ELLIE
My phone vibrated, and I opened the message with Anna’s name on the screen. She was apologizing for the thousandth time this week and insisting that I meet her at the bar for our weekly hangout.
I put my phone in my bag and grabbed my keys before leaving my apartment.
After what she had pulled at her place, I’d decided it was best to take a break from her. From everyone, actually.
That included the men she was trying to push on me.
So that’s what I did all week: I spoke to Anna only when necessary, avoided Jorrick, and turned down Anthony’s invitation for a date.
I didn’t want to go out with anyone; I just needed time. Especially after that conversation with Ethan.
Even though it had been painful to hear him repeat the same thing—that he could never give me what he thought I wanted—I think I finally understood that his decision had nothing to do with me.
From the start, I knew Ethan had his own demons, and he’d made it clear that he couldn’t offer me more. But I’d pushed anyway because I thought we could have a chance if he tried. Now I see I was wrong.
Maybe what he went through scarred him so deeply that it will haunt him for the rest of his life. And there’s nothing I can do. He needs to work through it on his own.
And even if he says he loves me, all that insecurity and fear that haunts him make it meaningless.
But Ethan was right about one thing: I deserve more. I deserve someone whole, not someone in pieces. I deserve someone willing to fight.
So all I can do now is accept that he’ll be just a memory—a part of my life I need to leave behind. Even if it tears me apart inside because I love him.
\*
I needed a distraction, so I decided to head to the nearest bar. Once inside, I sat by the counter and ordered a cosmopolitan from Eddie, the bartender I knew well.
My intention was to use alcohol to forget everything that was happening, since pretending and trying to hide my feelings wasn’t working anymore. Work was enough to keep me busy during the day, but at night, there was no escape.
The longing haunted me like a one-ton stone pressing against my chest, almost suffocating me. It was only outweighed by the pain, tearing through my heart a little more each day. I could barely remember what it felt like to live without it.
The only thing keeping me going was the hope that it would pass—maybe in months or years. And if it didn’t, I didn’t know what I’d do.
Eddie brought me my drink shortly after and set it on the counter.
\*
“Another one,” I said to Eddie, setting my empty glass on the counter when he approached.
“Are you sure?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as he wiped a glass.
“I thought your job was to keep my glass full, not worry about how much I’m drinking,” I said, regretting the words immediately. Unfortunately, the alcohol had already muddled my brain. “Sorry, I didn’t mean...”
“Looks like someone’s had too much to drink,” a familiar voice interrupted from behind me.
*Todd?*
Before I could turn around, large hands landed on my shoulders.
“Excuse the lady’s manners here; I’m sure she didn’t mean that. She’s usually as sweet as a princess when she’s sober,” he continued.
I tilted my chin to look up at him.
His dark brown eyes met mine, and his warmth pressed against my back.
“Isn’t that right?” he said, seeking confirmation.
I turned my attention back to Eddie.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s fine. I’ve heard far worse. Occupational hazard,” Eddie said.
His words only made me feel worse. When did I become such an asshole?
I felt Todd squeeze my shoulders as if trying to comfort me.
“I appreciate your concern, Eddie, but I’ll take care of her,” Todd said.
“All right.” Eddie nodded, taking my glass before turning away.
“Thanks, but I don’t need a babysitter,” I said, shrugging off his touch.
He stepped back, raising his hands.
“I come in peace.”
“Great. Then leave me in peace.”
“Looks like someone’s had a rough day,” he observed, taking the seat to my right.
“Yes, and you’re the last person I wanted to see.”
“And here I thought you had gotten over that... and were almost friends.”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm the turmoil within me.
“Sorry, I just...”
“It’s fine. You can take it out on me if it helps.”
“Maybe it’s too late to try playing the nice guy,” I teased, turning to face him.
“Or maybe not. Now, tell me how much you’ve had to drink. I’d say a lot since you’re not usually this...”
“Go ahead, say it. Stupid, rude, a jerk.”
“Indelicate,” he said with a smile, reminding me how annoyingly charming he was.
I blinked, pushing the thought aside, and looked down at my hands resting on the counter.
“Maybe I’m just tired of being so nice.”
“Don’t say that. You’re amazing, exactly as you are.”
“Says the guy who left me...” I held back a laugh, ignoring the tightness in my chest.
“Okay, I probably deserved that.”
Eddie returned with my refilled glass and set it on the counter.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Todd asked as I reached for it.
“If you’re not drinking, you should leave. I already told you I don’t need a babysitter.”
“I suppose you’re not driving?”
“I’m not an idiot.”
“That means you plan to walk back. Do you think you’ll manage?”
“Oh, so now you’re my knight in shining armor? Let me tell you something: it’s too late for that.” I took a long sip of my drink.
“Fine, we’ll do it your way. Hey, Eddie? Get me a beer!”
“I think you misunderstood. That wasn’t an invitation to drink with me.”
“Pretend I’m just some stranger who came in for a beer. So, want to tell me about your rough day?”
“I wish it were just the day... But no, I don’t want to talk, especially not with you.”
“Come on, El. You know I’m a good listener. Sometimes I think you’ve forgotten the good times we had.”
“Hmm... Let me see... Nope. You’re right. I forgot,” I mocked.
"I know that’s not true. You couldn’t have forgotten the laughter, the good times… the sex. We were so good at the last one. Ever wonder what it would be like now?"
I closed my eyes, shaking my head, trying to block any intrusive memories.
“No. Never. I have... I had a boyfriend until recently, remember?”
“Admit it, we were great together,” he said with a grin.
My eyes traced the line of his square jaw. His hair was pulled back. I’d almost forgotten how tall he was, but the bastard was as attractive as I remembered.
“Yes, until you ruined everything,” I said, forcing a smile as anger sparked inside me.
“You know... I just need one chance to make it up to you.”
I sighed.
“You know what? I think it’s getting late.” I stood up, feeling a bit dizzy, and had to hold onto the counter.
“You okay?” he asked, his hands firmly around my waist.
“Yes, keep your hands to yourself,” I said, turning to face him.
He laughed, raising his hands.
“Okay. But I’m not letting you walk home alone.”
“I already told you I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Fair enough,” he seemed to consider. “But we live in the same building, so it’s just company.”
I searched for an argument but couldn’t find one. My mind was foggy, and all I could think about was my bed.
“Fine,” I muttered.
\*
During our walk home, Todd kept trying to make me remember our good times while I struggled to keep my eyes open.
Maybe he managed to remind me of a thing or two, even pulling a few smiles out of me.
The walk and the cool night air almost sobered me up again. But that wasn’t what I wanted before I crawled into bed.
“Thanks for walking me back. I guess maybe you’re not a completely lost cause,” I said when we stopped in front of my apartment, grateful he’d cared enough not to leave me alone.
He said nothing, just stared at me, suddenly making me realize he was standing far too close. A strange sensation filled my chest as the tension grew.
Then he took another step, closing the distance between us.
“Todd...” I shook my head, but his face was already inches from mine.
“El...” he whispered.
My eyes dropped to his lips as chaos overtook my mind, and before I could say another word, he kissed me.