Chapter 89: JUST TO BREATHE

Alda's POV

“Siofra, we have been sitting out here for minutes. I know you're angry, but we really need to head back inside. We need to check up on Elba,” I said, my voice soft as I tried for the second time to get through to her.

I had found her sitting completely isolated on a street bench not very far from Mike's clinic. She looked so small out here, surrounded by the quiet human world, but the air around her was vibrating with a heavy, dangerous emotion.

“I don't get it! Why are they so quiet on me? Why is there suddenly no connection?!” Her voice rang out in pure, unfiltered anger, cutting through the night air. She stood up abruptly, turning her face to the sky. “Why would they pick me and then completely ghost me the next second? I thought they were supposed to guide me! I thought me bonding with the gems meant having the connection I needed with the spirit goddesses of each of those stones... so why are they suddenly so quiet?!”

I felt it. Every single bit of that emotion—the blinding anger, the suffocating frustration, the deep, agonizing pain—I felt it all bleeding through our bond. It was tearing her apart from the inside.

“I know it's hard, but you don't have to be so incredibly mad at yourself,” I said softly. I reached a hand out, intending to place it on her shoulder to offer some comfort, but she violently snapped before my fingers could even touch her.

“No! You don't understand, Alda! No one understands!” she yelled, turning on me fiercely. “Álfheimr is at the absolute verge of collapsing because my sister couldn't deal with the fact that she wasn't picked as the next queen! I, on the other hand, had to deal with the fact that I was handed a massive responsibility I was never prepared for! And now? Now I am fucking stuck in a human body, on the human realm, and those fucking spirits are all going completely quiet on me!”

She took a ragged, breathless step toward me, her hands trembling with a mix of fury and helplessness. “Every single step I have taken has been nothing but useless! I just keep coming back and getting stuck right here with you!”

The harsh words cut through the air, filling my ears and echoing cruelly inside my head for seconds. I froze, my eyes staring into her glowing green eyes, which were filled with nothing but absolute anger.

But then, the intense glow suddenly died out. The fury in her eyes was instantly replaced by a wave of crushing regret, but I wasn't surprised. What was I even thinking? I thought bitterly. Of course she saw being bound to me as a prison.

“Alda... I... I didn't mean to say that,” Siofra began, her voice dropping into a desperate whisper as she realized how deeply her words had stung.

But I just needed to breathe. It suddenly felt like the weight of the entire world had dropped straight onto my shoulders, and it was so heavy I could feel a physical ache blooming in my heart.

As she took a step toward me to close the gap, I immediately forced myself to my feet, quickly backing away to create a wide, protective distance between us.

“I understand,” I replied, my voice barely escaping as a whisper. “I’ll just go back inside and check up on Elba.”

I began backing away completely, ready to just leave, to walk away into the clinic without looking back. But as I turned, a sudden thought halted my steps. There was something I needed to say to her. Something she desperately needed to hear, even if it hurt.

When I turned back to face her, I realized she had followed me and was standing almost right behind me in the shadows.

“Maybe, just maybe, you not accepting that you were the true queen of Álfheimr from the very beginning is the reason your bond with the gem spirit goddesses is so weak,” I said, looking straight into her eyes.

Siofra went completely still.

“Maybe it's because you're still choosing to live as the Siofra your mom made you into,” I continued, the words pouring out of my own tired soul. “Maybe you actually need to believe that you were chosen for a reason, and that this is your true calling. Maybe then... you might actually be able to connect to them again.”

My gaze briefly locked onto hers, watching the shock ripple through her features, before I firmly dragged my eyes away.

With that, I turned around and headed straight back into the clinic building. A wave of relief washed over me when I realized she wasn't following me inside. But the damage was done. Her harsh words had only awakened the dark, doubtful voices in my own head, completely fracturing what little was left of my mental stability.

I was just so incredibly done with all of this. I just wanted out of everything.

