Chapter 197
Ethan's POV
"Why?"
The word came out broken, barely audible. I was staring at Elena, at the way her chest heaved with each ragged breath, at the defiance burning in her eyes even as tears streamed down her face.
"Why, Elena? Why would you rather die than—"
I couldn't finish. My throat closed up, and I turned away, pressing my palms against my temples. The pressure building in my skull was unbearable, like something inside me was trying to claw its way out.
She chose death. She looked you in the eye and chose death over you.
"I don't understand," I whispered, pacing now. Three steps to the window. Three steps back. Lila still lay motionless on the stained mattress, her small chest rising and falling in the shallow rhythm of sedation.
"I was there for you," I continued, my voice rising. "When Sterling threw you away, when Victoria destroyed you, when your mother—I was there. I helped you. I cared. And you—you'd rather die than give me a chance?"
"Ethan." Nancy's voice cut through the fog. "You need to calm down."
"Calm down?" I spun toward her, and something in my expression made her take a step back. "How am I supposed to calm down? She just told me she'd rather watch her daughter grow up without a mother than—than—"
Than be with a monster like you.
"Stop it," I hissed at the voice in my head. "Stop. I'm not—I was trying to help her. I was always trying to—"
"Ethan." Nancy was closer now, the knife still dangling from her fingers. "Listen to me. You're spiraling. You need to focus."
I looked at her, really looked at her. At the face that was so eerily like Elena's but wrong in subtle ways. The eyes a shade too cold. The smile too calculated.
"Maybe she's right," Nancy said softly. "Maybe we've been going about this the wrong way."
"What do you mean?"
Nancy moved to the window, gazing out at the overgrown grounds. "We wanted them to suffer. To feel the pain we felt. But Elena just proved something, didn't she?"
"Proved what?"
"That she'll never choose you. No matter what we do, no matter how long we keep her here—she'll never want you the way you want her." Nancy turned back, and there was something almost pitying in her expression. "She'd rather die, Ethan. She said it herself."
The words hit like physical blows. I looked at Elena, saw her watching us with wide, terrified eyes, and felt something inside me crack.
"So maybe," Nancy continued, her voice taking on a dreamy quality, "maybe we should just give her what she wants."
It took a moment for her words to register.
"What?"
"Kill her." Nancy said it so simply, like she was suggesting we order dinner. "If she wants to die so badly, let her. At least then Sterling will never have her. He'll spend the rest of his life knowing she's dead because he couldn't protect her. Couldn't save her."
"No." The word came out automatically, before I'd even processed what I was saying. "No, that's not—we can't just—"
"Why not?" Nancy's eyes sharpened. "What's the point of keeping her alive if she's just going to hate you? If she's just going to choose death every single time?"
I opened my mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.
She's right. You know she's right. Elena will never love you. She'll never even see you as human.
"I—" I swallowed hard. "I need to think. I need to—"
"There's nothing to think about." Nancy was moving toward Elena now, knife raised. "It's simple, really. We kill her. We kill the kid. And Sterling gets to live with that for the rest of his pathetic life."
"Nancy, wait—"
But she wasn't listening. She was standing in front of Elena now, the blade catching the dim light.
"Any last words?" Nancy asked, almost conversational.
Elena's chin lifted. Even now, even terrified and bound and facing death, she had more courage than I'd ever possessed.
"Fuck you," Elena said clearly. "Both of you."
Nancy laughed. "That's what I thought."
She raised the knife.
Do something. Say something. Don't let her—
"WAIT!"
The word tore out of me like a scream. Nancy paused, the knife inches from Elena's throat.
"What now, Ethan?"
My mind raced, searching desperately for something—anything—that would buy time. "If we kill her now, it's too easy. Too fast. Sterling won't suffer enough."
Nancy's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"
"Think about it." I forced myself to sound calm, rational. "If we just kill her, Sterling grieves, but then he moves on. He gets to play the tragic widower. The devoted father raising his daughter alone. People will sympathize with him."
I could see Nancy considering this, her grip on the knife loosening slightly.
"But if we make them suffer first," I continued, the lies flowing easier now, "if we make Sterling watch as we break her, piece by piece—that's real revenge. That's the kind of pain that never heals."
What are you doing? You're making it worse. You're—
"How long?" Nancy asked.
"What?"
"How long do we make it last?"
I swallowed the bile rising in my throat. "Long enough. Long enough that when Sterling finally gets here—and he will, he's probably already looking for her—he sees exactly what we've done. Sees what he's lost."
Nancy was nodding slowly. "And then we kill them."
"And then we kill them," I echoed, hating myself with every word.
Elena made a small, broken sound. I couldn't look at her.
"I like it," Nancy said finally. "I like this version of you, Ethan. The one who isn't afraid to do what needs to be done."
You're not doing what needs to be done. You're stalling. You're lying. You're—
My phone was in my pocket. Nancy hadn't thought to take it. If I could just—if I could somehow get a message to Sterling—
"There's just one problem," Nancy said, and my blood ran cold.
"What?"
"How do we lure Sterling here? He doesn't know where we are."
I forced myself to think. "We send him proof of life. A photo. Maybe a video. Make him think we want to negotiate."
"Negotiate what?"
"Money. What else? We make it look like a ransom situation. He brings the cash, comes alone because he doesn't want to risk us hurting her. And when he gets here—"
"We kill them all." Nancy's smile was terrible. "God, Ethan. When did you get so smart?"
Never. You've never been smart. You're just a coward trying to save the woman who'll never love you.
"I need to make a call," I said. "Set things up with—with the guys downstairs. Make sure they know the plan."
Nancy studied me for a long moment. "Five minutes," she said finally. "I'll watch her. You go make your calls. But Ethan?" Her voice hardened. "If you're playing me, if this is some kind of trick—I will gut her in front of you. And then I'll gut the kid. Do you understand?"
"I understand."