Chapter 19: Exile

Exiled in a foreign land with nowhere to go, all that was left with me was the sickly feeling of being watched constantly. That was how it felt to me, at least, as I laid there on the bed with my eyes closed. Having no decent sleep made me tired, but too afraid to even go back and rest due to the nightmare that might jump out on me.

Was that even a dream? Or another memory that has resurfaced in that form? And the dress I was wearing was super identical to the one I wore in the picture given by Cedric. Perhaps that was the very photo we took? But he said his mother took the photo… Yet, it was Hattie in the dream.

What is real?

Italy was supposed to be a paradise—a getaway from the constricting life in Auburn City. Nobody knew us here except ourselves. And yet, I didn’t feel the slightest bit of comfort. It seemed as if all my problems were brought here, never escaping and accompanying me forever.

My escape was merely napping, yet even this was thwarted as nightmares of Hattie dying kept plaguing me every time I shut my eyes. Cedric, on the other hand, was busy preparing for Christmas by ordering food and hired helpers to arrange the decorations around the villa. We barely spoke a word after I woke up in cold sweat, experiencing a vivid dream of how Cedric and I met that escalated quickly to Hattie dying. What brought the awkward tension between us was how I shot up in bed, screaming Hattie’s name in terror. This made Cedric confused, wondering who Hattie was. Recalling the scenario, I sighed and covered my face in exhaustion.

“Reese, are you all right?”

Chest heaving as I panted hard at the terrible dream I had, I faced Cedric with wide eyes. He looked distraught while checking me, hand rubbing my back in an attempt to soothe me. Whatever just happened, I wished I didn’t have to see it again. Claim that it was all a nightmare and pray that it won’t come back. However, Hattie dying wasn’t a mere dream—it was the reality I had to face and her words against Cedric continued to echo across my mind.

Clearing my throat, I nodded softly as I removed his hand from my back. “Y-yeah, I’m good… Just had a really bad nightmare.” Gazing away from his face, I rubbed my shoulder at how silent it has become. “I’m sorry that I disturbed you. I know you’re tired and want to sleep more—”

“No, no. It’s all right, Reese.” He hummed, shifting on the bed before lying down again. “As much as I want to sleep, I couldn’t. You’ve been tossing and turning as well, so I was worried about you.”

Oops.

“I’m really sorry, Cedric—”

“Although, I’m quite concerned.” He cut me off, clicking his tongue at whatever was in his mind. “You screamed Hattie when you woke up… Isn’t that the woman who tried to kill you? The one who held a knife up on your throat? By chance, did you know her? Met with her before the incident?” Interrogating me wasn’t what I expected Cedric to do, especially with how our sleep was interrupted. What was worst, his question seemed innocent, but I couldn’t help feeling anxious about how to answer.

What will he say if I do?

“Um, she tried to approach me several times…” I drawled, scratching my elbow. “I never knew why and what she wanted from me. But I never met her before nor remember that I did. Everything just confused me.”

“Oh.”

“Why do you ask?”

He shook his head, dismissing the idea. “Nothing. I guess it just goes to show what happened earlier is affecting you terribly. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you forget that awful experience.”

Cedric must have accepted my explanation, for he never pried into it more. However, it didn't seem to satisfy his curiosity judging by how he found my answer disappointing by the expression he had. It left an awkward atmosphere between us, even with the fact that Christmas is a few hours away looming above us. This dampening of the mood didn’t stop him from preparing for the festive, though. Still bustling about and calling people to set everything up for this evening’s event. When we arrived, the villa was barely matching the other houses across the street with their own decorations. By the time I woke up from my short nap, I was surprised to see a tree now sitting in the living room and having gifts right under it. I never thought there would still be people working, but I’m sure making an extra buck didn’t hurt since it must have gone straight to buying food or presents.

Where’s Cedric? Shouldn’t he be finished with his calls? I thought he said we should take it easy. This isn’t different from how he works back at the company.