Xender's POV

I was the first one to push through the double doors and leave the surgery room. Mike had successfully managed to extract the sharp iron fragment that had pierced deep into her lower abdomen, and the moment he began sewing up the clean lines of her flesh, I had to get out. I needed to breathe air that didn't smell like blood, chemical cleansers, and everything else associated with a traumatic operating room.

But as I made my way down the quiet hallway toward the waiting area, I spotted Alda. She was already seated on one of the plastic chairs, looking so entirely lost and hollow that she didn't even hear the sound of my heavy footsteps approaching. I quickly glanced around the corridor for the green-eyed spirit figure—I was finally beginning to fully acknowledge her presence—but she was nowhere in sight.

Has she suddenly turned invisible again? I wondered.

“Alda,” I called out softly, keeping my voice low so as not to startle her. She didn't respond. She just kept staring blankly out into the empty space in front of her, her back slightly turned away from me.

“Alda,” I tried again. This time, I reached out and gently touched her shoulder.

She finally flinched and turned around, looking up at me. Bitter tears completely filled those familiar brown eyes, and the look she gave me was so heartbreakingly empty.

“Alda, what's wrong?” I asked softly, carefully moving to sit down on the plastic chair right beside her.

But she only looked away from me, shaking her head as a tear spilled over. “It's nothing. How is she doing? Will she live?”

She had immediately deflected the question away from herself, turning it back to the elven girl, and that little defensive move only broke my heart further. Instead of answering her right away, I just stared at her face, wishing more than anything that I could see her smile again.

I was so incredibly tired of seeing her cry. It broke my heart to know that, somehow, I had become a major part of the pain she was carrying.

“I'm sorry, Alda,” I whispered before I could even stop myself. The words felt too small, but I wished with everything in me that there was another way—a better way—I could show her just how deeply sorry I was for not believing her from the start.

“I'm just going to go and check up on Elba,” she said quickly, using her sleeve to wipe the tears off her face before she abruptly stood up and walked away.

I stayed behind on the chair, completely frozen, feeling like I was drowning in the weight of my own helpless pain.

Alda's POV

I walked away from him, but it wasn't because I didn't want to hear him out or accept his apology. It was because, deep down, I felt it was better to keep things exactly the way they were between us. I needed him to think I was still deeply angry with him. That way, when the time finally came for me to leave for good, I could fall back on that anger and walk away without ever looking back. It was the only way to protect both of our hearts.

I found Mike just as he was stepping out of Elba's private recovery ward, and I immediately ran up to him, my chest tightening.

“Please tell me she's going to be okay,” I pleaded, looking up at him.

Mike sighed, shoving both of his hands deep into the pockets of his white lab coat as his gaze came to rest on mine. “She will be fine, Alda. You don't have to worry about her for now.”

He kept his eyes on me for a long moment before glancing back toward the closed door of the room where Elba was resting. I could tell just by the look on his face that he had a million heavy questions he wanted to ask, but he was intentionally hesitating, holding his tongue.

“What I'm trying to say is that you need to go home and get some rest, Alda,” Mike said, running a tired hand through his hair. “At this point, I'm more worried about you and Xender than anything else. I can barely even digest a glass of water with the two of you looking like walking ghosts.”

A small, weary breath escaped me.

“Of course I have a million questions I want to ask you—questions that would probably keep us up all night,” Mike added with a gentle, reassuring tone. “But I want you to go home, sleep, and come back tomorrow so we can actually sit down and talk about this. And also... please don't be too angry with Xender for not believing you when you first told him. It was all my fault. I was the one who kept telling him it was just trauma.”

Hearing Mike actively stand up for his friend brought a tiny, genuine smile to my face despite the heavy darkness of the night.

“It's okay, Mike. And thank you... thank you for saving her, regardless of how completely insane everything is,” I replied, genuinely glad that he was giving me permission to leave.

I was incredibly thankful that Elba was going to survive, but my mind and body were completely shattered. I just needed a break from the chaos, and being entirely alone in my own room was the best place to start.

Tonight, I was going to be selfish.

I didn't want to think about realms, or spirits, or soul-bonding. I just wanted to close my eyes and rest.