Chapter 8: Chapter Eight

Across the street from the forum, Ford waited for his son, fidgeting with the pack of cigarettes he’d grabbed at the corner store on the way to work. He’d already smoked five today, spoiling his umpteenth attempt to quit.

What was one more?

Kyle should have been here with Jaxon by now, but Ford was kinda happy he was late. He still had no idea what to do with the kid. Explain why he’d never been there for him? Find something to do the boy would enjoy? Bring him to a place to eat his favorite foods? Ford didn’t know anything about him.

And from the little Kyle had told him on the phone, Jaxon wasn’t all that excited to get to know his father.

He was coming because Kyle told him he had to give Ford a chance. He’d threatened to cut the kid’s Wi-Fi access.

When Ford heard that, he’d told Kyle to forget it. He didn’t want his son spending time with him to avoid getting punished. If Jaxon wasn’t ready, Ford would give him the time he needed.

But Kyle wouldn’t listen. He agreed with Anthony Delgado. Seeing Jaxon would keep Ford ‘motivated’. Seemed his son’s uncle liked the lifestyle Anthony had introduced him to. He didn’t want to lose it.

Ford was already terrified he’d fuck up as a dad. So long as his son was under the ‘care’ of Anthony Delgado and Kyle Macrae, the poor kid wasn’t safe from emotional manipulation. All Ford could do was give him some space from them, if only during his limited time with the boy.

Jaxon gets a clueless dad or those calculating, greedy fuckers. Nice to have options. Ford pulled out a cigarette with a shaky hand. Struggled to flick the lighter, his fingers slippery with sweat.

He jumped as a small hand wrapped around his wrist.

“Hey, you.” Akira took the lighter from him. “Silver told me you were out here waiting. I should have been here sooner. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Your friend needed you. Jami shouldn’t be alone now.” He meant every word, but damn it, he’d missed her. The day he’d found out about his son, Jami, who was about six months pregnant, had been rushed to the hospital with sharp pains. Akira had stayed with her all night, then the next day.

Neither Luke nor Sebastian would have left Jami’s side if Akira hadn’t been there, even though the doctor had assured them all the pain was merely from ligaments being strained during sudden movement. Jami had just turned twenty, and having twins for her first pregnancy scared her and her men. Understandable, since she was already considered high risk because of past drug abuse.

Akira was incredibly loyal and protective of her friends. He and Cort made sure she knew they fully supported her being away whenever—and for as long as—she needed to be.

But that also meant he’d had to tell her about his son on the phone. And still wasn’t sure what to make of her reaction.

She’d been calm. Only asked a few questions. Told him they’d figure everything out.

And said they’d talk more when she got home.

Which had been today. Shortly after he’d left for work.

She probably wasn’t happy to see him smoking. Why the fuck was he so weak? Sure, the nicotine steadied his nerves, but he shouldn’t need this shit anymore.

Telling himself that only made him want it more.

He moved to stuff the cigarette he was holding back in the pack.

“Ford, it’s okay. I know that look. I’m not upset.” She gave him a small, sweet smile that warmed his heart. “You were doing amazing. And when you’re ready to quit again, I’ll help however you need me to. But don’t feel like you need to hide it from me. You quit on your terms, no one else’s.”

“I don’t think I can.” He didn’t need this one though. Not right now. Akira being here settled him more than another drag ever would. “But I’m good. I’m fucking glad you’re here.”

She released his wrist, waited until he put the cigarettes away, then wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tight. “I wish I could have been with you sooner. Said…said something. Your news was just a lot all at once.”

“Yeah. It was.” He breathed into her hair, letting the scent, the feel of her, ground him. His life was a fucking mess, but he still had her. And Cort. So long as he had them both, he could deal with anything.

But was it even fair to expect them to stick with him? His son being in his life wasn’t negotiable. Jaxon had no one else. His aunt and uncle might have been there for him, but with what Ford had learned over the past few days, he didn’t believe they were who was best for the boy.

Maybe he wasn’t either, but he couldn’t be much worse. Between Kyle’s scheming, and Andrea’s indifference, Jaxon was stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no one putting him first.

Ford would. He always would, from here on out, no matter what it cost him.

“We need to talk about this, Ford. It’s gonna be okay. We can… Hell, I don’t know. I don’t know if you plan to leave him with your father or bring him to live with us. There’s so much up in the air, but I need you to know, whatever you decide…” She inhaled slowly. “I…I love you.”

Throat tight, Ford nodded, holding her a little tighter. They hadn’t gotten a chance for him to make it clear he’d be making a home for him and his son. He couldn’t bring himself to say if that was too much for her, he’d let her go. He didn’t want to consider that a possibility.

Could he really have it all though? The man and woman he loved and the son he’d only just met? With his career unstable, his family both the best, and the worst thing he could offer anyone, who knew what tomorrow would bring?

Akira loved him. He didn’t doubt that.

