Chapter 273 THE WEIGHT OF HIM
Edeline
“What is that?” I mumbled, quickening my pace. I bent down to grab the note, written in bold black ink.
Thanks for getting your first legal buck. 40-point white tail. Do a good job, kid.
\-Axe
It was from Axel, our general, known as Axe.
Just as Conor approached my side, I couldn’t help but smile. I picked up the bag, reaching inside to pull out the impressive forty-point rack from the deer I had killed. Okay... before my wolf could put him down, Alexa and Damon started chewing on it. But it was my cat that had done the actual killing.
The rack was magnificent, expertly removed from the deer’s head, with not a single crack in the bone.
“Wow. Your wolf got that tonight?” Conor asked, a smirk playing on his lips.
“Yup,” I replied, popping the "p" as I tried to contain my pride, my face slightly hidden.
In my mind, my wolf stretched from her corner, shaking her fur and dancing around. She peacocked her tail back and forth, playfully sticking out her tongue and wiggling her backside at me before curling back into a ball. I stifled a laugh at how amusing she had become.
“Your wolf should be proud, Edeline. That’s a big deal for your age. Hell, your size is a big deal for your age. Be proud of that wolf inside you.” His smile, though weary, radiated pride.
I smiled to myself, putting the deer horns back into the bag.
Conor moved closer, his body heat radiating off him, and I thought he was going to do something. I took a deep breath, ready to speak.
“Conor? I want to talk to you about that kiss earlier...”
Don’t blush. Don’t blush.
I found myself dropping my gaze, his pecs clearly visible through his T-shirt.
And then I turned pink.
“Yeah?” he said, uncertainty lacing his tone.
I let out a sigh, meeting his gaze and taking a moment to steady myself. “I just wanted to say that... it really can’t happen again. I know it was a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing, but I have a mate. And even though I’m not with him, I still take that seriously.”
He sighed, leaning against the wall beside me. “Edeline... you’re so young. So naive.”
I took a step back, shock spreading across my face. “What?”
He pursed his lips, looking down at me. “Do you think he’ll wait for you? Just for when you feel like returning?”
The question hit me hard, twisting my stomach into knots.
“I get what you’re saying, I do,” he continued, his gaze penetrating mine. “But do you think a male can hold out as long as you can? You might not have felt him moving on yet, but he’s a male. He’s going to get tired of being alone, and males have needs.”
His intense eyes locked onto mine, urging me to understand.
When I read his words, my eyes widened in disbelief. That wasn’t how I thought of it at all. It was a man named Percival who had more needs than I did. I didn’t feel the same urgency, but his Alpha blood fueled him with an increasing amount of testosterone as he grew.
What would I think if he ended things?
How does it feel when your partner sleeps with someone else? Is it hurt? Will it drive me crazy? Right now, I felt utterly lost.
Unsure of how to respond, I shook my head and opened my mouth. “Conor... I... I admit I never thought of it that way... but...” I glanced down at my black Nikes. “That’s exactly how I feel. I can’t do it. My conscience is too strong.” I looked up at his stern face, noting the depth of his thoughts as he processed my words. “I just know how I feel. I won’t do anything to jeopardize my mateship. Who knows? Years from now, we may want to be together... if he’s patient... if he’s changed... If not, then I don’t know. I can’t predict the future, but I know how I feel in this moment. And I won’t lie, I’m attracted to you.”
Conor moved closer, his eyes locked onto mine. I placed my hand on his chest, feeling the heat radiating from him. My gaze dropped to his neck, trying to avoid the intensity of his expression.
“But I’m not going to be that girl. I’m sorry,” I said, my voice trembling.
As he stepped back, my hand suddenly felt cold without his warmth. I looked up to see him still gazing at me with those dark, intense eyes, his jaw tense as he processed my words.
He took a deep breath. “Edeline, ever since I saw you, I wanted you. At first, because you reminded me of Cilla. But then, as I got to know you, my feelings grew. Your heart, your fierceness... all of it. But most of all, I value our friendship. We are friends, and we will stay friends. But I won’t deny my attraction to you, and you know that. We’ve been through a lot together. I have needs too. I understand you’re younger and may not fully grasp how relationships work, but when a man and a woman are as comfortable together as we are, there’s something more. You can’t just hang out with a male in his bed, watch TV, talk, hug, and gaze into his eyes... hold hands. You can’t do those things and expect to remain just friends.”
Confusion furrowed my brows. “Why not? What do you mean?”
He sighed heavily. “I mean... a male expects something more from those interactions. They assume you share the same feelings. I’ve been with countless women, Edeline, and you’ve had one experience that was subpar to a real relationship. I understand you may not grasp these dynamics. Your relationship with Darius? Friends don’t act like that. Sure, friends are there for each other, but quick hugs are as far as it usually goes. Males and females who are just friends don’t hold hands or rub each other’s arms for comfort all the time. Maybe if one is angry, just to soothe them... but Edeline, males and females can’t have that kind of relationship without something more developing.”
