Chapter 41 SELF-INFLICTED TORMENT
Edeline
Nixx closed his eyes, leaning back and placing his hands over his face. “I can’t, Edeline.” He shifted slightly, calling out, “Hey, Mom! Sorry, but I can’t help with that. I can’t handle not knowing what’s going on. It’s driving me crazy. I need answers… I really need them. Let’s see where this all goes.” He let out a long sigh, glancing at us to see how we’d react.
I patted his arm, trying to reassure him, but Mom seemed taken aback. “But why, sweetie?” she asked, her voice tinged with concern. “Are you up for some self-inflicted torment? Staying here won’t accomplish much. Hey, you two, I don’t want to see either of you get hurt.” She plopped down between us, throwing an arm around us both and pulling us into a tight squeeze.
“Hey, Mom,” I whispered, leaning into her warmth. “We’ll be fine as long as we stick together.” I paused, trying to ease her worries. “Everyone’s just over Percival and Tatiana after what happened at Nixx’s party. I reckon we’ll be fine.” I offered her a comforting smile, though it faltered as I noticed the tears streaming down her face.
I really didn’t like how much she was able to empathize with our pain...
…
Later, after I’d settled in and rearranged my room back to its old, familiar state, the delightful aroma of homemade chocolate chip cookies wafted up from the kitchen. Lying on my bed, I picked up a photo that had caught my attention earlier. I traced the contours of Percival's face, lost in thought, when a knock on the door startled me.
I quickly tucked the picture frame under my pillow and let out a sigh. “Hey, come on in.”
Nixx strolled in, flopping down on my bed, face down. He didn’t say anything, just buried himself in the comforter, his presence heavy with unspoken thoughts.
“Hey, are you alright?” I asked, furrowing my brows in concern.
He turned his head towards me, his hands drifting up under the pillow. “Sure. Yeah, I suppose so. Mom’s baking some cookies. We need to get dinner ready for tonight…” His voice trailed off, and I couldn’t help but feel a wave of disappointment wash over me.
“Don’t worry,” he said quickly, picking up on my shift in mood. “We’re a tight-knit group.” His mossy green eyes met mine, filled with a strong desire to protect. His eyes always seemed to shift in color depending on how he was feeling, and right now, they radiated concern. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to take care of me... I needed to learn how to be independent.
“Sure, whatever.” I tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes.
He frowned, his expression softening as he pulled his hand out from under my pillow, revealing the picture I’d hoped he wouldn’t find.
“Hey, what’s this?” He looked a bit confused as he studied the photo.
I let out a deep sigh, feeling defeated. “Oh, I stumbled upon it while I was packing.” I paused, letting the memories wash over me. “Hey, do you remember when we were all so carefree and content? I enjoy reminiscing about those moments, back when we didn’t worry about mate bonds and just had our closest friends by our side.” I softly took the photo from his hand, a small smile tugging at my lips as I recalled that special day.
“Hey, Edeline…” Nixx’s voice was gentle, resonant. “I get it, you have some feelings towards him. Sure, I do. But you shouldn’t keep tormenting yourself like this. Hey, I won’t allow you to be with him while Tatiana is around, so try not to dwell on the good memories. Everything changed when he made his choice.” Nixx casually crawled up beside me, plopping down and snatching the picture back, giving it another thorough examination.
His words hit me harder than I expected. “Tatiana will always be there… she’s your friend. Have you considered what might happen if she… if she loses the baby?” I asked, trying to keep my voice gentle, not wanting to provoke him. “I understand the strong connection. I know what can happen. So, let me get this straight. You’re saying you could reject her and not feel a thing about it?”
He tightened his jaw, his muscles tensing. Slowly, he turned to meet my gaze, his nostrils flaring. “I wouldn’t want to be with someone like her.” His voice was strained, as if the words pained him. “I just really want to talk to her, you know? I have all these questions I need answers to, but… I’ve come to accept that she’ll never be mine.” He winced, letting out a grunt as he released the picture, which slipped from his hand and fell to the floor. Without another word, he stood up and walked out of my room, the door closing firmly behind him.
Tears blurred my vision, and my heart felt like it was shattering into pieces. I could feel his pain as if it were my own. I knew he didn’t really believe what he was saying. It seemed like he would be willing to forgive Tatiana if she came to him, asked for forgiveness, especially if the baby didn’t survive.
Yeah, he totally would. Just like I would with Percival.
He’s that kind of guy.
I quickly wiped away my tears and forced a smile when I heard a knock at my door. The familiar scent of vanilla and grass wafted in, signaling that my mom was on the other side.
“Hey, Mom, come on in!”
The door creaked open, and there stood my mom, her hair pulled back, wearing a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. We’d all been wearing those smiles lately.
“Hey there, sweetheart,” she began, her voice tinged with something unspoken. “I just wanted to give you a heads up…” Her smile faltered, her lips pressing into a thin line. A frown creased my forehead as concern bubbled up inside me.
"Hey, Mom, what's up?" I shifted my body to face her, trying to read the unease in her expression.