Chapter 205 Chapter 79

Chapter 205 Chapter 79

ASHLEY’S P.O.V

I had lost a baby once.

Then, I heard this slow, ominous beeping sound too.

Beep. Beep. Beep

I'd never get to see that Baby.

The world was blurry when I opened my eyes. The ceiling above me was pale white and too bright.

A hospital.

My throat was tight, and I tried to turn, to shake my head to the side, but I couldn't feel anything. Not my fingers or legs, not my stomach

Or even..

“My baby." The word tore out of my throat, making me wince as I did. I tried to lift my arms, to rub over the curve of my belly, to assure myself that my daughter was still there, that she hadn't gone too

But I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't move

I didn't feel her moving inside me

“My baby,” I whispered, warm tears trickling down my face. What had happened? What happened to my daughter? I was supposed to meet her in five weeks

Did I lose her too?

No, God couldn't be this cruel, right?

A big warm hand covered mine. I felt strong, sturdy fingers slide into mine. I felt a loving brush on the back of my hand.

It was with every ounce of effort that I managed to turn my neck and look into his face.

Green eyes met mine.

“Kellan” I breathed out his name in surprise and fear. Surprise because the Kellan before me was one I had never seen, and fear because I knew that if he were here with me, he would know

Kellan knows.

Oh God. My mouth fell open in a soundless gasp, just as he carefully pulled his hand away from mine.

“Kellan,” I repeated, watching his beautiful, unshaven face tighten, not with rage or anger but... hurt. A bone-deep slicing hurt

In the almost nine years I have known Kellan, I've seen him at his lowest, I've seen him at his worst. When he got rejected at his first startup attempt, when people pointed fingers at us and called us names for being a poor couple, and the times we couldn't afford decent meals.

I have seen Kellan break down after a visit to his mother's grave

But in all those times, those beautiful eyes of green have never been this... troubled. Broken. Hurt

The white of his eyes was Red. Red as in he's been awake for a long time, or crying.

I dragged in a breath “Kellan”

Kellan turned his face away towards the window, it was an effort to follow the movement. He closed his eyes shut tight, as if he was fighting back tears and Kellan's lips wobbled when he returned his gaze to me

The pain etched deep in his face made me regret every single lie I told him

He knows

My tears slid down to the hospital bed. “I'm sor—”

“The doctor said you’re stable,” he cut in hoarsely before I could apologize. “But since you had a false contraction early, they'll put you under close watch since you're in a precarious situation.”

I breathed in a sigh of relief. That meant my baby was fine, but what about me? Kellan?

Us?

“Kellan. I can exp—”

He ran a hand through his hair, his face tortured and his eyes began to glisten. Kellan exhaled sharply. “The doctor said if labor doesn’t start on its own in the next two weeks, they’ll perform a C-section.”

I nodded or managed what I thought was a nod. I tried to sit up or stand. I tried to reach him and explain why I hid the truth for so long, but when a sharp pain shot up from my legs to the inside of my head, I hissed.

Kellan was at my side with the speed of light. “Careful,” he muttered softly, but didn't look at me.

He wouldn't look at my eyes, and that shattered a part of my heart.

“Kellan…” My voice cracked just like my heart was cracking inside my chest. “I didn’t mean to hide it from you. I just—I was scared. When I found out I was pregnant with twins and only one...only one died...I was scared and...”

“You should have come to me” his words were a scrape of a whisper, full of pain and betrayal. “I made a mistake, yes, but Ashley, you should have come to me."

My chest shook with the tears swelling up and up. “I'm sorry Kellan.”

His chin quivered, and the tears in his eyes were bright. Kellan fisted the shirt above his chest tightly. “You should have come to me when you found out about our surviving baby".

The words were like a stab to my chest, sharp as knives, cutting through me and leaving only guilt in their wake. “I thought I was doing what was best for our daughter Kellan. I didn't want her to suffer the emotional neglect I had been through and... and then Genevieve....”.

“Do you think I wouldn't have been a better person for you, for her?” his words shook as he spoke.

“Do you think for a moment that I would not have given everything up just to give you and our daughter the life you both deserve?”

The tears on my cheeks were hot against my skin. “Kel—"

“She is my child. Ashley. MINE!” his quiet yell made me feel horrible

“Do you even have any idea how much I tortured myself for all the pain you had suffered in that miscarriage?” Kellan ran both hands over his hair again and tugged on it hard, almost ripping the strands from their roots

“Is it because I never told you how much it hurts to know we lost our baby, that I wasn't even aware of the few weeks of its existence? Is it because I never told you how much that miscarriage had broken me, do you for a moment think that I don't feel pain or loss?”

I couldn't open my mouth to speak, not with how tight my throat was.

Kellan fisted the shirt over his chest again. “All I ever wanted since you came up to me that hot afternoon was a life with you. I wanted a family with you Ashley. I dreamed of doing my forever with you and ...and my daughter...”

His haunted eyes found my belly. “My daughter Ash. We're you ever going to tell me that she was mine, that I was going to be a father? Was I not deserving of the knowledge of my child?”

“You are" I answered immediately. “I should have told you the minute I found out Kellan, I know I should. And I'm sorry." I sniffed back the snot in my nose. “I should have told you earlier and I wanted to but then Genevieve—”

He let out a humorless laugh. “Genevieve. That's your excuse? You didn't trust me enough to handle her. You thought it was better to fight her yourself? You didn't even give me a chance to fight for you and my daughter when you know I would have, I would have fought anyone who stood between our family.”

It was hard to see clearly through all the tears blurring my sight. I blinked them back. “I was scared for you Kellan. I know you would have fought her but I just...I just couldn't risk your life. Because I love you Kellan." I admit from the deepest depths of my heart. “I'm sorry I did what I did. It wasn't easy every time I looked into your face and lied. But I did it because I love you. Because even the slightest possibility of you getting hurt or...or worse makes me want to stop breathing."

I dragged in a deep breath. “I kept the truth away because it was the only way I could protect you.”

His jaw ticked once. Twice

Kellan glanced back at the window, different emotions swirling in his eyes.

“I've got people fishing out dirt on Genevieve,” he said after a long pause.

My brows shot up. “You are?”

“Yes,” Kellan answered. “I should find some evidence of her crimes soon."

He glanced at me, and for a fraction of a second, I thought I saw that look of love in his eyes, but he shook his head, and it was gone.

“I will fix it” Kellan promised.

“What about us?” I forced myself to ask. “Will you fix us, too?”

Please say yes Kellan. Say yes.

But he only smiled sadly at me. “I'll go get the doctor to check on you,” he

said softly and left

The echo of the closed doors and the weight of my unanswered question hung in the air for a long time after.