Chapter 21: Raine

We decide to eat without talking about any of the things that we just disclosed. It feels good to just relax and eat and ignore all the feelings that this has dredged up. I feel lighter. This burden seems to be leaving me. I had no idea how freeing it was to divulge your truths to the people you love. I don’t know what they are thinking right now. But based on the comfortable atmosphere, I think that they are going to be okay. They are accepting the situation.

Jade is sitting next to me. She has her tiny little hand on my knee under the table. It’s a dark restaurant with a long red and white checkered tablecloth. I place my hand over the top of hers. It feels natural. The comfort her touch radiates is calming. Her cute little laugh is familiar and calming to me. Her presence always makes my pulse steady and breathing relax. Unless of course she is kissing me. Then it is the complete opposite.

Jonah is talking about school starting next week and about the art auction coming up. Both of those things make me a little anxious. Jade senses my apprehension and flips her hand over to intertwine her fingers with mine. She squeezes just slightly to let me feel her support. “I have never been in school obviously, so I hope that I fit in,” I tell them. “Don’t worry about that Raine. People are drawn to you baby. Your caring nature is evident. You will be fine,” Mom tells me. “The class size is really small. Everyone there is artistic in some way. They will love to hear you play the guitar,” Jade says. “I know it will be okay. I just hate it when people ask me a lot of questions about myself that I can’t answer.” Jade looks at me and says “Don’t worry about that. Just hang with me. I will distract everyone from you.”

We all head to our respective homes. I get a good night’s sleep. I know tomorrow they will finally know everything. Sunday after I hike for a few hours, we head over to Jades. Before we start talking, she shows me the painting her Mom did from the Ferris Wheel in Santa Cruz. It’s amazing. It looks just how I remember it. She hung it up in the studio. She said she wants to remember our moment. That’s a good feeling, when someone else cares about you as much as you care for them. That’s what life is really about. I hope one day, all of the kids back in the compound will have a chance to experience it too.

We sit outside today because it is such a nice day. We can see the ocean even though it’s about 2 miles away. Watching and hearing the waves is very calming. Mom and I both tell them how Grandpa took us back to Seattle. He took us both to a doctor and got full checkups. I went to the dentist too. I also went to the eye doctor and got my glasses. It’s amazing how better everything looks when you can actually see properly. Mom had told Grandpa just the basics of our last 15 years. She told him that she wasn’t ready to go into more detail. He respected her wishes and let us both know that he loved us and that he was sorry he had chased her away. They both cried and cried with apologies. Mom told Grandpa how guilty she was that he had given all that money and yet she didn’t get released. He let us know that the money was meaningless, and he just wanted her back. He then used some more of his money to get us hidden in another state.

We didn’t stay hidden for long. Ezekiel was definitely looking for Mom. Occasionally we would hear over the internet about a man looking for his wife who he claimed had “mental issues”, and that he wanted her safe return with the promise of a reward. He posted her photo. He said she may be with a “deranged young man” who had taken her. Then posted photos of me. We followed those boards closely every day. There were lots of discussions about us and lots of tips that were never true. People really wanted that reward. About 6 months later, we saw someone post an actual photo of us taken at a grocery store. It had the correct town listed. And that was it. We packed up that night and grandpa sent us someplace else.

That happened again in a similar manner in the next town. Our next move was to Canada. We were hoping his reach wouldn’t extend that far. But sadly, it did. But this time was different. It came in the form of a bounty hunter. I saw a scary guy watching us when we were filing up the car with gas. We drove the opposite way of home. He followed. Then there was a high-speed chase. We were very fortunate that Mom did some quick thinking and evaded him. But our cover was blown. We went to a hotel that night. Grandpa again moved us. That’s how we ended up here. He thought it was a good spot because people in this area were rich and probably not looking for a reward. And the area is big, but the population small. He not only wants Mom back, but he also wants me dead. I know he is afraid we will go to the police. But he also considers himself untouchable. So, he takes unnecessary risks. We have been watching the internet closely. And so far, there is nothing about us. We don’t use social media at all and took a different last name. Not Ezekiel’s obviously, and not grandpas.

My Mom looks nervous for a moment and stops talking. “I need to tell you something Raine. The last name we are using right now, Alexander, that was your Father’s last name.” she says suddenly. She has never told me his last name before. She probably didn’t want me to look for him. Wow, I don’t even know what to say about that. Jades mouth is hanging open just a little. “So, could you find Raine’s Dad for him?” Jade asks. “Well, um, I had never really thought about it Raine. I was just thinking about our safety for the last three years. I haven’t honestly even done an internet search on him.” I'm a little stunned right now still. It’s not as though I hadn’t thought about my father. But I had never really imagined Mom telling me much about him. I learned more in the last 3 days than I had in the last 3 years. I plan to look him up on the internet for sure. But that doesn’t mean I would ever try to contact him. That could be dangerous for us if he is famous at all. This will be a discussion for another time.

