Chapter 12: A conversation with the psychiatrist

Sophia POV

I took a deep breath, twisting my mouth, then handed the suitcase handle to him. I wanted to talk to Perseus and Hyperion. I honestly don't know... I hadn't said yes or no...

The thought of leaving… Going back to my friends, back to my life… I can feel a metallic taste in my mouth. This is very strange, I'm having a physical reaction to a thought that might benefit me. Does my subconscious want to stay here? Why?

Alex grabbed the handle of the suitcase and started walking, I followed a little behind him. Trying to come up with explanations for my reactions. It was a complicated spiral. How long have I been displaying negative actions? I don't know how to answer precisely… I need a session with my psychiatrist.

Soon we were in the car heading towards the building where I was staying, I took the cell phone and sent a message to the psychiatrist asking for an urgent session, and she accepted, now I just needed to get to the room to make the call to her. Meanwhile, I can feel the anxiety rising.

I hate it, I hate feeling this way, but it's not something I can control, I started doing the breathing exercises and I noticed that the anxiety started to subside a little. I took that moment to put my headphones on and turn on my playlist. I closed my eyes and let myself be carried away by the music and imagined the scenes of the next game that I would narrate. That was the thing that calmed me down the most, as I didn't realize we'd arrived until Alex called out my name.

I opened the car door and got out before someone opened the door, I walked towards the elevator, I know that Alex is right behind, so I have nothing to worry about, if not for the fact that caught my attention. The woman named Dafne was near the front desk, talking to a man wearing a cleaning uniform, which from the look on his face wasn't good.

I bit my lower lip hard and got into the elevator, I didn't like situations like that, something tells me that Daphne wasn't just drawing attention, but humiliating the servant, but this isn't mine, it's not my stuff and I need to walk away, so the less involved, the better.

Upon entering the room assigned to me, I grabbed my suitcase and closed the door in Alex's face, I know he wants to talk but I don't want to talk to any of them, not yet. Finally, I sat on the bed, crossed my legs and called my psychiatrist, it took three rings and I saw her face appear on the cell phone screen.

“Good afternoon, Sophia, how are you?”

"Sincerely? I don't know… I want to go back, this is not my place, but at the same time something is telling me to stay!”

“Calm down… Let's analyze things from the beginning. Remember a few weeks ago you said you weren't feeling very well?"

“Um… I remember, but I also remember that it was over, as things got better between me and Joshua.”

“So… You broke up with him and now you're far away… But is that a bad thing?”

“I was only hospitalized for three days!”

“Yes, but what happened that triggered this?”

“I was having lunch with Perseus, Achilles and Hyperion… I started to analyze them, by the attitudes they had and then I felt… It was strange, I saw for a while that it wasn't Perseus, but he. So I tried to pull away and ended up passing out.”

“Right… See, you've always been good at reading people, you've always had that, but sometimes you get it wrong… Perseus doesn't have any physical traits like what you've already described. from him… But they are similar in other ways. They are rich, successful business heads, with many friends loyal to them…”

“Hmm, are you saying that I subconsciously projected onto Perseushe?”

“It's one of the answers… You know what you've been through and you've overcome it, but you've always wanted to stay away from that kind of person and you've always had a preconception with them…”

“Not everyone is the same.”

"Exactly. How can you be sure that Perseus equals? You just saw the man passed out on the bed, or else recovering, and the first time you had the opportunity to talk, he got scared.”

“I know, I know… But, the way… I was really scared, in a way that I haven't felt in many years.”

"It's normal to be afraid, but in all these years I've been helping you, you've overcome a lot... Are you the person you were 8 years ago?"

"No."

“But he continues with this fear and judging people without knowing them. I know you want to go back because it's safer. Absolutely, but I suggest you take a vacation, have fun… Since you started working here, I haven’t seen you take a vacation…”

“My work… Is what keeps me sane…”

“He is one of the things, the rest are your friends, your hobbies, the medicine you take… But you are also overloaded.”

“So you suggest I stay here?”

"Yes and no. This is your decision. It will be easier for you to come back... But I believe that you need a vacation and the place you are in will also help you overcome the fears you have.”

“That's not all… I'm also, I don't know why, attracted to Achilles, it's in a very strange way…”

“Strange? Sophia, you're going to the swing party… You're an extremely sexually active person and you're not afraid. Why is being attracted to Achilles bad?”

“That you're right… I just…”

“You find it strange because he is rich, powerful and has loyal friends… A direct comparison with. So let go, live it… Stay there for a few days, enjoy…”

"I see, well you're right..."

“Look, just to make you calmer, I'm going to change your medication, so you'll have time there to drink alcohol and have a little more fun.”

“Besides, I have a cute bodyguard…”

"Just don't go to the hospital because of that huh!"

“Ok…”

The conversation continued for a few more minutes, but the main thing had already been said and really what my psychiatrist had said was right. I turned off the phone and lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

It was my decision, there were pros and cons to staying there. I could take a vacation somewhere else, visit Europe, or see London or Paris, it's not like I'm broke. I have good money, I'm not a millionaire, but well... I don't have a family, I don't have a mortgage, I don't have huge debts and I invest... So I have a certain amount of money saved and I can buy things of brands and value and well, when I I want to be able to spend a lot of money and not worry about whether I'll have money to pay my credit card, since most things I buy in cash.

The question is: Do I want to stay here?