Leaving the comfortable bed, I padded across the wooden floors to the door and out of the bedroom. The smell of cooked chicken and spices coated the hallways, growing stronger as I descended the stairs. Seeing the workers he hired at the kitchen, busy cleaning and putting what seemed to be bottles of wine into the chiller, I made it my mission to search for Cedric.

He couldn't be that far… This may be a huge house, but that doesn't mean he’ll get lost—

“I thought I told you to report to me once she starts regaining them.”

Hearing Cedric’s voice through the crack of a door nearby the bathroom, I peeked through it to see him still on the phone. He has been hiding in the lounge area where there was a sun lounger and a white table. An empty glass sat on the surface yet dripped with droplets of water around it, a sign he had been here for a while. The glass window across him opened, letting in the cool breeze. Despite having a spectacular view, he looked agitated, hand on his hip as his left foot was tapping on the floor. Whoever he was speaking to, they seemed to be firing away words that displeased him.

“No, I don’t care if it’s against the rules. What am I paying you for? I didn’t pay you to give me bullshit—you should’ve ordered her to visit you every day!” Cedric grumbled, sighing a couple of times and running a hand through his disheveled hair. Whatever the conversation was about, it appeared that it has brought him stress long enough to look like he has been on the call for hours now, trying to make sense of what is being relayed to him. “No, she wouldn’t suspect a thing. What?”

I knew it was disrespectful to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t look away or turn back from where I came from. Curious as to what is making Cedric Dixon lose his usually composed aura.

He still hasn’t noticed me. Maybe I can still walk away before he does, or I have to come up with an excuse—

“Dr. Freeman, I’m paying you thousands every week to give me information and to update me of Reese’s mental condition. Not to give me shitty reasons. You may say she should recover her memories, but I know the real Reese McKenzie and she isn’t someone you want to walk around Auburn City with her loose lips! You and I could be finished in this town once she remembers why she got into that car crash in the first place! Do you hear me?! You will join me in jail, Dr. Freeman. So, the best thing you could do is do your part and make sure she thinks everything is fine. Do you hear me?”

Dr. Freeman?!

“We’re here in Italy right now. No, nothing seemed to trigger her to regain her memories. I know I have to be careful.”

Hand over my mouth, my legs moved on their own as I dashed away from the room and up the stairs. Back in the safety of the bedroom, which may soon become a war zone if I were careless enough, my legs gave away as I sat on the floor. Unable to move as I began piecing the shreds of evidence together.

Oh my god… So, he has been working with Cedric the whole time? That day I spotted him at the hospital wasn’t a mere coincidence then. He has been keeping tabs on me, making sure I don’t recall—oh god… Oh god!

***

Merry Christmas music filtered into the bedroom softly. It was coming from the living room and has been playing since the clock struck six in the evening. Cedric has yet to come up and see whether or not I was awake. However, I was grateful for the opportunity to be all alone because even when it was quiet in the bedroom, my mind was buzzing.

What is happening? Cedric and Dr. Freeman are working together?! What are they hiding? Why doesn’t he want me to remember? More importantly, how long has this been going on? Oh my god, I need to remember.

I need to remember.

I need to remember everything!

Think, Reese. Think!

What will make me remember? How did this all start? Where did everything go wrong? Who is Cedric to me, really? What is happening? Who was I? Who were my parents and how did they end up owning the hotel? Was everything from the past a lie? Or did everything shift before meeting Cedric? Why can’t I recall?

I need to remember.

I need to regain all my memories.

Sobbing at how nothing comes up to my mind no matter how hard I try, I banged my head against the floor and groaned out in pain. There was no use staring into space, hoping for my memory to come crashing back to me. Prayers could only take you halfway and hoping just an inch further. I had to do something. Something to make the missing links connect that would answer the question of who Cedric Dixon is, and why he has resorted to these tactics to make me forget.

But such questions remain unsolved, particularly why he has done this to me—lying and keeping me in the dark. I don’t have my memories, which led me to another round of unanswered inquiries.