Mom says she wants to talk with Jonah privately for a while about some personal stuff. That sounds like a great idea to me. I feel the same. Jade and I stay outside while they go in. We are sitting by the fire. Jade comes over and sits beside me on the porch swing. We take each other’s hand. I bring hers up to my mouth and kiss it. She looks me in the eyes. “I have so much I want to say to you Raine, but I am thinking that we both need to process all of this for a little while. I thought maybe I should tell you my secret.”

Am I ready for this after all our confessions already? I don’t want anything to change between us. But I need to be strong for her like she has been for me. I have no idea what this is going to be about. “Okay baby, tell me about it.” I tell her. She takes a deep breath and looks down at her lap. “My Mom died of Lupus when I was 13 as you already know. She wanted me to live my life the way she wished she could have. To enjoy it completely. Try everything, experience everything this life offers. She started getting sick when I was about ten. At first, she was just tired all the time. Then other symptoms started showing up. She was diagnosed about a year later. And two years after that, she was dead.” She pauses. My heart is beating fast.

“There isn’t an actual blood test you can take for this disease. If you have all the symptoms, then the doctors know you have it. And its hereditary. So, for the last six months I have been extremely tired. I fight to stay awake all the time. Even now, I'm just barely keeping it together. I haven’t told my Dad. I don’t want to scare him. And there isn’t really a cure. So, I don’t see the point of talking to the doctor. I just wanted you to know what you could be getting yourself into with me. Maybe you don’t want to take on a sick girl who could die.”

“Jade, look at me” I tell her. Then I take her other hand in mine as well. “I am in love with you. Completely and utterly in love. I love your art. I love that you are messy. I love how much you care about others. And I love that you love me. There is no way I would not choose to be with you. If I knew for certain that I would lose you in six months, I would still want to be with you. And we would make the best of all the time you have. If I thought you were contagious, I would still want to be with you. I don’t think you realize just how much you mean to me Jade. You are my salvation. I had no hope before I met you. Now I feel so free. So cared for. Like I am important. That my life matters. And that is all because of you. Jade, you are everything to me baby. I will be by your side whether you like it or not. You are stuck with me.”

Tears are streaming down her face. Big fat tears. I release one of her hands and wipe away some of them. I keep my hand on her face and kiss her gently and reverently. I feel her anxiety slowly releasing from her body. She pulls away slightly and looks at me again. “I was so scared to tell you Raine. Please don’t say anything to my Dad yet. I'm not ready for that. Neither is he.” I press my forehead to hers. “I won’t say anything. That is your place, not mine. But I do encourage you to go to the doctor. It could be something totally different. Or they could at least give you advice to bump up your energy level. and I hope that you will tell me if you are ever feeling really tired and need to rest, okay?” She nods her head. “I will Raine, I promise.”

We sit outside and swing for a while with my arm around her shoulder and her head resting against me. “So, the reason I didn’t want to perform at the auction was because I'm afraid someone will take a video of me and post it on the internet. I know Ezekiel is looking for us. I can’t risk that happening. I'm so sorry.” I tell her. “Oh Raine, no, don’t be sorry. I’m the one who should apologize to you for pushing it. I had no idea how risky that would be. I completely understand. I would never want to put you in that position.” She tells me. “I know you wouldn’t. You couldn’t possibly have known. It’s okay.”

We talk about some of her paintings. Then I tell her Mom’s book is fiction, but it’s based on our time in the compound. That she will be using a pseudonym when she publishes it. Jade is pretty interested in that and would like to read it sometime. I explain that grandpa is supporting us right now because he is afraid of either one of us being noticed. But I don’t want to always live like that. I wish there was a way that Ezekiel was out of the picture.

Jade says it’s time for us to sit further apart. Sure enough, our parents come outside shortly thereafter. They tell us that we can talk more about things another day. Then we head home.

When I'm alone in my room, I worry about Jade’s condition. I pray she isn’t sick. That would crush me. I would take any amount of time with her that I was given. I just wish we didn’t have to hide our relationship. But my Moms happiness is more important than mine right now. She deserves her happily ever after. And I couldn’t ask for a better man than Jonah. He is good to her. I'm sure that he would protect her too, just as I would. Then I start to think about my biological father. Could he be out there wondering what happened to my Mom? Is he married with other children now? Is he a famous musician? I will look into it tomorrow.