Chapter 7: Isabelle

I hold my breath as Grayson pulls out his chair and sits. He’s wearing his leather jacket with dark denim jeans and a green button-down shirt that makes his eyes pop. His hair is once again messy, probably a result of being windblown from riding his motorcycle. I bet his hair is soft—it looks soft.

“Morning.” He grins, and my traitorous heart beats double time.

“Run anyone over this morning?” I pray my voice doesn’t betray me the way my heart does.

“Nope, but if you need to tell on me again, I did park illegally in the student lot.”

I bite back a smile. “Clearly telling the principal didn’t help, so maybe I should call the police today.”

“Wow. That escalated fast.” He laughs.

I laugh, too, but it’s cut short when calls the class to attention. In flawless Spanish, she tells us to work with our partners to write a rough outline to turn in by the end of class.

“So, did you do any research last night?” Grayson asks. He pulls out a sheet of paper and writes our names at the top.

That’s all I did last night after Cam left. And cry. Really, trying to search for Spanish speaking countries through tear-filled eyes is no easy feat. I gave myself a wicked headache and had to take four aspirin just to get rid of it. But, at the time, I needed the distraction. Praying wasn’t helping. “I have it narrowed down to Argentina and the Dominican Republic. Do you have a preference?”

Grayson tenses and doodles on the corner of the paper, refusing to meet my gaze. He shrugs one shoulder.

I tilt my head and study him. What did I say to upset him? I tentatively put my hand on his to stop him from ripping a hole in the paper with how hard he’s pressing on it with the pen. “Grayson?”

Slowly, he looks at me. His expression is guarded, and I immediately miss the spark in his eyes. “I’d prefer to do the Dominican Republic.”

“Okay,” I say, drawing out the word.

“I don’t have very fond memories of Argentina, okay?” His tone is clipped, and there’s no question in my mind that this topic is off-limits. And that’s okay—I get it. There are certain topics I don’t want to discuss with him, either. Like Brandon. It’s refreshing to have someone in this school who didn’t know him, or the me before he died. With Grayson, there’s no expectations, no pressure. I can breathe around him.

“All right, that’s okay.” I clear my throat and pull my hand back. But my curiosity is piqued. “I was thinking we could focus on Santo Domingo. It will be easier to research a specific city rather than an entire country.”

“Yeah, I’m cool with that.”

“Okay.” I shift in my seat, suddenly very uncomfortable. I hadn’t meant to make him sad or angry or whatever he’s feeling right now. We spend the rest of class going over the items we need to research and dividing the work equally. When the bell rings, I gather my stuff and walk out with Grayson. Then, I come to a complete stop. Cam is across the hall waiting for me. My face heats with shame, although I’m not sure why. I’m not doing anything wrong.

“Guess I’ll see you later,” Grayson says, glancing between me and Cam.

Once he’s out of sight, I weave across the now crowded hall and stop in front of Cam. Butterflies are having a rave in my stomach. Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up… I prayed last night that Cam would change his mind. Seeing him here now, my hope skyrockets.

“Hey,” I say.

“You didn’t tell me the new guy was in this class with you.” The disgust in his tone dashes my hopes.

“I didn’t realize it mattered.”

He crosses his arms. “Do you like him?”

“What?” I can’t hide the shock in my voice. “I mean, yeah. I guess. I barely know him. He seems nice, though.”

Cam rolls his eyes. “You realize you chose him over me and Hannah, right?”

I sigh. Why is he being so weird about this? Why does he even care anymore? “It’s not like that. You know I’m planning to major in Spanish in college. I need this class. It’s not my fault the school changed the schedule.”

He looks down at me, his brown eyes devoid of emotion. “I’m sorry. There’s just something about that guy that bugs me.”

“He’s harmless,” I say, even though I’m not sure I believe that. Not that I think he’s dangerous in the way a gangbanger or murderer is dangerous, but he is dangerous to my sensibilities. He makes me forget all about the girl that Cam wants me to be, and I’m just…me, the me I used to be before my brother’s accident. I haven’t been this person in months, and I forgot how much I like her. That’s not a bad thing. It’s also not something I can explain to Cam because he won’t understand.

“Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he says, suddenly more interested in his shoes than me.

“I’m fine.”

“Okay. Good. I need to get to class.” Cam smiles, but I can tell he’s forcing it. I hate how awkward things are between us. He spins on his heel and rushes down the hallway.

***

The morning progresses much more smoothly than it did yesterday. I don’t see Cam again until lunch. When I walk into the cafeteria, he’s already at a table in the corner, and I reluctantly make my way toward him. If there were anywhere else to sit, I would gladly take it, but the cafeteria is full and sitting outside is out of the question. Despite the sun, the wind is whipping around fiercely. You can do this. Maybe I should sit outside. Maybe the wind will carry me away from here, away from all the grief and pain.

Laughter to my right snags my attention, and that’s when I see Grayson sitting with Brittany and her friends. Anger, hurt, and betrayal ignite in my chest. It's stupid, I know. Grayson can sit with whomever he wants. As I pass his table, he looks up and smiles, showing off the dimple in his left cheek. That smile makes my heart race and my knees weak. I lift my head and keep walking, refusing to acknowledge him while he’s hanging out with the one girl in this school I can’t stand. I choose a seat next to Hannah. Cam barely notices me before he returns his attention to Nolan. Sports talk again, no surprise. He’s one to talk about choosing personal interests over our relationship.

I’m crazy to sit here with my ex-boyfriend like this, but if I don’t, people will know something’s wrong. And no one needs to know. Not yet anyway.

“Want to stay over at my house this weekend?” Hannah holds out her bag of chips, and I take one even though I’m not hungry. “My dad and brother are going on some camping trip with their wilderness group, and Mom hates being in the house alone. So, I’m inviting you and Andrea over to hang out.”