What if I woke up that day with my memories intact? Would he have killed me right away? Would he have known if I played dumb? But since I woke up with none, why is he being nice to me?

Cedric loves you.

And you love him.

It’s better this way.

Don’t remember the past…

It will only hurt you.

At the unwanted voice echoing amongst the confusion that riddled my mind, I shut my ears in an attempt to block it out which was pointless in the end.

“Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head.”

He loves you, Reese.

He loves us enough to keep us.

After everything you have done, he still loves you!

Don’t anger him Don’t remember!

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!”

It will only hurt you.

Enough to kill—enough to plot the murder of his bothersome parents! Enough to choke Francesca until she resembled a squished blueberry!

“No, no… I need to know. Stop blocking me out!”

He will dispose of us once he realizes you remember. Don’t say a word. It’s better for you not to recall such sad memories. He’s already treating you right. What more do you want?

“I’d rather have the truth than to live in a bubble made with lies.”

You hurt him and everything that he loved. He wouldn’t want you with such a tainted soul. This is better, Reese. Why can’t you see that?!

He didn’t love you, Reese.

He never did.

He only used you then tossed you to the side despite all the love you offered.

The mere thing he wanted to do to you was to kill you.

“Reese?”

Head shooting up from the ground, my wide eyes stared back at Cedric standing at the doorway. A concerned expression across his features as he started approaching me. Out of fear, I got up and backed away—trying to create more distance between us. Hand held up to signal him to stop, I quivered. “S-stay back.”

“Reese, what are you doing? Come on down, we have to eat dinner.” Chuckling at my terrified reaction, his brows furrowed. “What’s wrong? Did you have another nightmare? Come here.” He suddenly made the space between us disappear, arms wide to embrace me. I instantly dodged it, opting to move to a nearby window. He made a face.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Reese. And I’ll make things right. Why are you being so difficult?”

“Stay back, Cedric!”

“Reese, why are you acting this way? It’s Christmas Eve and you shouldn't be playing games with me right now. Are you angry because I didn't sleep next to you—”

“No, this is a much heavier topic and I intend to learn more before you kill me!” Spotting a vase on top of the coffee table, I ran and took it to arm myself. “Don’t come near me, Cedric. Not until you answer this question!”

Exasperated, the man halted in his footsteps and crossed his arms. “Reese, what do you want to know? Should we even be discussing such matters on Christmas Eve? Don’t you want to celebrate and have fun for the sake of your parents? I thought we agreed to this—”

“Don’t you dare bring up my parents into this, Cedric! You have lost the right when you killed them! Didn’t you? Tell me the truth!”

There was no subtle change in his reaction other than surprise and bewilderment. “What are you talking about? Is this because you haven’t had enough sleep? I promise we shall rest once the celebration is over. So come here, Reese—”

“Francesca Richardson… What do you have with her? What’s your connection with that woman?”

Using the name of a woman Hattie told me to bring up, my heart dropped to my stomach when Cedric was frozen in place. He fought hard not to let his emotions show, chuckling and still grinning like everything was dandy and all right. But it was far from that.

“W-who?” The crack on his voice made me take a step back, threatening him with the vase as I began my slow trek to the door. If I could escape, perhaps there is a chance I might immobilize him until I can call for help. The chance was slim, knowing nobody in Italy or how to dial the authorities, it was something I had to gamble on. “Reese, darling, these games of yours are not funny anymore. Come down with me this instant.”

“No!” Throwing the vase at him, I head out of the room and slammed it on the screaming man. Adrenaline ran through my veins as I dashed down the hallway, hoping to get further away from Cedric as possible. The bedroom door smashed open, the sound of wooden breaking caused me to shriek and cower.

“Reese! Come back here!”

Terrified, I ran to the stairs. And in a moment of surging energy, I didn’t see where I was going and slipped on my own footing. Falling down headfirst on the flight of stairs, descending as the world rocked along with my vision as pain blossomed in every part of my body. The scream I elicited dying down to a whimper as the air was knocked off of my lungs. And then, darkness.