Chapter 122

"Knowing what happens to her every time she sees Blackthorne, it has to be her decision if she goes back," Isobel said. "I'll not force any woman to go through what she does. It was unbearable to me, Thorburn. It was like being raped each time my husband took me or gave me to some other, not to mention the beatings. You know what I was when I came here, a cowed little mouse. She agrees or we let her go; help her to leave. Even asking her is disgusting to me."

"I'll agree to it. She volunteers or she's gone," Thorburn said.

"Then we'll speak to her tomorrow," Frang said.

"Agreed."

"Let's retire. It's been a long day."

They all made their way to their respective rooms. Thorburn grabbed additional bedding from the closet and entered his room. Teárlag hadn't retired, she was sitting in front of the fire.

"Why haven't you gone to bed?" Thorburn asked. "You said you were tired."

"I know you don't want to sleep with me anymore. I thought I'd stay here by the fire and let you have the bed."

"Don't bother. I've slept on the ground more times than I can count. You take the bed, I'll sleep here," he said, indicating a corner of the room.

"It's your bed. It doesn't feel right."

"Right be damned. Take it. Sleeping on the floor will allow me to sleep lighter in case you want to stab me in my sleep."

She started crying again, no sound, just tears running down her cheeks. She got up, removed her outer dress and got into the bed. Thorburn put his bedding on the floor, banked the fire, blew out the candles and lay down facing away from the bed.

The room went silent. Thorburn turned on his back and stared up at the ceiling, his hands behind his head.

"I'm sorry, Thorburn," Teárlag whispered.

"I don't care if you're sorry, whore. Be quiet and let me sleep."

For the next half hour, he heard quiet sobs from the bed until she cried herself to sleep.

Teárlag woke up late the following morning. She'd not slept well the previous night, fearing the worst, and yesterday she'd been strained to exhaustion by the emotions of the funeral, being questioned by the Cameron's, Thorburn's hatred. It burned at her, like acid. For once meeting a good man, a young vigorous man who knew her body as well as she did and it was ruined beyond repair. The strange part was she could never meet him without Blackthorne, the same reason she now lost him. She'd cried enough tears for a lifetime. It was time to move on. Her maid came when she called and helped her dress.

Moving to the kitchen, the cook gave her some sweetbreads and tea. After she'd eaten, the cook came to her with parchment, quill and ink.

"Laird Cameron bid me give you this when you finished eating. He said you would know what to do with it and asked I remind you to provide as much detail as you could."

"Yes, thank you. I do know what he wants. Can you tell me where the others are?"

"Oh, they're out in the courtyard, banging away with those bloody swords, even the ladies. Don't know why they do it? So unladylike, don't you think?"

"I suppose they feel they must learn to protect themselves. It's been dangerous, don't you think? That poor girl Màiri. Praying the same thing won't happen to them."

"It was a shame, but isn't it why they're all married, so their husbands can care for them."

"Not everyone has a husband, do they?"

"I guess not." The cook went back to her cooking.

Teárlag realized she could not do this in the open. Others besides Thorburn might know to what it pertained. Thorburn had a desk in his room. She'd work on it there with far less chance of being disturbed. She went back to his room and started to compose it.

It was the driver who brought her there, so she seldom paid attention until she went into the house, but she did have an eye for detail, so she thought she could reconstruct a plot of the site. She started with the house, then tried to picture what was to the left and right. What was across the street when she departed and to the left and right of that? Slowly, she added more details to the map until she was satisfied with what she had.

After the map, she pictured the inside of the house and the cabinet. She sketched a picture of cabinet and where it stood in the room. She left a note saying candles were in a drawer, and how to move the cabinet to reveal the tunnel beyond. She described as best she could the lever for opening the wall into the dungeon, but said he'd have to feel for it more than likely as it was hard to put into words. The sconce on the other side was easier to find and use. She tried to think of anything else to add, but could not think of a thing.

She put the map in Thorburn's desk and went back down. She went into the courtyard. Training was winding down for lunch. All the men and women were hot and sweaty. They saw Teárlag standing there and Frang, Isobel, Stuart and Ailene nodded to her. Thorburn turned away.

Isobel and Ailene came over and said, "We need to wash up a little before lunch. Why don't you join us." Teárlag nodded yes and they went to Ailene's room.

Isobel and Ailene both removed their breast armor and took off their shirts. Ailene poured water from a pitcher into a basin and soaked a cloth, wrung it out and handed it to Isobel who wiped herself down. When she was done, Ailene re-rinsed it and washed herself. Ailene grabbed a fresh shirt for herself and handed another to Isobel. Teárlag started to say something, but Ailene held a finger to her lips and shook her head. She pointed all around to the walls and ceiling. Teárlag nodded her understanding.

When the two women were dressed again, Ailene motioned them both in close. "Thank you for talking to us," Ailene said, her voice a whisper.

"I'm not sure if I gave you anything to help," Teárlag replied, her voice as low. "Might even have told you things which would increase your danger if you try to make use of them."

"Thorburn's right though," Ailene said. "We've been reacting, not planning. We just wanted to be left alone and did nothing, hoping we would be left alone. We can't do that anymore."

"Thorburn is never going to forgive me, is he?" Teárlag whispered.

"Can you blame him?" Isobel asked. "Thorburn cared for you, Teárlag."

"If he cared for you less," Ailene added, "it may have mattered less, but betrayals by the ones we love are always the worst."

"I was thinking this morning how I would never have met you had I not agreed to spy, but by spying, have ruined any chance at happiness. How star crossed is that?"

"You can't think of it as the end of life, Teárlag. Like all of life's lessons, it's a learning experience. Having discovered it, you must hope you don't make the same mistakes," Isobel said. "You will not make future decisions based upon greed, or fear, or ally yourself with people whose reputation you know is questionable. You will consider the character of people and the morality of what you do. If you have lost Thorburn, it does not mean you've lost all love or hope of love from your life. You can meet another; a good man. He could be older, or less handsome, but a good man nonetheless. Don't give up hope for love."

"I pray you're right. At this moment, my life feels ended."

"Yet here you are, not dead, atoning for your sins. We'll be meeting again this afternoon. You need to join us once again. We'll eat our lunch in the strapping room and discuss other things, such as your future," Ailene said. She took Teárlag's hand. "I, for one, think what you did is very brave and commend you for it. Let's get some food."

"Before we go down, I need to get the map I made for Thorburn. I left it in his room."