Silvy
I can’t believe I asked Goof to be my date for my dad’s wedding. Scratch that, yes I can. I seem to be doing many things out of character for me when it comes to Goof. Let’s go over the list, shall we? The first thing is I am now calling him just to see how his day was going. If he doesn’t come over that is. Which is damn near every night. And when he does come over I always want to cuddle up with him. I’m laying to him. I have my head on his shoulder, my head on his chest, holding his hand, or just leaning against him. And not just at home either. At work, the club, out to dinner even going for walks.
Yes, we go for walks now because it is good for the baby and prepares me for giving birth. I have been hanging around the club more which no one bats an eye at. Like it is normal for me to stop by after work or on my day off. We have been getting the nursery ready. Once Merigold took a look the other day she took over the painting part of it even though I told her she didn’t have to. She told me she wanted to do the work as a gift and I wasn’t going to talk to her out of it. So I didn’t bother. Now Goof lets Merigold in three days a week to create my ideal nursery. Goof and I have been looking at the furniture we want. We found most of it online but the crib I wanted to see in person.
So Goof took me to the next town over just because I wanted to look at a crib. I fell in love with the crib the moment I saw it. Solid maple wood with woodland animals carved into the railings. And it can transition into a toddler bed as the baby gets older. I watched Goof circle the crib several times. He read over the safety features and asked the clerk a bunch of questions about it. Like if there had ever been any recalls. I wouldn’t have thought to ask that. After having been satisfied that all his questions had been answered Goof came back over to me.
He wrapped his arms around me from behind and I leaned into him. I always do it. I enjoy doing it. I feel comfort in his arms. I feel safe. And when he places his hands on my seven-month pregnant belly I swear I feel like this is right. Goof ran his hands up and down my belly “ What do you think, babe? Can you picture putting our little one to bed in this?” I place my hands on the rail and look over. I can see it. Goof and I tucked our baby into bed after a bath with a clean diaper and footy pajamas. Or after a story and rocking them to sleep. I can even see the bedding, and marine animals to match the walls. I turn my head to Goof and smiled “ Yeah, Micheal. I can. I can see it all.” Goof kissed my forehead and then looked at the clerk. “ We will take it,” he said. “ And the matching rocking chair,” I said.
It was a glider rocking chair with the same designs and a footrest. “ What about the bedding and blankets?” Goof asked. Not wanting to move I turn my head again “ What do you think?” I asked him. Another thing I am doing that I didn’t do before. I was supposed to be doing this on my own. Now I’m asking what he thinks about blankets our baby may sleep on. And it isn’t that I can’t decide without him, I just want to know how he feels about what we pick out. Goof places his chin on my shoulder and looks at the crib. “ What I think is that I can close my eyes and picture our baby sleeping in this crib with all the bedding and mobile in the room we designed just for them. So I say we get it all.” Goof said.
He is so damn sweet he is making my teeth hurt. Goof helped me get everything set up to have the crib, rocking chair, matching dresser and changing table delivered to the house. Goof also got all the bedding, a small lamp and the mobile. Not only did Goof pay for it all, but he also promised to have Tank come over and help him put it together for me. I would have normally insisted on doing it myself or asked my dad to help. But this time I let Goof take control.
And there are the other things I am doing that is out of character for me. Like when I talk to Goof each day I have been asking him if he is going to be home for dinner. My home. Or what time he was going to be home? Or if we were cooking or ordering out that night? Or what he was in the mood for? I live alone. Or I did. At some point, Goof’s stuff started showing up. A toothbrush here. A pair of pants there. He has a hook for his kutte and keys. He has his coffee cup in the kitchen. The fridge has Goof’s favorite drinks and foods in it. Goof’s body wash is in the shower and his towel is hanging up next to mine.
I don’t know when it happened exactly. Or why I didn’t stop it when I noticed it happening. Part of me is shouting at me to stop this before he is completely moved in. I want to put my hands up and put on the brakes. Things are moving too fast. It is telling me that I should be doing this on my own. I don’t need Goof. Normally I would listen to that part of me. The naysayer. But there is the other part that seems to be getting louder. The part that says let it go. That things are moving forward like they are supposed to. That Goof is supposed to be in my bed every night. Or join me in the shower.
The part that looks forward to Goof being here when I get home. Or seeing his laundry mixed with mine. The part that likes it when Goof calls out “ Babe, I’m home.” Or when he comes into the kitchen while I’m cooking and wraps his arms around me from behind and kisses my cheek before grabbing a beer. Or helping me with dinner so we can eat together. Or being greeted with a bowl of my favorite ice cream and chocolate-covered cherries when I get home. Or having me sit down and relax while we watch tv and he rubs my sore feet.
Or the times we soak in the tub together and talk about our day or the future. Or how Goof liked going from prospect to full patch. Or who his favorite ol' lady is. Just so you know Goof doesn’t have a favorite just two that he is closer to than the others. Lilly and Sabine. I don’t know what to do. There is still the little issue of trust. I still don’t completely trust Goof, yet. And it is nothing he has done. He has been by my side showing me every day he is worth my trust. And my time. I haven’t seen him with a skank. I don’t smell thier horrible perfume on him. There are no lipstick stains on him or his clothes. Goof usually comes from work or the club straight here so I know he isn’t taking a shower to get rid of any evidence. The trust issue is me. I know I need to talk to him about it if we have any chance of working. The question is do I want it to work? Do I want Goof in my life not just the baby’s?
Do I want to go back to just being friends? Do I want to lose this closeness we have gained over my issues? Do I want to risk losing the greatest man I have ever known next to my dad? For something that honestly has nothing to do with him. These are the same questions I asked myself time and time again. I don’t have all the answers just yet. I’m getting closer though. There is one thing I know for sure. I don’t want to lose Goof. So I need to fix my issues and talk to him about them before I end up pushing him away. Into the arms of someone who doesn’t have issues and will welcome him with open arms. I need to talk to my dad. I know he had similar issues and he must have gotten over them if he is marrying Gena.
So that is what I’m doing today. I asked to meet him to meet me at the diner so we were interrupted. I adore Xavier and Gena is pretty cool but right now I need my dad to myself. After we placed our order Dad took one look at me and asked “ What’s wrong, princess?” “ How did you know?” I asked. Dad just gives me the look. You know the look that says who am I trying to bullshit. I know I can’t fool him. I don’t want to. I came for his help. So I lay it all out for him. Everything that has been happening with Goof and me. I even told Dad how Goof practically lives with me.
“ Silvy, sweetheart. I know you have a hard time trusting people. The same as me. But princess if you don’t talk to him about it you are going to lose out. I was lucky. Gena was patient with me. She had her issues. We worked on it together. And I’m getting married because we were able to work it out. I have talked to Goof a couple of times now. He appears to be a good man.” Dad said. He laid his hand on mine. “ Princess, you need to think long and hard about what you want. And what you feel. If you feel like you could love Goof. If you think you might want what you guys have to be more than just co-parents. Talk to him. Tell him everything. Your worries, your fears, your concerns. I’m sure he will understand. But before you do any of that, you need to think about what you want.” Dad said. I have a lot to think about. And someone to have a serious talk with.