Chapter 45: Forty Five

The lecture hall was already half full when I walked in. It was the last class before we went on break for one week. I was excited for my trip with Declan and had already packed my bags.

When I walked in, hurriedly eating my breakfast, which was an apple, I spotted Jacob almost immediately.

He was sitting with Mara.

I paused at the door, heart tightening just a little. They were talking. Jacob leaning in to say something, Mara laughing a little too brightly, tucking her hair behind her ear like a practiced reflex. Her hand rested briefly on his forearm.

Jacob looked up and noticed me. His face lit up, that usual sunny grin stretching across his features. He waved me over.

“Willow!” he called, patting the empty seat beside him. “Over here!”

A few heads turned. Mara was already looking at me, her lips curled into something too polite to be called a smile. She shifted slightly, like she was making space, but she knew I wouldn’t take it.

I stood frozen for a second, then offered Jacob a tight smile and shook my head. “I’m good,” I said, gesturing vaguely toward a row farther back. “Going to sit up there today.”

He frowned, clearly confused. “You sure?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

I walked past their row and slid into a seat two rows back, just slightly off to the side. I could still see them. Mara leaned back in her seat, a tiny smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth as Jacob leaned toward her again, asking something. She said something back, and they both laughed.

I looked away.

Declan entered a few moments later, his presence commanding as always. He set down his notes, clicked on the projector, and swept his eyes over the room.

His gaze landed on me, and held.

Just for a second.

And then he looked away, clearing his throat as he began the lecture.

The moment Declan dismissed the class, the room erupted into soft chatter and the scraping of chairs. I had already begun packing up when I heard Jacob’s voice behind me.

“Hey,” he said gently. “You okay?”

I looked up, surprised. He was standing just a step away, eyes squinting at me with concern. “You didn’t want to sit with us earlier.”

I forced a smile. “Yeah, sorry. I just… needed some space. Was feeling a little off.”

He nodded slowly, clearly not buying it, but letting it slide. “Well, listen, Mara and I were thinking of heading to the library. Study session? Thought maybe you’d want to come too.”

I paused, the strap of my bag half over my shoulder. “You and Mara?”

“Yeah,” Jacob said brightly. “She’s working on the RA application too, so we figured we could help each other out. Three heads are better than one.”

I was about to respond when Mara appeared beside him, her smile already in place. “It’ll be fun,” she said, brushing a piece of lint from Jacob’s sleeve. “We’ll keep each other motivated.”

Her eyes cut to me. “Unless, of course, you have something… more important to do?”

It was subtle, that little twist of her words, but it was there. A dig. A warning. I clenched my jaw.

“I actually do, yeah,” I said, keeping my tone breezy. “I promised Cassie I’d go over some notes with her for her policy paper. She’s kind of drowning.”

Mara made a soft ‘hmm’ sound. “You’re such a good friend.”

Jacob looked between us, clearly sensing the tension, but unsure what to make of it. “You sure, Will? I can come by after, if you want?”

“No, it’s fine,” I said, adjusting my bag. “You guys go. Have fun.”

I didn’t wait for a reply. I turned and walked out of the lecture hall, heart thudding, spine straight.

____

That night, he glow of my phone lit up my dark room just past midnight, the soft buzz interrupting the silence I had been curled into.

Jacob:

Hey. You sure you’re okay?

I stared at the message for a while, chewing on the inside of my cheek. My laptop was still open beside me, the RA proposal half done on the screen, but I hadn’t touched it in over an hour. My mind was stuck somewhere between Mara’s insinuations and Declan’s voice telling me not to worry.

And then there was Jacob.

Always kind. Always there.

And I was lying to him. Or… hiding.

Me:

Yeah. Just a long day. Sorry if I seemed off.

The dots indicating his text back blinked on my screen almost immediately.

Jacob:

You did seem off. I thought maybe I did something? Are we okay? I would really like to see you, Willow.

I sighed and rolled onto my back, fingers hovering over the keyboard.

Me:

You didn’t. I promise. Just stuff on my mind.

A pause.

Jacob:

Okay. Well… if you ever want to talk about the stuff, I’m here. No pressure.

Also… what are you doing this weekend?

My chest squeezed.

I could’ve told him. About Mara. About Declan. About how everything felt like a web I couldn’t untangle.

But I didn’t.

Because if I told Jacob the truth, he’d never look at me the same.

And part of me still wanted to keep that version of me alive, the version he saw.

So I typed:

Me:

Actually, heading out of town for the weekend. Visiting my cousins. Haven’t seen them in a while.

Jacob:

Nice! Good to get away sometimes. Let me know when you're back, yeah? We’ll grab dinner or something. I miss you.

Me:

Will do :)

My fingers hovered over the keyboard, then I wrote back.

Me:

Miss you, too, J.

I locked my phone and set it aside, then rolled over and pulled the blanket over my shoulder.

A getaway. That much was true.

Just not the kind Jacob would ever guess.

I lay there in the dark, the faint hum of traffic outside my window the only sound in the room. The guilt settled into my chest like a weight, familiar and inescapable. Jacob didn’t deserve to be lied to. He’d been nothing but thoughtful, funny, gentle, consistent. The kind of guy I always thought I wanted.

But now, I wasn’t sure what I wanted. Or who I was when I was with him.

The truth was, I hadn’t even told Cassie about the weekend trip. The moment Declan had mentioned his parents’ place, something reckless inside me had leaned forward, hungry for the escape. For the quiet, for him. For the illusion that somewhere outside this campus, we could exist without rules. We could be normal. A normal couple. Lovers, without the secrets and the hiding and the games we had to play.

I stared up at the ceiling, the lie echoing in my head - I'm just visiting my cousins.

It was safer than saying, I’m spending the weekend with our professor I can’t seem to stay away from, the one I’m definitely falling for.

I closed my eyes.

The weekend hadn’t even started, and already it felt like a storm was building, just beneath the surface, ready to break.

And I was walking straight into it. Willingly.

Almost craving it.

And I had a bad feeling.