How much could he demand from that love? He refused to ask her to put her dreams on hold. To ask her to become a mother at twenty-two when she’d made it clear she wasn’t ready. To ask her to stand by him as he surrendered to his dark side to protect his son.

With one last, deep breath, he eased away from her. “I love you too. But we can’t discuss this now. It won’t be… It won’t be an easy conversation. I need you to know I’ll respect whatever decision you make.”

Akira’s eyes narrowed. “From the sounds of it, you’ve already assumed what it will be. Don’t. This isn’t something I’ll take on blindly, but I’m here, Ford. I don’t scare that easy.”

“I know you don’t, shorty.” Ford smiled at her, then pressed his eyes shut as a car pulled up and he saw the driver was Kyle. The man didn’t get out. He simply kept his eyes on Ford and Akira, his expression unreadable. Ford brought his focus back to Akira. “This isn’t something we can get through though. This changes everything.”

“I know.” Akira gave him a tight smile, glancing over at the car. “Go spend time with your son. Give yourself a chance to be the father he needs. Know it won’t happen overnight. You’re not your father. And I’m not your mother. You don’t need to shield me from the bad stuff. You need to let me see it all. And you’re not.”

He stifled a wince and inclined his head. She knew him too well. And as much as she might say she wanted every part of him, she’d hated him once for a reason. If he gave her what she wanted, she might again.

If she gave him that cold look that had filled her eyes once, he wasn’t sure he’d ever recover. Ever be whole enough to be the man his son needed. The balance was so insanely precarious, he couldn’t even begin to force his mind to absorb it. All he could do was keep walking that fine line.

And hope he didn’t fall in the process.

“I’m not trying to shield you. Just want you to know you’ve got options.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you tonight. Don’t worry about me.”

“Exactly what I’d expect you to say before I need to worry.” She sighed and gave his shoulder a little shove. “Go on. And don’t forget, I love you means something. They aren’t simply words I say.”

He forced a smile and inclined his head. “Right back atcha, shorty.”

As she headed back to the forum, Ford made his way to the car, surprised Jaxon hadn’t gotten out yet. He’d expected Kyle to drop the boy off and come back later.

Kyle had other plans. “Get in. He wants to go to the arcade. It’ll give us a chance to talk.”

Jaw hard, Ford hesitated. He didn’t have much to say to the man, and had zero interest in spending the next hour with him. But maybe this was the best idea for his first outing with his son. Jaxon might be more comfortable with his uncle, and at least they’d be doing something he enjoyed.

Walking around the car, Ford got in the front passenger seat.

Jaxon didn’t even glance up from his iPad.

Clearing his throat, Ford glanced over his shoulder as Kyle pulled away from the curb. “How you doing, buddy?”

Brow furrowed, Jaxon shrugged.

“It’s a big change, eh?”

Another shrug.

“What are you playing?”

“Little Nightmares.” This time, Jaxon lifted his head. “You ever heard of it?”

Damn it, Ford really wished he had. He gave the kid a sheepish smile. “No, but I used to play some games. You ever tried GTA?”

Rolling his eyes, Jaxon brought his attention back to his iPad. “No. That’s fucking lame.”

“He says because he’s not allowed to play it.” Kyle let out a soft laugh. “The group home made those rules, Jaxon, and your aunt thought they’d be good to stick with.” He cocked his head, not taking his eyes off the road. “Now that we’ve found your father, maybe he’ll have different rules.”

Bringing his thumb to his mouth to chew on, Jaxon regarded Ford skeptically. “Will you?”

“Of course.” Maybe Grand Theft Auto wasn’t the best game for a nine-year-old, but this was the first time Jaxon hadn’t seemed irritated by his presence. At this point, he was willing to consider almost anything his son wanted to make the kid happy. “Life’s gonna be different now, Jaxon. It’ll take time to figure everything out, but I promise you, you’ll be home soon.”

With a soft grunt, Jaxon glared down at the screen. “Yeah. We’ll see.”

The kid didn’t believe him, and Ford wasn’t surprised. The boy had never had a place he could call home. Some stranger suddenly walking into his life wasn’t going to change his mind. He’d need to see things changing, being good and staying that way, before he could learn to trust he wouldn’t lose it all.

And if nothing else, Ford swore he would find a way to earn his son’s trust.

Checking his GPS a couple times, Kyle finally pulled up in the parking lot, parking and shutting off the car as Ford and Jaxon got out. Jaxon sulked when Kyle took the iPad and stashed it in the glove compartment, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his baggy jeans as they started toward the large, rectangular building which had Sparkles Family Fun Center written in colorful letters on the side.

So far the kid didn’t seem impressed.

Ford didn’t blame him. At Jaxon’s age, he wouldn’t have been caught dead in a place like this. But when they got inside, there were plenty of other kids even older than his son. Must be a service day or something.

