Chapter 147: No More Apologies
Chapter 147: No More Apologies
ELLIE
“Is that what you want?” he finally asked, after staying silent for too long.
“No. It’s not what I want. But… I can’t go on like this… I can’t marry someone who keeps everything to himself, remember?”
Suddenly standing up, he walked around the desk, approaching until he stopped in front of me. His closeness was enough to make my heart race.
Now that he was so close, I noticed his gaze seemed sad and, at the same time, lost because of the alcohol.
“I’m so sorry…” he said, cupping my face with his hands.
The simple touch made me shiver.
I had missed him.
“I was just trying to protect you. But it seems I can’t do anything right and always end up hurting you.”
“That’s not true.”
“Don’t try to deny it. I can see the pain in your eyes.”
“I just… miss you,” I confessed, closing my eyes and savoring the sensation of his touch.
“I’ve always known I didn’t deserve you…” he said, caressing my cheek. “But we both know I’m too much of a selfish bastard to let you go.”
“Why are you saying that?”
“I screwed everything up… How can you forgive me so easily?” he said, pain and remorse etched in his gaze.
“You didn’t do anything. It wasn’t your fault.” I raised my hand to caress his face, feeling his stubble under my fingers.
“I made you suffer. We lost the baby… All because I wasn’t here with you.”
His look told me he truly believed it was his fault, and that hurt me even more than his words.
He had been tormenting himself all this time, even without any reason for it.
“That’s not true; it could have happened even if you were here. These things happen. Stop blaming yourself,” I said, yearning to ease his pain, even if just a little. “If I had lost you… Then yes, I couldn’t go on.” I confessed, my gaze drawn to his lips, making me want to lean in to kiss him. “But seeing you pulling away… I didn’t know you wanted the baby so much. And that… that’s been tormenting me, making me think you’ve changed your mind about us… that you don’t want me anymore.”
“No. Don’t you dare think that.”
“Then, if it’s not about the baby, why?”
“It has nothing to do with you, love… I’m sorry for distancing myself. I just didn’t want to involve you in this… this crap I’m feeling. I don’t want you to suffer anymore.”
“But I need to know. I need to know what you’re feeling so I can try to help you.”
“You can’t. You can’t stop me from feeling this.”
“What? Tell me,” I asked, looking deep into his eyes.
He hesitated for a moment, closing his eyes and sighing before finally giving in.
“I can’t forgive myself… The guilt… it’s eating me up inside,” he confessed.
It seemed even worse than I imagined. His guilt was profound, and I could see how much it was tormenting him, dragging him to a dark place, further and further away from me.
He was allowing the guilt to consume him.
But it wasn’t fair. Not when he told me not to do the same.
He didn’t have the right, not when I was trying so hard to move past it.
“So that’s it? You tell me not to feel guilty, but you let it torment you like this?” I questioned, feeling a twinge of irritation.
“I didn’t want this to affect you.”
“And you thought distancing yourself, burying yourself in work and alcohol was the best way to do that? That only made me think you were giving up on us…” I huffed. “When we’re just weeks away from a wedding. You don’t have that right… If anyone has the right to let themselves sink here, it’s definitely not you.”
“I’m sorry, love… Believe me, canceling this wedding is the last thing I want.”
“Are you sure?” I retorted sarcastically.
“Don’t do this. Don’t fight with me. I just wanted to protect you after everything you’ve been through.” His hands cupped my face again, in an attempt to calm me.
I took a deep breath, trying to control my frustration. He deserved a long lecture, but he was already being consumed by his own guilt in a worrying way.
“Alright…” I sighed. “But let it be clear that this can’t happen again. You can’t just pull away when a problem arises. This is something we need to face together. You can’t carry everything alone. Especially for something that’s not even your fault.”
“I just need time.”
“Do I need to repeat that I won’t marry a man who keeps all his feelings to himself and drowns in them?”
“I’ve already told you, haven’t I?”
“Yes, but next time, how about trying without the alcohol?” I shot back, not hiding the sarcasm.
“I’m sorry…”
“I also want you to stop apologizing. It’s annoying.” I rolled my eyes with an exasperated sigh.
He nodded, his expression finally changing to something less sad, almost a smile.
“Alright, no more apologies,” he said, closing the distance between us, making me press my back against the door. “So, the wedding is still on?”
“Yes, and you’d better recover quickly because there’s a lot to be done.”
“I really don’t deserve you,” he murmured, his lips finally curling into a smile as his hands slid down to my waist.
“You’re too arrogant for me to disagree,” I retorted, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“I’m already looking forward to going back to France,” he whispered, increasing the firmness of his grip on my waist, making the tension fill the air. “And by the way…” His lips were almost touching mine. “You look beautiful… And you smell good…” he teased, brushing his nose against my neck.
“And you look terrible and smell like alcohol,” I whispered in his ear, making him smile.
“I can’t apologize anymore.”
“Okay… I think I overdid it a bit. You don’t look terrible, just tired…” I laughed, finally relaxing, being in his arms again. But a part of me was still worried. “I know it won’t be easy, but I’ll do my best to help you overcome this. I promise.”
“I don’t want you to worry.”
“You took care of me, even feeling all this… And having you around was the only thing that made me want to keep going after leaving that hospital. So, even if it’s hard, please try to do this for us. It’s what I’m doing.”
He nodded.
“I love you,” he whispered before kissing me.
A kiss that started soft, with his lips just pressing against mine, soft and firm. Then, his warmth enveloped me, heating my skin, and the firmness of his touch made my whole body awaken.
After two weeks, it was as if all the tension was released at once. Exploding the moment his tongue slid between my lips, meeting mine.
I pressed my body against his, wanting to tear off our clothes and losing my breath as his lips devoured mine in a deep and wild kiss, but I refused to pull away.
I could feel him getting harder against my belly, making me even more desperate.
Starting to rub against me, he was practically crushing me against the door when he suddenly stopped, pulling his lips away.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered, breathless, seeming regretful.
“Shut up,” I growled, pulling his tie. “I didn’t tell you to stop.”
“But the medical recommendation…”
I sighed heavily.
“And here I was thinking that not even sex had been enough to make you arrive on time… but it seems you simply forgot.”
“You mean…” He frowned.
“Yes, it’s today.”
“Fuck… if I’d known, I really would have rushed home.”
“Bastard.” I smiled.
“So, any chance you still want me at your place?”
“No…” I teased, making him deflate for a second. “I think it’s better we change the scenery and go to yours.”
He breathed a sigh of relief.
“Great… I just need a second to shut down the computer.”
I admired his ass, watching him walk back to his desk and trying to catch my breath.
He leaned over to shut down the computer, resting one of his muscular arms on the desk, making his veins pop, and suddenly he looked too irresistible to wait until we got home.
Pushing off from the door, I approached, circling his desk and stopping beside him.
Two weeks, that damn messy hair in a sexy way, and the stubble was enough to drive me wild.
“Sit,” I commanded, making him look at me with a confused brown gaze.
But his hesitation lasted only a second, the time it seemed to take him to decide before obeying.
“You said I can’t help you with your problem…” I said, turning his chair to face me. “But I have some ideas… and I’m sure I can make you forget for at least a few minutes.” I teased, kneeling before him.
“Or days… because I’m definitely going to spend a lot of time remembering the way I’m going to fuck you on this desk later.”