guilt.
′It’s still so surprising.′
I thought in amusement.
′I used to dislike his guts and now he attracts me? How is it possible to be deeply in love with one person, yet very attracted to another? How did it come about? I can’t explain.′
Later that day, around 5pm, I was in the kitchen cooking dinner, Asahd was watching TV and my father was asleep in his room, tired from his long trip.
I was humming and chopping some vegetable when someone wrapped his arms around me, from behind.
“Asahd?” I giggled and looked at the face that rested on my shoulder.
“Mhm,” he smiled and kissed my cheek. “Go on.”
“Sure but let go off me first,” I mused.
“Alright,” he chuckled and let me go. Then he took a seat on the sink and watched me work.
I finished preparing the spices and put everything inside the pot. Then I gave him my attention.
“What’s up?” I asked and he got off the sink, standing in front of me. I loved the way he always seemed to overshadow me with his height.
“Nothing,” he raised his hand and caressed my cheek. My breath hitched but in a good way.
′Will he kiss me?′
I thought, shamelessly. There was this part of me that was screaming how wrong we both were for keeping up with this inappropriate behavior, yet there was a greater part of me that wanted to continue the risky behavior. Wanted to continue because it made me discover some body reactions I’d never felt, made me want to test my limits, made me want to exploe the forbidden.
′Forbidden. Wrong. Inappropriate.′
Those words seemed to hide a lot of exciting things I had never tried or done in twenty good years. Those same words, Asahd had explored all the exciting things they involved. I wasn’t going to try alcohol, drugs, or other extreme things behind those words, what I wanted to know, naïve me, was how those words, could affect the way I saw myself. I wanted to discover how my body would react in a sensual situation. Yet without crossing the extreme boundaries. And by that, what I meant was, I had to stay pure, a virgin for Noure. No matter what.
Asahd’s POV:
I stared straight into her eyes, my throat growing dry because I wanted to kiss her. I knew coming to the kitchen would make things complicated for me. Why did I come??
′Because my dumbass thought I could resist her.
-I can’t! The more the days pass after the camping incident, the more I’m attracted to this girl. What changed between us?? What caused this sudden fiery attraction between us?? It hit us without us realising. It hit me from nowhere.′
I was fighting with myself not to kiss her. But I couldn’t. I was running out of self-control. I always did recently, when around her. But at the moment, it was worse. My throat was dry and no matter the number of times I swallowed, it was the same thing.
Whenever I looked her in the eyes, my heartbeat raced and goosebumps covered my skin. It was at that moment that fear caught me. It caught me because I realised it was something a little more serious that I’d thought.
′Is this even a crush? What is happening to me?′
“What did you do to me?” my voice came out in a low whisper, my throat dry.
She looked at me, the innocence in her eyes causing more goosebumps over my skin.
“Nothing,” she replied casually.
I stepped closer and carefully held her face in my hands. I slowly lowered my head and pecked her softly, on the lips. The feeling that it caused in me...was different from the one when I’d pecked her in the room. Was this because I was kissing her now, after accepting the fact that I had some feelings for her? Yes.
Saïda’s POV:
I loved the way he looked at me and the way he’d kissed me softly on the lips. I wanted more.
′Oh, what has gotten into us, Asahd?′
Without thinking, I carefully grabbed his wrists and made him wrap his arms around me. Then, I held his face in my hands. He seemed just as confused and sensitive as I was at the moment.
I got on my tip toes and without thinking, I pressed my lips against his. I could feel my cheeks burn.
“Kiss me back, please,” I whispered against them.
′Why am doing this?′
He pulled me closer to him. I parted my lips a little and I felt the tip of his warm tongue in between them. Without waiting any longer, I took it into my mouth. It turned to the hottest kiss I’d ever received. It was so sensual, so slow, satisfying.
“Mm~” I found myself moaning softly against him. I loved the taste of him, of his warm tongue making love to my mouth. He was such a good kisser. I’d only kissed two men in my life, and fact was, Noure was great at it, but Asahd was better.
His arms around my waist, he lifted me off the ground and made me sit on the kitchen’s counter. We did not break our kiss. Asahd kissed me like he’d been waiting for it, like he’d been dying to do so. I loved that.
It seemed to get hotter and hotter with each second. At a point, I grabbed his jaw in between my fingers and slowly broke the kiss, making him look at me. We were both breathless and our lips, kiss-swollen and very pink.
Looking at him like that made my mouth water. All these reactions in my body were almost foreign, alien to me. But I loved them. Without controlling myself, I lowered my head and began to kiss and nibble against his soft neck. His sweet smell was driving me crazy. He had his arms wrapped around me in a tight hug.
′Oh gawd, what is happening to me. I feel like I can’t control myself. I want him so bad, right now.′
I raised my head and kissed him some more. Then he did same to me, kissing and nibbling against my neck. At a point, he started to softly suckle against my skin. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, loving the sweet feeling.
′My body is discovering new sensations. New feelings. I– I can’t stop.′
Suddenly, he stopped and slowly stepped away. He was breathless and his lips still so pink.
“I’m– I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“Don’t be.”
He stared at me and approached me till our foreheads touched.
“Do you understand what’s happening to us, Saïda?” he whispered. I caressed his cheek and almost automatically, I paced a soft kiss on his plump lips.
“I’m confused, myself. B– but I find it hard to stop,” I stammered, closing my eyes and feeling my heartbeat go even faster. “It’s so wrong but it’s so hard for me to stop.”
“Me too,” he kissed my forehead. “Tell me to leave, please. I can’t on my own. Drive me away whenever I try to approach you in a sensual manner. It’ll help us both.” he shut his eyes.
“I– I can’t tell you to leave.”
“Then tell me something that will make me leave and use it whenever I try to touch you. I know myself. If you don’t, I’ll keep coming back for more,” he looked me straight in the eye as he said this. It sounded like a warning. One that caused that sweet feeling in between my legs
I looked at him. He was right. We needed to find a way to end this before it went even further.
“I– I love Noure,” I muttered, a sting in my chest when I said it. I felt guilty on the spot. The sentence and fact had succeeded in making us part. I let him go and he stepped away.
“I’ll be in my room, sleeping,” he added lowly with a little wry smile, almost forced, and I nodded slowly, a lump in my throat. He then left the kitchen.
The guilt returned at that moment. My eyes prickled and the thought of Noure was breaking my heart. I closed my eyes and tried not to sob.
′What is wrong??′
Asahd and I were becoming toxic to each other?
~~~~
•AN: More like toxic to each other's relationships. Oop!•