Jaxon didn’t seem interested in any of the games, but as he wandered past all the crowded stations, he lifted his head, eyes going wide as he spotted a U-shaped counter with all kinds of toys behind it. On each toy displayed there was a number for tickets needed to exchange for them.

“Oh this is so cool!” Jaxon pointed at a drone which declared it worked by voice command. “Do you think we could get this?”

Glancing at the number of tickets needed, Ford whistled softly. “Ten thousand tickets.”

Scowling, Jaxon hunched his shoulder. “Fuck this. It’s stupid.”

“Hey, you’re not giving up already, are you?” Ford crouched down and put his hand on Jaxon’s shoulder. “You want it? We better get to work.”

Eyes wide, Jaxon stared at him. “Serious?”

“Serious.” Looking around, Ford spotted the token machine. “Let’s do this.”

Following them, Kyle chuckled, speaking low. “You’re nuts, Ford. Do you have any idea how much that will cost? You’d be better off just buying it for him.”

Arching a brow, Ford fed a twenty into the machine. “That wouldn’t be much fun.”

But the look on Jaxon’s face when he poured the coins into his cupped hands? So damn worth every penny. They started with Skee Ball, which they all sucked at. After fifteen minutes, they only had a hundred tickets between them. Wack-A-Mole wasn’t much better.

“Get it! Get it!” Jaxon’s voice rose as Ford tried to smash the irritating little fuckers popping randomly out of the holes. After the tenth time, Ford had worked up a sweat and was ready to tip the damn machine over and crush all those tiny, smiling heads, but Jaxon’s excitement spurred him on. He dropped in his last token, quickly reached into his wallet and pulled out a twenty. “Get more tokens, Kyle. These little shits must die.”

Laughing hard, Jaxon leaned close as Ford kept slamming at the moles.

Kyle shook his head, but got more tokens.

They finally got their first thousand tickets, but they were running out of time. Ford ground his teeth as he glanced at his watch. He had a meeting in twenty minutes.

The disappointment in Jaxon’s eyes made his next decision easy.

“Give me a sec.” He pulled out his phone and called Cort, stepping outside as Kyle brought Jaxon to yet another game. When Cort answered, he used his sweetest voice, hoping the man wouldn’t be pissed. “You know I love you, right?”

Cort sighed. “Do I need to bring bail money or a shovel?”

“Neither. I need you to cover me for the board meeting.”

“Are you fucking high?”

“No… I’m with my son. Need nine thousand tickets.” He pressed his eyes shut. Would Cort get how important this was? “He so fucking happy, man. I can’t just ditch him.”

“Shit. Yeah. And you don’t sound fucking scared of him, so progress.” Cort groaned, sounding like he was walking fast, the noise of the shop growing distant. “You’re fucking lucky all I’ve got is some minor repairs to deal with. I can leave that to my men and be at the forum in half an hour. Unless you don’t care if I show up covered in grease.”

“Show up however you want. I can call Oriana and have them wait for you.”

“No. Go enjoy your time with your son. I’ve got this.” Cort let out a low laugh, his tone close to a lion’s deep purr. “You fucking owe me.”

A sliver of fear and anticipation slithered down Ford’s spine like a lick of ice. From Cort, that could mean anything. “This weekend, I’m all yours.”

“Damn right you are.” Cort cleared his throat. “Sloan gave me some ideas… But we’ll discuss that later.”

“Holy fuck, like you need more ideas?”

“Goodbye, Ford.”

Shaking his head, Ford took a deep breath, thought of things that would get his dick to behave, then headed back in. All the screaming kids made it easier not to wonder what Cort had planned. Was kinda hard to look at a kid literally kicking and screaming on the floor and think of whips and chains.

Not in a fun way, that is. Some of these kids were savage. He barely avoided getting a head in the nuts as three rambunctious toddlers appeared out of nowhere. He sidestepped and watched them, wondering what Jaxon had been like at that age. He had to ask Kyle for some pictures. Try to fill in the blanks as much as possible.

As he reached his son’s side at the hoop game, the reality of how things would be from here on settled within. He’d lost too much time, but he had to focus on today. And tomorrow. And every opportunity he had to make his son smile the way he was right now.

He caught the small basketball Jaxon tossed him and grinned. “Hope you’re not in a rush. Your old man’s gotta few things to show you.”

The ball didn’t go in the first time, but Jaxon still brought it to him again with an encouraging smile. “You’ll get it this time.”

“I’ll do my best, but even if I don’t, I’ll keep trying until I do.” Ford narrowed his focus on the goal. Took his time before taking his next shot. “All I need is time.”

He missed again. Jaxon chewed on his bottom lip as he grabbed the ball. “Don’t you gotta be somewhere.”

Ford grabbed the ball and bounced it off his son’s head, lips slanted. “Somewhere other than with you, kid? Not a chance.”

Jaxon’s eyes widened, something within them Ford hadn’t seen before. Something he needed to make sure never went away.

Hope.