ETHAN
What the fuck did that mean? I didn’t even want to imagine. I swallowed hard, feeling my blood heat up as I clenched my fists.
"Can I help you?" The bastard frowned.
Help? I used every ounce of self-control not to smash my fist into his face.
"Where’s Ellie?" I asked through gritted teeth, my jaw clenched tight.
"I don’t know who you are or what you did to make her like that, but I think you should just leave. She doesn’t need someone like you."
I took a deep breath, holding myself back from knocking out all of his teeth.
"Sure, because you’re the perfect guy for her, aren’t you?" I spat the words with as much sarcasm as I could muster.
I might not be the best for Ellie, but the scumbag in front of me wasn’t worth much more. "I’m not interested in wasting my breath on you. Where is she?"
"I don’t think she wants to talk to you."
"I don’t give a damn what you think."
Honestly, my patience was wearing thin.
"Who’s there?" A voice came from inside the apartment, and it was enough to make my stomach twist.
A second later, she appeared behind him. Fuck. She had only a towel wrapped around her body. This couldn’t be good.
She seemed surprised to see me, then blinked a few times before her expression turned cold.
"I told him to leave..." The jerk started speaking, but she cut him off.
"Thanks, Todd, but you can go now."
Why the hell was she thanking him? Reluctantly, he walked past me, giving me a look of disdain, and I instantly regretted not punching him in the face.
I turned my attention back to her, and she stepped out, checking to make sure we were alone in the hallway. Then she gave me a hard look before crossing her arms over her chest.
I couldn’t help but notice the area around her eyes was redder than usual. Imagining that she’d cried because of me made my chest ache.
"What do you want, Morgan? Do I need to remind you of your promise, that I wouldn’t have to see you again?"
Even after spending hours thinking about what I wanted to say, I hadn’t found the words, and after running into her damn ex, everything felt even more confusing.
What I really wanted was to ask what the hell he was doing in her apartment, but now more than ever, I had no right. So I tried to push down my anger.
"I want to talk."
"But I don’t. I have nothing to say to you. And you certainly don’t need to say anything more. So, goodbye." She tried to close the door, but I stopped it, holding it open.
"I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, Ellie, I thought it would be easier..."
"I don’t want to hear your apologies. Keep them to yourself. Do me a favor and leave." She interrupted, glaring at me through the small gap, before trying to push the door shut harder.
"No. Not until you hear me out."
"I don’t want to hear you, damn it! Or see your face! Do you get that?" She growled, letting her anger show before disappearing from my view and pressing her back against the door, trying once again to close it.
The anger felt better than her coldness, and maybe I could use that.
"Yell at me, curse me out as much as you want, I know I deserve it. Just let me in and talk to you. Please..."
"No!"
"Fuck, Ellie..."
"Go away!" She tried to push the door again, forcing me to use my body weight to keep it open.
"I was wrong to do that to you. Please, just let me explain."
"You made your choice. I don’t care about your reasons. You got what you wanted, so why are you here?"
"I want to be honest with you."
"Take your honesty and go to hell. That speech of yours doesn’t work anymore. I was right about you from the beginning—you’re nothing but a bastard."
"Please..." I rested my forehead against the door, pleading.
"Go away! Get out of here!"
"Fuck... I was scared, okay? Is that what you want to hear? You deserve more, Ellie..."
"I never asked anything from you." She growled.
"You didn’t have to, but I knew, I always knew, and I can’t give you what you want. I can’t be what you want."
"I don’t want anything from you anymore."
"You have no idea how much I wish..."
"I don’t want to hear it."
"What don’t you want to hear? The truth?"
"None of this matters anymore."
"I want you to know."
"Don’t worry. If you’re just here to apologize, know that I don’t blame you. It’s my fault, I was an idiot. And I know you did it because you’re too much of a coward to look me in the eyes and say no."
"No... you’re wrong. It’s the exact opposite. I did it because I couldn’t say no to you. But the truth... is that I can’t, I can’t give you what you want. And you deserve more. You deserve someone who can give you everything."
She stayed silent, while a lump formed in my throat, and when she spoke again, her voice was shaky.
"You don’t know anything about what I want. Everyone thinks they know what I want and what’s best for me. But they don’t..." She sniffed.
Shit. It was like taking a punch to the gut. She was crying again, because of me. I really am a big son of a bitch. I swallowed hard, feeling my own eyes start to water.
"I don’t need someone who can give me everything... I just... I just wanted to be enough for someone... To make someone think I was worth the effort."
Oh my God, she couldn’t be thinking that she was the problem, could she?
"This has nothing to do with you, Ellie... Don’t think for a second that you’re not enough. You’re more than enough, and you deserve someone better."
"I didn’t want someone better... You know that. I... I was willing to try... even when you told me not to have any hopes, I was willing to face everything. But... you can’t. I get that. So tell me, why are you here?"
"I’m sorry, Ellie... I didn’t want to hurt you. I only did it to push you away because I thought it would be easier if you just hated me. She means nothing to me."
"It doesn’t matter. You made your decision a long time ago, didn’t you? I was a fool to think that talking to you would change anything. Please, just keep your promise."
No. I couldn’t let it end like this. I searched for the right words. There were so many things I wanted to say. I didn’t want her to suffer because of me.
I wanted to tell her that she was more than enough for me and that I would try with everything I had, but there was that force, terrifying and stronger than me, holding me back.
It was still controlling me, making me feel weak. Like I was nothing. Telling me I wasn’t enough, and that everything would repeat itself.
And it was that force that made me pull my hand away from the door, allowing it to close, making me give up on what I wanted most in recent times.
With my forehead still resting against the surface, I whispered:
"Please, don’t let him hurt you again."