Chapter 48 Chapter 48
Elijah
So instead of being the sane and controlled person I was, I drove like a madman and kissed her bruisingly hard just to tell myself that she didn’t matter much to me. I savored the way she squealed and moaned, trying to commit those sounds to my memory.
I swore I wouldn't touch her again after that. And Beast raged inside of me when the thought popped in my head.
He had been oddly fascinated by her ever since she walked in my lfe.
And I blamed him for all my idiotic and impulsive behavior.
Which was stupid.
Because, I wanted to bury myself deep in her right then and there. And pulling away from her with just a few kisses was harder than any battle I’d ever fought.
But Beast had gone too far already. So, I snatched back control from him and stepped away before I did something more.
I forced deliberately chosen words out of my mouth to not let her know what she truly made me feel whenever she was around.
Because no alpha was supposed to be weak or lack restraint. That’s what I’d been taught all my life.
So I smugly walked away and saw her drive away. Not because I didn’t want to stop her. But because I wasn’t ready to accept that some part of me that had forgotten how to live craved her like she was the last ray of sunshine.
Because I was too afraid of what she’d find when she finished taking down the walls I’d painstakingly built around me.
“Elijah”
I rubbed my temples in frustration because those thoughts wouldn't stop eating at me. I had been sitting with Gavin and Tyler for hours. Yet, I had drifted away far too many times to count.
I couldn’t focus on the meeting anymore so I simply got up from the chair lying that I had a headache.
Maybe, I just needed a gallon of coffee.
Though the thirst ravaging me from inside would only be sated by something else. By an innocent face that didn't deserve a selfish guy like me.
Gavin and Tyler exchanged glances but didn’t call out my lie. They only nodded and let me be.
I went straight to my room and stripped down to take a cold shower. The water was freezing cold but when I closed my eyes, I saw her red rimmed eyes looking at me.
I groaned, my length already hard for her. Imagining her soft lips under mine, and recalling the soft whimpers she made when I kissed her, made a shiver run down my spine that had nothing to do with the cold water.
It had been long since I’d needed to pleasure myself but damn why did it hurt to not have her fingers wrapped around me instead? I could have just gone to a hooker to get the need out of my system to focus better. But my fucking body and mind didn't want any other woman.
They wanted their little girl.
Shit! I was losing my mind!
The mere thought of her sitting in front of me on her knees, begging to suck me had me moaning like a fucking teenager.
My fingers were slick with precum as I recalled how it felt to see her beautiful face smile blissfully as I pumped in and out of her.
I was panting like I was racing up a hill, my fingers stroking my length as I shuddered and groaned, hating the effect she was having on me despite not being here.
I finished off fast, not letting my mind dwell on the fact that her memory alone could achieve what many other women failed to even comprehend.
My fist connected with the tile, showering the floor with chipped ends and debris that mixed with the water.
My knuckles were split and thin streaks of blood began to pool under the cuts, slowly painting the water red.
Beast began healing the injuries instinctively but I stopped him.
“No need. It is nothing major” I told him.
He had been quietly watching me suffer, letting me stew in my self-loathing/pity.
“Why?” A single question that was neither mocking nor accusatory.
Grabbing a towel, I wrapped it around myself and turned the shower off.
“I answered you already”
With another towel, I dried my hair and stared back at my reflection in the mirror. Beast didn’t speak in my head like usual.
Instead, he showed up in the mirror, staring back at me. His eyes were a different shade than mine this time.
Darker.
My eyes widened to see him unexpectedly in front of me when I had always seen him in my mind.
“That answer is insufficient”
I threw that towel on the bed and it fell down on the floor with a wet thud.
“You are scared of what this means, of what can happen if…” Beast began but I raised my hand, as a thin line of blood continued to streak down my wrist.
“I won't let that happen”