I was at a loss for words, looking up at him with wide eyes. I thought I knew everything about relationships, but he was right.
David? He had loved me in secret during our so-called "friendship." And now there was Conor.
“Have I misled you in any way?” he asked, a serious expression crossing his face.
I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted him to explain this to me. He was right; I was naive about these things.
He glanced around, then pointed toward his door. “Let’s talk about it inside. I hear a wolf stirring. My room is soundproof.”
I quickly opened my bedroom door and set the canvas bag containing my prize rack on the floor. Then I walked down the hall to his room and stood there, holding the door.
I felt safe enough with him to have this conversation. I was old enough not to feel embarrassed, but I needed to understand what was happening. He had always taught me everything I knew.
I was sitting on his bed when he shut the door, watching as he walked over to sit beside me. He turned his body to face me, revealing his chiseled jaw and dark beard, the crookedness of his nose somehow adding to his rugged charm. He looked good in every way. I tried to focus, but it was hard...
“To answer your question... yes, you have led me on. But you did it unknowingly, which is why I never made a move on you. I knew you were being innocent about it. I’m assuming Percival was your first?” His eyes widened with curiosity.
I bit my lip and nodded, feeling a flush creep across my cheeks as his gaze darkened.
He gently placed his thumb on my chin, holding my jaw with his other hand, which made my lip slip from between my teeth.
“That’s one thing you don’t realize you’re doing—biting your lip. It’s hot.” His deep voice was calm, but his words made my eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
“I’m sorry?” I wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement.
He laughed, shaking his head. Then he took my hand, those dark eyes meeting mine. “This,” he said, gesturing to our hands, “isn’t okay either. If you just want to be friends with someone, limit the body contact. In cases where I'm severely angry or upset, it would be fine. But just holding hands to hold hands? That’s for couples.” He raised his eyebrows, freeing my hand from his grasp.
I didn’t respond; I was still processing everything.
“I know you don’t understand these things because you lack experience, and I’m happy to help you learn. Just remember there’s a line between friends and more than friends. If you don’t want the other person getting ideas, it’s best to stay on the other side of that line.” He smiled softly.
It was amazing how a man who could be so aggressive and dominating could also be so gentle when he spoke.
I gave him a shy smile. “Okay, I’ll do my best... but…” I looked up at him like a puppy, unsure.
“Yes?” He raised an eyebrow, his dark-brown eyes sparkling with curiosity.
“Oh no, does that mean we can’t hang out in our rooms anymore?” I asked, my voice playful and tentative.
He grinned and let out a deep, warm laugh. “Yes, we can still hang out in our rooms...”
I couldn’t help but smile back at him.
A moment passed in comfortable silence before he looked at me again. “Thank you for earlier, with Tatiana. For what you said. I know it must have been hard for you to go through what you did with her and still comfort her. But thank you. She has no one but me now. The only female influence in her life was Anita, and you see how well that turned out…”
My cheeks warmed with embarrassment. “It’s not a problem…”
He looked at me in amazement. “In some ways, you’re much wiser beyond your years—so mature. But in others, you’re still naive. However, I know one thing, Edeline: you have a good heart. If what you did for Tatiana, along with the fact that you refuse to give yourself to anyone but your mate, doesn’t attest to that, then I don’t know what will.” A warm smile graced his lips.
“But it does make me sad that I can’t have you all to myself. I wish so badly that I could... you don’t even know.” He shook his head, his eyes filled with longing. “But I get it. I understand you, and I appreciate your honesty.”
Honesty was something I had always valued, even when it came from those who lied.
I tried to grab his hand but stopped myself, looking down and placing my hand back in my lap. “I’m sorry, Conor. If… if I weren’t mated, I’d be foolish not to be with you. But—”
He interrupted in a deep voice, “But you’re too good of a wolf to let that happen. I get it. And if I can’t have you, I want to stay your friend. Just don’t tempt me. I beg you.”
I laughed, which made him chuckle in return. “I’ll try. Just tell me when I’m doing something wrong.”
He smiled. “Deal.”
I sighed and stood up, feeling the weight of tiredness settle in. I was ready to sleep in my room. Conor stood there, taller than I was, his eyes locked on mine. “Maybe someday I’ll find someone to be happy with... but until then, I still have needs. I haven’t been with any females out of respect for you because I didn’t know where you stood with me or if we were growing into anything. But now I know. I can finally find some relief from this stress.” He laughed again, and I struggled to keep my smile from fading.
“Ha, that was funny. But no one takes my place. I’m a jealous friend.”
His smile grew wide as he opened the door for me to leave. “Of course not. Goodnight, Edeline.” But his eyes seemed to convey more than just a farewell.
Like a silent goodbye.
“Goodnight, Conor.”
As his door shut behind me, I walked into the hallway, quickly entering my own room. I leaned against the door, my heart racing.