Chapter 139: If It’s with You, I Can Do This
Chapter 139: If It’s with You, I Can Do This
ELLIE
My heart felt like it was about to leap out of my chest, and even with Ethan by my side, holding my hand tightly, I couldn’t stop myself from trembling.
Taking a deep breath and remembering his words, I finally gathered the courage to pick up the test from the sink.
I blinked a few times, feeling a little dizzy when I saw the two small pink lines.
My eyes instantly filled with tears—but not from happiness or sadness, just pure fear.
Never in my life had I felt as lost as I did in that moment. Suddenly, everything felt out of my control.
“It’s a yes, isn’t it?” he asked, looking for confirmation.
Meeting his gaze through my tears, I nodded, feeling another wave crashing in.
“Hey…” he cupped my face. “It’s going to be okay,” he said, wiping the tears from under my eyes, trying to calm me. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me into his chest, stroking my hair. “This is a good thing,” he whispered.
But I just couldn’t stop crying. The idea that there was a new life inside me was terrifying.
“I know you’re scared, but I’m here,” he murmured, kissing my temple. “We’ll get through this. As scary as it is, I know we can do this,” he said, as if just letting his thoughts come out. “Come on now.” Taking the test from my hand, he left it on the sink and led me back to the bedroom.
Lying down with me, he pulled me close, resting my head against his chest.
Though softer now, my tears still came. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop them—not with all the questions and doubts tormenting my mind.
I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother yet, but even so, would I be able to do it? My parents were incredible—the best example I could have had. This child would have the best grandparents in the world, and maybe because of that, I stood a chance.
But on the other hand, it felt like a ghost was haunting me. One that had followed me all my life.
Was there any chance I might turn out like her? Like the woman who left me without looking back? That thought was terrifying.
I thought I had gotten over it, but maybe I needed to accept that this ghost would keep coming back to haunt me, in unpredictable ways, at the most unexpected moments in my life.
All the chaos in my head was making it feel heavy. I just wanted the thoughts to stop.
“It’s going to be okay,” Ethan whispered, as if he could read my mind. “Try to sleep, you’ll feel better when you wake up.”
✽
A thunderclap outside woke me up, but the delicious sound of rain falling made me want to stay in bed, and I refused to open my eyes. At least until I remembered.
Fuck. I’m pregnant.
I still couldn’t believe it. But at least I felt calmer, and the fear seemed to have backed off a little.
I think I was terrified at that moment, but now things felt clearer in my head.
Feeling scared is normal. I didn’t need to feel awful for it—or blame myself for not crying with joy. That doesn’t make me a horrible person. But maybe I had been a bit selfish, for focusing only on how I felt.
The thought made me roll over in bed, only to find his side empty. Where was he?
Getting up, I checked the bathroom, taking the chance to brush my teeth, then walked out to the living room and found him in the kitchen.
A warm aroma of eggs and caramelized sugar hung in the air, pulling me straight to the counter, where fresh pancakes were stacked, dripping with caramel sauce. I groaned inwardly, craving them immediately.
Rounding the counter, I hugged him from behind as he stirred the eggs in the pan.
“Good morning,” he murmured back, covering my hands with his and inhaling deeply, as if he were relaxing.
“I’m sorry about before,” I said, choosing my words carefully in my head.
Moving to turn off the stove, he made me let go of him.
Setting the spatula aside, he turned to face me.
“Why are you apologizing?” he asked seriously.
“For… breaking down? For crying—”
“No. You don’t have to apologize.”
“I guess I could’ve handled it better—maybe not ruined the moment by thinking only of myself.”
“Enough. Stop that. You have no reason to feel guilty, okay?” he said firmly, his hands reaching for my face.
“I just wish I’d reacted more calmly, like you.”
“You think I’m not scared?”
“It doesn’t seem like it.”
“Then I guess I should be glad you can’t tell,” he said with a faint smile, his hands moving to my waist.
“You just seem to have accepted the idea better than I did.”
He frowned, seeming to consider my words, then blinked, and his expression softened again.
“Maybe it’s because the woman of my life—my future wife—is going to have my child… So how could that be a bad thing?”
Oh my God. His words made me feel even guiltier—and at the same time, opened my eyes to what should have been the most important thing from the start.
“Okay…” I took a deep breath, trying not to cry again. “First, I hadn’t focused on that perspective yet, but I couldn’t be happier that it’s with you. Second, now I feel even worse for not crying with joy.”
“I’m sure you’ll still have plenty of time to cry,” he teased. “But forget that guilt nonsense. You have every right to react however you want—there’s no right way, okay? Especially because this wasn’t planned. And believe it or not, as calm as I might seem, I was just as scared and lost as you were,” he said, like he knew exactly what I needed to hear. “But like I said, we’re doing this together.”
“Thank you… for being like this, and for making me believe we’ll get through it.”
“We will,” he said, leaning in to kiss me softly. “Now you need to eat—or should I say, you both—”
“No. Stop right there. It’s way too soon for that,” I warned, moving around the counter to sit.
Smiling, he started serving me, placing everything on the counter.
At some point, after finishing, he stopped suddenly in the middle of the kitchen, catching my attention.
“Shit… This is crazy…” he said, with a huge, nervous smile, like it had just hit him that this was real.
“I know,” I agreed, smiling and shaking my head.
He approached and stopped beside me, looking at me in awe as he cupped my face in his hands.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you too,” I whispered back, stroking his hand.
“So… what’s the next step?”