Family dinner

"Thank you," I say as excitement suddenly clogs my throat. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted to make a good first impression until now, for my mother's sake. Seeing that Jackson is being nice instead of mean really helps me dispel some of the worry.

"Tell me, Leah , how do you like Riverside so far?" asks Jonathan as we wait for our food to be brought to us. I glance over at Rayan and see that he is already looking at me with a smirk.

I look away and mumble a reply to Jackson . "It's been good so far. It's really hot here though," I say and he laughs.

"Yeah, it's pretty hot in Texas. But it will start to cool down soon. Maybe you'll like it better," he says winking at me.

"I hope so," I tell him teasingly. Our food is brought to us and the waiters set a plate for each of us. They all have steaks on their plates, plus rice and vegetables.

Just looking at the food turns my stomach, especially when I finally get a whiff of it. It smells wonderful, but I haven't eaten well in a while. I binge like crazy and then I don't eat anything. It's affecting my functioning.

I think that's why I take the pills religiously. They don't make me hungry when I have them in my system.

"How was school?" Mom asks a second later and I look up from my plate to look in her direction.

"Fine. Same as usual," I lie, and a second later I feel like shit for lying to my mom.

"Good. I'm so glad you're still doing well in school and adjusting," she tells me and then turns to Rayan . "How have you been doing in school?" she asks him. I see her jaw clench again, as if it's taking great effort to answer him. Almost as if he doesn't want to talk to her.

"The truth is, it's been great. Soccer is great and I even have a girl who can't get enough of my cock," he tells her. Her eyes bore into mine as she smiles at me. His school experience is amazing because he's making mine a living hell, even though I'm not going to tell him.

"Give it a rest, Rayan," Jackson says, but Rayan doesn't respond. In fact, he won't even look at him. Now that I'm studying them, I realize there's tension between them. Maybe their life isn't as perfect as it seems.

"Oh, come on, it's okay," my mother says with a laugh. "I'm sure you had your playboy days too."

Ugh! I can't believe I'm defending this jerk . I know he was talking about me, even if she doesn't know it, and I'll take it to my grave. The idiot left out the part where he throws a tantrum every time it occurs to him that I'm with someone who isn't him.

"He's lying! I've seen him around school and he follows her around like a lost puppy. The poor thing can't even have friends because he's always after her. Then he becomes an idiot when he thinks she's with someone else," I tell them. I'm not looking at them, I'm looking at him, and boy is he pissed, but I just smile at him. Take that, asshole .

"Believe me, I don't have feelings for her. All I want to do is fuck her because she already knows she's nothing but my whore," he whines.

"Cut it out, Rayan! That's no way to talk at the table," Jackson tells him in an authoritative tone.

Neither of us listens because I continue, "Liar, liar. But that's okay, I'll let you keep lying to yourself. If I didn't see your obsessive behavior myself, I'd be inclined to believe what you say," I snap at him. He's about to respond when Jackson interrupts again.

"Behave yourselves, both of you! Rayan , I expect you to treat whoever you see with respect," Jackson tells his son.

"You mean like you respected Mom when she was alive? Should I take an example from you, Father? Because believe me, you were not a role model," Rayan scolds his father with venom in his voice.

"We'll discuss this later. Now let's get back to dinner." says Jackson through gritted teeth.

Rayan shrugs and continues eating, but I can tell he's still angry. I take a small bite of steak and feel my stomach turn at the thought of eating more. It tastes like lead in my throat.

I move the food around the plate with my head down as my mother and Jackson continue as if we didn't just have an awkward moment at the table. As if Rayan and I haven't exchanged words with each other.

Although now I'm a little curious about what's going on between Rayan and his father. They clearly don't have a close relationship like my mom and I do. I can feel the animosity between them. It's weird, that's for sure.

"Why aren't you eating?" asks Rayan suddenly and I raise my head at him. Fuck. the asshole couldn't keep his mouth shut? I know he didn't ask with any kind of concern or kindness in his heart.

"Leah? Aren't you eating again?" Mom asks and suddenly I feel all eyes on me.

"What? I'm eating. Mom, I'm fine. I'm not going through that phase anymore," I tell her, gesturing with my eyes to get her off my back. "I've been eating this whole time." I pop a big mouthful into my mouth and start chewing to show her that I'm eating. I guess she doesn't buy my act.

"Should I take you to the doctor again?" he asks me in a concerned voice.

I guess eating disorders are nothing new to me. The first time it happened to me was after my surgery and then when my parents started fighting a lot. Who the hell would think about eating if their parents were always fighting?

"No. I'm fine, Mom. Rayan is just goofing off," I say as I look at him. I gesture to eat my food until it's gone because my mom won't stop looking at me. She thinks I don't notice, but I do.

When we finish dinner, I say goodnight to Mom and Jackson before running upstairs to my room. All the food I've just eaten churns in my stomach and the urge to vomit it all up is overwhelming.

I know that if I don't get to my room soon, I'll do it right there. When I get there, I fling open the door and rush into the bathroom. I kneel on the floor in front of the toilet just in time to vomit up everything I ate a few minutes ago.

I keep throwing up until my stomach churns. When I'm done and I don't feel like throwing up anymore, I sit back down on the floor in front of the toilet. Tears come to my eyes.

I don't want this for myself. I don't want to keep doing it, but every day I fall further down the rabbit hole of self-loathing. I don't know how to get out of it.

"So, the rumors that you're bulimic are true?". Rayan's voice comes from the bathroom door and my head turns in her direction. I try to wipe away my tears, but stop because it's useless. I know he's already seen them.