43. Guilty
Saïda’s POV:
I stirred in sleep and yawned a little. I rubbed my eyes and slowly opened them. Waiting for my vision to adjust, I finally realised where I was. I was still in the tent.
I turned to my other side and I was face to face with Asahd. My heart skipped a beat, even though he was still asleep. Thoughts of the previous night immediately rushed into my mind.
′Oh gawd. What did I do? Asahd, what did we do?′
I felt my tummy turn and goosebumps take over my skin. The guilt and confusion I felt were undescribable. Why did we do that? Why did we let the other do what they were doing. I stared at him while he slept.
′What came over me! Over us? Oh gawd.′
I remembered the nibbling and tickles. I remembered how they turned into soft kisses against my skin, how I felt. I’d felt good and that was what was killing me! Why did I let it happen. I’d wanted him to stop but not more than I’d wanted him to continue. My body and mind seemed not to be controlled by myself. I remember the way I’d moaned softly at his kisses, yet I’d been so confused.
I remembered the strange yet sweet feeling in between my legs when his thigh pressed against my mound. At a point, I’d intentionally rubbed myself against him!
′Oh gawd! Why did this happen?! What came over me??′
I shut my eyes tight, they were prickling. Carefully, I got out of the sleeping bag without waking him up. The guilt I felt was terrible.
I grabbed a bottle of water and my toothbrush, applying some paste on it. Then I grabbed my fur coat and left the tent.
I’d gotten up quite early and so the others were still fast asleep in their tents.
I was brushing my teeth but then, thoughts of the previous night, returned.
I remembered when Asahd stopped kissing my neck and looked down at me, the way he stared at me. I’d never seen that look of his. It’d caused an electric feeling down my spine and had made me breathless. My mind at the moment was going through a psychological debate. One part of me wanted to tell him to stop, yet a greater part admired his beautiful, plump lips, hoping he would kiss me. Why was it happening?! I let him kiss me and I kissed him back. The worse part was that I’d enjoyed it the feel of his warm tongue in my mouth, exploring me.
“Oh gawd, what did I do?” I sat on the ground, a lump in my throat. I’d betrayed Noure in some sort of way and I felt terrible. My conscience was judging me. I was on the verge of shedding tears.
And at the same time, my friendship with Asahd had probably been destroyed? I didn’t want it to end. He was one of the best friends I’d ever had. I didn’t want things to get awkward between us. I didn’t want things to become weird, though it was a little too late for that? What could I do?
“I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I really don’t,” I muttered to myself, my eyes getting watery. “And I can’t tell Noure what happened. Oh please forgive me, Noure darling.”
′I wasn’t thinking straight. I don’t understand what happened yesterday night.′
I was still disturbed about the previous night’s event. But there were two things I was sure of; I wasn’t going to tell Noure about it because I decided to believe it had never happened. Nothing had happened. And secondly, I wasn’t going to let things get weird between Asahd and I. He already meant a lot to me and was a very good friend. I didn’t want our friendship, destroyed by an awkward moment of foolish behavior, because to me, that’s what it was. Foolish and meaningless behavior.
′It meant nothing. It was just foolish and meaningless. We didn’t know what we were doing.′
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, satisfied with the conclusion I’d come to make. I finished what I was doing, returned my things to the tent and went for an early stroll. Though I tried hard to forget what happened the previous night, the thoughts came rushing back, leaving a feeling of guilt, yet causing my body to react in a particular way. I pressed my lips against each other and shut my eyes tight, trying to stop thinking about it. But it was almost impossible. I could still feel the pressure of Asahd’s lips against mine, the taste of him in my mouth.
’Oh gawd, let me please get over this. Get a grip Saïda.′
I thought with a frown.
--
I returned minutes later and I entered our tent. I met Asahd, who was still in the sleeping bag, lying on his back and staring up.
He didn’t see me at first but then he did. I really didn’t want things to become odd between us. I didn’t want that every single time we were alone, there would be awkward silence. I wanted the noise, the jokes, the teasing and the chuckles.
′It never happened. And so, everything is okay.′
I thought and was going to say something but then he did.
“Do you ever sleep?” he mused, “You’re always up early.”
I was a little surprised but then I laughed a little. Guess I wasn’t the only one wanting to forget all that happened the previous night. I was more than happy he’d listened to what I’d told him before sleeping. Nothing had happened. And we were going to act as thus so things would remain cool between us.
“I’m not the problem here. You are. Sleepy head,” I replied and he chuckled.
“The others are up?” he asked, getting out of the sleeping bag.
“Nope not yet. They’re worse than you,” I giggled and sat in a corner, grabbing my phone and manipulating it.
“Ha-ha, so funny,” he said and got a bottle of water and his toothbrush. He applied some paste and headed for the exit of the tent. “Going to brush my teeth.”
“Oki doki.”
He left and I smiled, relieved. There was no way we were ever gonna talk about what happened, again!
-
Asahd’s POV:
'Who am I kidding?′
I thought to myself and brushed my teeth. My heart was a little racy as thoughts of the previous night, returned.
“What is wrong with me,” I muttered with a frown, shutting my eyes and feeling like a dumbass. It had happened! Even if we would have to pretend or act like it hadn’t, it still had!
“I’m a dumbass. Why did I do that?!”
I felt horrible because all that had happened was definitely my fault. I’d started it.
′I kissed her first. I made her kiss me back. I put her in that situation when on her own, she would’ve never done anything like that. But why?
-You wanted her. You wanted to feel her body against yours and kiss her pretty lips. You wanted to taste her for even a few seconds. Know what Noure felt whenever he had her in his arms. You envied him at the moment. Like an idiot. How?! When?! How did this come about?! Why did i suddenly feel attracted to Saïda in such a sensual manner. It wasn’t right! ′
“I can’t believe it,” I muttered, pulling a little on my hair and feeling as guilty as ever.
What happened? I’d wanted to kiss her so bad, hold her close to me. I’d loved the feel of it, the taste of her. It wasn’t right, yet I wasn’t going to lie, I’d liked it. And it had affected me beyond the sexual side of things. It wasn’t even sexually aimed. I’d not expected anything from her, I’d not had any dirty thoughts at the back of my head when it’d happened.
It had been simultaneous and almost natural. I’d suddenly felt the frustrating need to hold her tight against me and oh– Her lips. To kiss them. So bad. Without any valuable reason at all.
-But why?! Saïda’s literally a sister! And I’m a selfish fool who only cares about his own fleshy and foolish desires. What happened? Since when can’t I control myself?′
“This should never repeat itself,” I said to myself, running a hand over my face.
I might have acted like nothing ever happened because she’d asked me to, but all I could think of was apologise to her. I had to apologise to her. I would find the right time to do so. I just had to.
Later that morning, when everybody was up and had prepared, we had breakfast together and after chatting for a short while, we packed up and it was time to go home.
Though Saïda and I were cool with each other and actually behaved like nothing had happened, I still thought of finding the right time to apologise to her.
~~~~
AN: Wouldn’t want to be in their shoes with the hidden feelings 😂😂.