ETHAN
We had just finished a five-kilometer run in the park. Will bent down to tie his shoelace.
“Don’t forget, eight o’clock at Bennett’s house,” he said, standing up.
Bennett and I exchanged glances. Will was hiding something from us. He seemed unusually excited this morning.
“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it,” I said, remembering Ellie would be there.
“What happened? Did you two fight? You know you don’t have to go back to London just because of work. We can figure something out. Find someone else,” Will said.
“It wasn’t just about that, but it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to run away from my responsibilities.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Bennett started apologizing.
“It’s fine, maybe it’s for the best,” I interrupted.
The two exchanged confused looks.
I wasn’t willing to hit rock bottom again, giving my best to someone who wasn’t willing to do the same.
“Anyway, you’d better show up, or else you’ll regret it,” Will said with a huge grin.
What was going on with him?
“All right, I’ll be there.” I shrugged, giving in.
After saying goodbye, he left. I walked with Ben to his apartment, which was on my way home.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he said to my right as we moved down the sidewalk.
“There’s nothing to tell,” I said, staring at the street ahead.
“Right, and that’s why you have that look on your face.”
“You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?” I sighed. “I saw her coming home yesterday with her jerk ex.”
“What do you mean, coming home?”
“They live in the same building and share the hallway. According to her, it’s unavoidable.”
“That sounds complicated.”
“I’m not going to let history repeat itself.”
“Calm down, don’t jump to conclusions.”
“If it were Zoe, would you agree for her to keep living next to her ex?” I challenged.
“I’m not saying it’s easy to handle. Did you two discuss it?”
“It wasn’t the first time, but she’s not willing to move.”
“Did you demand that she move?” he asked, sounding surprised.
“What was I supposed to do, just accept it like an idiot?”
“No, but demanding she move is a bit extreme, don’t you think? Have you considered that she might not have other options? Unless, of course, you offered your apartment.”
“What? Are you talking about living together?”
“Yeah. I guess you didn’t do that.”
“We’re not ready for that yet.”
“It’s a shame because offering to pay her rent wouldn’t work. She’d kick your balls.”
“She doesn’t need that; she has a good job.”
“And a nice apartment, which you’re demanding her to leave out of jealousy.”
“What?” I stared at him, indignant.
“I’m just trying to show you her perspective on all this,” he explained.
“I know you understand why I can’t accept this.”
“Yes, I understand. But what’s going to happen if she doesn’t move? Are you going to let her go? Don’t you think you’ve already spent too much time apart?”
Letting her go was the last thing I wanted, but continuing to put up with the current situation was out of the question.
“I was just doing my job; she gets that.”
She had never complained about my trips to London over the past few months; she understood that work was important to me. Maybe that’s why I had considered staying there until things were sorted out.
“Sure, but do you think that’s good for the two of you?”
“I would come back on weekends, and it wouldn’t be forever, just until I sorted things out in London.”
“You’re seriously considering moving right now?”
“It’s just work.”
“Can’t you see? You’re demanding that she move when you’re about to go live in another country.”
“I already said it wouldn’t be permanent, and besides, I wasn’t sure until now. But if she’s not willing to make some concessions for this relationship, then why should I?”
“God, you love her; nothing else should matter. Instead of focusing so much on work, you should start planning a future for the two of you. Maybe that would solve most of your problems.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Starting a family, marriage, kids.”
“It’s still too soon for that.”
“Maybe for you. But we all know it’s what she’s always wanted.”
I stared at him, pondering his words.
“You don’t know what she wants,” I scoffed.
“Fine, but I think a man who spends more time at work than with her, telling her where she should or shouldn’t live, isn’t what she wants either.”
“Enough, you’re not helping.”
“All right. But if you want to demand something from her, you should offer some security first.”
Damn it. I knew a lot of what he was saying made sense, but there was still so much my brother didn’t understand. He hadn’t gone through what I had. And I couldn’t let history repeat itself, even though I loved her. But maybe he was right, and she needed some kind of assurance. But what kind of assurance?
*
I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to think of something. How could I offer her more security? I loved her; wasn’t that enough? I had faced my fears, gone to Santa Barbara, and even met her parents. Our relationship was going well. At least as long as I pretended not to care that she lived next to him. But I couldn’t stand seeing them together.
Maybe Ben was right, and she was ready for more. But was I? No. And I didn’t know if I ever would be, after Charlotte. But I couldn’t lose her.
That evening, I drove to Ben’s apartment, even though I wasn’t ready to confront her. The elevator doors were closing when I stepped in and came face to face with her.
She shot me a quick look and then looked away. Damn. The doors closed.
I positioned myself on the opposite side. No greeting. But what was I expecting after the way I’d left her apartment the other day? She was probably angry.
And, as always, she was stunning. Her sweet, elegant perfume was enough to turn me on. I always wanted her.
Knowing she wouldn’t look my way, I took the opportunity to get a good look at her. Her brown hair was loose, and she was wearing a dark blue, thin-strapped dress that fell just below her knees. It accentuated her curves and made her pale skin gleam, while also offering a generous view of the top of her breasts.
I stifled a groan, taking a deep breath and praying the doors would open before I lost control.