Chapter 59: Fifty Nine

I’d been curled up on my bed, staring at the wall, trying to make sense of everything when Declan’s text had lit up my phone.

Come over. Please.

I hadn’t responded. I wasn’t even sure why my feet had carried me to his door, but here I was, not remotely ready to see him, not sure what I would say to him, or what he would say to me.

When he opened the door, his eyes met mine instantly, like he’d sensed me before the knock even landed. He looked like hell, hair tousled, his shirt crinkled. He looked really tired.

But his eyes. When he saw me, his eyes softened.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

I didn’t answer. Just stepped in.

It smelled like wine and rosemary and something warm. The hallway was dimly lit, and there was soft jazz floating in from the dining room. I walked slowly, cautiously. What was going on?

When I turned the corner and saw the candlelit table. Two plates, cloth napkins, wine glasses already poured.

I looked up at him.

“What is this?”

Declan stepped beside me, not too close. Just enough that I could feel the warmth of his body next to me.

“I thought… maybe we could talk. Over dinner. I didn’t want to text this apology.”

“You made dinner?” I asked, still stunned.

He scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, I can’t cook much. But I saw this recipe on YouTube and it has turned out well.”

I turned to him slowly, emotions swirling in my chest. Even with all my anger and anxiety, I felt a surge of tenderness fill me. “Declan…”

He looked wrecked. And beautiful. And so stupidly him. Trying to fix our fight with this candlelight dinner. He didn’t always say the right things. But then he did these things, and my heart melted. My sweet, lovely man, who only knew grand gestures and not soft words.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I wanted to say its okay. I had already forgiven him, in my mind. I was that easy. But I knew I still needed to say something, and to remind him that this could never happen, again.

“You can’t just punch someone and then pour wine and expect it to be okay.”

“I know.”

“You scared me. You lost control.”

“I know,” he said again. Pain flashed in his eyes. Maybe it was sick and twisted, but I loved when he looked at me like this. Eyes soft, vulnerable. “And I hate that. I hate that I made you feel unsafe, even for a second. That’s not the man I want to be.”

I stayed frozen, my arms wrapped tightly around myself. He lighty touched my face. I didn’t turn away, even though I should have. I could never resist his touch.

“I shouldn’t have hit him,” he continued, stepping forward, slow, deliberate. “I shouldn’t have let jealousy get the better of me. But seeing him kiss you, and knowing he was in your apartment, late at night, I lost it. Not because I thought you were cheating. But because I felt like I was losing you. And I didn’t know how to deal with that.”

I let him continue, “And I’m just a man, Willow. I get jealous. And I am possessive about you. I can’t help that. But I just know I can’t lose you.”

“You are losing me,” I said, the words bursting out, raw and brittle. “Declan, we are a mess. Since we met, nothing has been okay. And I love you, God, I really do. But look at what we are doing. We are on fire. In the worst way.”

He flinched like I’d slapped him. And still, he didn’t look away.

“I’ll put it out,” he said. “I’ll fix it. I just need you to talk to me. Yell at me. Scream at me. But don’t walk away.”

The anger still simmered inside me, but underneath it… was pain. And love. And fear. Oh God, so much fear.

I swallowed. “We need to talk first. Before anything else.”

He nodded, backing away slightly, gesturing to the couch.

We sat opposite each other, the distance between us felt unreal. I hated being so far away from him. I wanted to be near him, feel his skin on mine.

I folded my hands tightly. “I’ve been drowning in guilt for weeks. Jacob is a good guy. And yes, he has feelings for me. But he never crossed a line with me.”

Declan’s jaw tensed, but he said nothing.

“I hurt him,” I continued, voice shaking. “But you? You humiliated him. In public. At our university. You hit him. That’s so fucking stupid, Declan.”

“I know. I’ll deal with the consequences.”

“Will you?” I asked, voice rising. “Because if the school finds out about us, it won’t just be about your temper. It’ll be about everything. You’ll lose your job. Your career. And I’ll be the girl who ruined it all.”

“You won’t be that,” he said, standing abruptly, pacing. “You’ll be the woman I fell in love with. The one I couldn’t stay away from, even when it was impossible.”

“You said you’d never make me feel ashamed of this,” I whispered. “But this week? I’ve never felt more ashamed in my life.”

That stopped him. Cold.

He turned to me, eyes softening. “I’m sorry. For making you feel that way. That’s the last thing I ever wanted.”

I watched him for a long time.

“I don’t need the pasta or the candles,” I said. “I need you to show me that this relationship isn’t dangerous. That you can be stable. That you trust me. That I can trust you.”

Declan’s voice cracked when he replied. “I want to be that man for you, dove. I will be.”

I hesitated, then finally stood, walking to him. I placed my hand lightly on his chest.

“I’m still mad at you.”

“I know.”

“I’m still scared.”

“I know,” he whispered, leaning forward till his head was buried in my stomach His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. “But I swear to you, I will never lose control like that again. Not with you. Not with anyone.”

We stood there in silence, breathing each other in.

“Okay,” I said finally. “Let’s eat.” In tune, my stomach grumbled.

He smiled. “Let me pull out your chair.”

“I’m still mad,” I reminded him.

He grinned. “I know. But I’m a gentleman.”