At the mention of Andrea’s name, Cam looks up. He meets my gaze and then quickly looks away. I refocus on Hannah. “Yeah, sounds fun.” I take another chip. Maybe there’s some truth to the whole eating your feelings thing. “Speaking of Andrea…where is she? I haven’t seen her at all the past two days.”

Cam looks up again. I glare at him. What is his problem?

“Yeah, I don’t know.” Hannah takes a drink of water. “I texted her to ask about coming over this weekend.”

“I miss her.”

“Me too.” Hannah sighs.

“Are we going to the beach party this weekend?”

“Of course.” She laughs as if I’m crazy for even asking. In my defense, we usually avoid parties because we don’t like the people who go—namely, Brittany and her friends.

I look around the cafeteria, and my gaze is drawn to Grayson. He’s looking at me, too, and I feel a blush erupt on my face. I can’t understand why he’s sitting with them, especially when he’s spending all his time staring at me.

Hannah leans closer and follows my gaze. “He’s so hot,” she whispers.

“Hannah!” I slap her arm and laugh.

“Hey, I’m just admiring God’s fine handiwork.” She waggles her eyebrows.

“Me too.” I let out a dreamy sigh and tear my gaze from him. “He’s nice. Funny. You should talk to him.”

Hannah scrunches up her face. “Girl, please.” She rolls her eyes. “He doesn’t seem to realize there’s anyone else in this cafeteria but you.”

“Shh.” I pray Cam didn’t hear what she said. Thankfully, he’s still completely enthralled with whatever Nolan is saying.

“Oh, we’re going to talk about all that”—she wags her finger in Grayson’s direction then in Cam’s—“this weekend.”

I shake my head in what I hope is a you’re-crazy-there’s-nothing-to-talk-about sort of way, but she smirks in that knowing way she has about her. I don’t think Hannah is buying it. I can’t hide the break-up from her for long, but I’m not going to talk about it right now, either. I don’t want to cry in front of Cam. Again.

“So,” I say, changing the subject. “What are the plans for this weekend? Sleepover, party… What else? Movies? Makeovers? Mall?”

“A little of everything.”

“Sounds good to me.” A weekend with my friends is exactly what I need to get my mind off Cam and my parents and Grayson.

The bell rings. As I stand, Cam finally acknowledges my existence. “Are you going to youth group tonight?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

I refrain from pointing out that he no longer has a right to know what I’m doing. Instead, I say, “Because I quit. I quit choir, too.”

“You what?” Hannah says.

I cringe. “Yeah, I called Martha last night and talked to her.” After Cam left, but I don't say that. “With my class schedule and everything, it’s just too much. She was very understanding—and supportive—of my decision.”

Cam scowls. “I think that’s a mistake, Isabelle. You love youth group. And choir.”

“Yeah, well, things change. I need to focus on my classes and getting into college.” I shrug one shoulder as if it’s no big deal. But it is. I do love choir, and I can’t stand the thought of giving it up. The truth is, though, I can’t handle being in choir with Cam. And I really can’t handle being in youth group with him, especially with his mother leading it. Not right now.

“Whatever.” He leaves with his friends.

“Okay, spill it. What's going on?” Hannah demands. “You two didn’t so much as look at each other during lunch.”

There’s no way I can get away with not telling her now. I take a deep breath, the threat of tears resurfacing before I can utter a single word. “Cam broke up with me last night.”

“What?” she shouts. “And you’re just telling me now?” Hurt laces her words. “Did you tell Andrea?”

“I know. And no.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I wanted to call both of you last night, but…I needed some time to deal with it.”

“Did he say why?”

I follow Hannah out of the cafeteria. “He said he doesn’t know me anymore, that I was acting too weird yesterday. He also said he doesn’t want a relationship knowing we’re both seniors and going to different colleges.” I shake my head. It still doesn’t make sense to me.

“That’s…odd,” she says.

“Right? I don’t understand, either, but if this is what he wants…”

“That’s such a lame reason.” She stops in front of her locker. “Are you sure he’s not seeing someone else?”

“Cam?” I laugh with shock and disbelief. “No. I mean, I’m sure he’ll start seeing someone else eventually, but he’s not the cheating type.”

“I know, but maybe he broke up with you because there’s someone else waiting for him.” She dials her locker combination.

I scowl. “Way to make me feel better.”

“Shoot, Isabelle. I’m sorry.” She frowns. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know you didn’t.” Still, her words cut deep, and now I’ll be wondering if there really is someone else Cam wants to date. Either way, I can’t think about this right now.

She digs around in her locker for several moments, and I’m grateful she doesn’t push me to talk about Cam. Finally, Hannah closes her locker, leans against it, and looks at me with blunt tenderness. “Are you okay? And I don’t mean just with Cam. How are things at home?”

“Things are fine at home,” I lie. Before my brother’s death, Hannah used to spend a lot of time at my house, but I don’t invite her over anymore. I can’t stand the thought of her seeing my mom drunk and passed out in her own vomit. “I guess I’m just a bit overwhelmed with everything going on this year and college applications and now all this stuff with Cam.”

She studies me with those inquisitive hazel eyes, and I look away before she sees what a liar I am. Hannah and I have been best friends since grade school. Until recently, she’s known everything about me. She’s the one person I never used to keep secrets from, and there’s so much I want to tell her.

“You know if you need anything, I’m here for you, right?”

I nod. “I know. And I love you for that.”

She gives me a hug, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek, so I don’t cry. “Don’t forget to pray about it,” she whispers.

“Thanks.” I smile gratefully, realizing that maybe not having a relationship with Cam isn’t the end of the world. I’ve got my friends and God. I’ll be okay.