I closed my eyes and imagined myself leaving that place, taking the helicopter and going to another city, going back to my city or somewhere else, it didn't matter... Whenever I thought about leaving there, I could feel discomfort, it's like discomfort. in the belly, a strange and bad feeling.

In the end, there is only one real answer I can leave and face this discomfort, or I can stay and just enjoy my vacation. It didn't mean I needed to be around Achilles or Perseus.

There are so many beautiful guys and women I could hook up with, I'm sure there are plenty of clubs and bars open. I jumped out of bed, smiling in the corner. Well, since it's vacation, let's enjoy it, go shopping, go dancing, drink, and meet new people.

I took my wallet and my cell phone, they were the only things I needed, everything else I can buy. I walked towards and opened the door and looked to the side, seeing Alex there.

“Come on, we have shopping to do!” I said smiling, wrapping my arms around him on the right side. “I have to buy new clothes and go to a salon for makeup!” I started to walk, pulling Alex who was half stunned. “Quick answer, I'm staying here for a few days, enjoying my vacation… Which means I have to buy gifts, clothes, makeup, hire a tour guide and many other things.”

“Um… But… Are you okay? Can you drink?” Alex asked me stopping in the middle of the hall and looking at my face seriously.

“Well, that's a tough question… No, I'm not fine, but I intend to be… This means I'm going to take my shrink's suggestion and stop thinking too much about things and enjoy my much-deserved vacation, which I haven't taken in a while. years." I responded as best I could at the time. “But which means I'm going to enjoy things and…” I paused for a few seconds. "I'm not going to worry about things I can't control." Smile.

“Um… Alright then… But what about the medicine? Are you sure you can drink it?” Alex

“Yes, as long as not excessively and not every day. My shrink changed some meds, which means I have to go to the hospital to get them.” I pulled him back to walk. “Besides, I'm sure you'll continue as my bodyguard. So I don't have to worry about being molested around, do I?" I winked at him, laughing again.

“Surely not going to happen!” Alex spoke seriously and resumed walking normally. “I know a mall nearby that has a lot of stores and I think you'll like it.”

“Oops! So just lead the way.” I took the cell phone and started looking at the clubs that would be open that night, I saw some that caught my attention. “Hmm… There are no LGBT clubs?” I scrolled further down the page and then expanded the search to neighboring cities and saw that there were one or two cities away. “I even found one, but it’s too far away… Maybe for tomorrow.”

I was talking more to myself than to Alex.

“Look, I like Silver Claw. There are a few tracks there, but mostly they play pop rock.” Alex suggested it to me and then I looked for the name of the place, it was a beautiful club with varied prices. I took the opportunity to reserve a cabin and made the payment online. “Okay, reserved cabin 13.”

"Like this? But already? Cabin? Do you already have someone in mind to call?” Alex

"No! But I think you know some people. Since you were the one who pointed me to the place.” I smiled as we entered the elevator.

“Well, I sure do know a few people.” Alex pressed the downstairs button, then took out his cell phone and sent a message. “I called some friends. “

“And friends?” I asked smiling maliciously.

“Um… er…” I noticed that Alex was embarrassed and arched an eyebrow.

“Ta, that in a place like this, being gay would be a problem,” I said closing my face. This was not good.

“Well… The town here is more conservative in general and…” Alex tried to explain, but I took a deep breath.

"Excellent! You'll see, I'll decorate the building with a rainbow flag…” I said, in a half-joking, half-serious tone. “I will have to see how they open a bar around here, some stores… I have friends who would love to hear about it.” I smiled, already thinking about what I would wear for the night.

“Sophia… It's not like that… It's really… It's not like it's forbidden, it's just that people are more closed about it.” Alex tried to explain again and thankfully the elevator door opened and he stepped out.

“If people don't express themselves, it means they are afraid!” I spoke in a louder tone. “Heavens! I'm even regretting staying, I know London has loud gay clubs! And some swing houses too!” I didn't lower my tone and saw the shocked face that Alex made, along with some other people who were around, I turned my back on them and left the building laughing.

The mall wasn't too far from where I was, so I could walk there, no problem, I'd probably find somewhere there to take a quick shower and change and do my makeup.

“Sophia!” Alex called me and I looked back and saw him coming faster towards me and when he got close I just shook my head slightly. “Our town is smaller, you can't leave…”

“Let's stop there… Alexander!” I stopped walking and crossed my arms. “I can, I will… If you don't want to be on my side, I can ask to replace you, no problem. Its rules are archaic and I don't care about them. Now you're telling me I'm going to get beat up, about humiliation or whatever just because I express myself… So there's something very rotten about all of you.” I looked around at the people who were there. “So tell me… Is this how the Houroux family let things go? Y ' all know it's against the law to any kind of racism or prejudice, no matter if it's race, gender, age, sexual attraction or any other! And don't tell me it's against nature and God, that this is just bullshit... Since it seems that the whole town loves wolves and anything that involves them, several scientific studies report homosexual and completely normal behavior within packs or lone wolves… And I’m only talking about one animal, there are many others and even more noble ones, like lions!”

If there was one thing that pissed me off, it was this.

“Do you know how many people arrive at Gillian's because they've been attacked by family, friends or strangers just because they don't fit into the clique they wanted?” I twisted my mouth and didn't even give him the option to answer me, I turned my back and kept walking, putting the headphones back on.