Chapter 84 Sorry
Releasing myself, I get a tissue from my bag, and dry my eyes.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Don’t be sorry. You’ve had an emotional time of late, a lot of changes in your life. I’d be worried if you weren’t crying. Now, do you want something to drink?” she asks, getting to her feet, moving toward her desk.
“Coffee?”
“I was thinking something a little stronger. ” Her tone is conspiratorial. Then she pulls a bottle of whiskey from out of her desk drawer.
“Perfect,” I say, a little smile forming on my lips, as Vicky grabs two cups off her shelf.
I leave work a little over an hour later, having spent that time in Vicky’s office talking and drinking whiskey.
I feel a little lighter after the chat, and a lot lighter after the whiskey, and now I’m more than ready to see Natte.
Eight hours to go.
As I push out of the glass doors of the resort building, the cool air hits my skin, and the lightness, kindly provided by whiskey, unfortunately, starts to lift.
Taking a right, I turn to head toward the subway station for home.
“shiv?”
Pausing, I turn around to see Will standing about twenty yards away from me.
He’s dressed in blue jeans, a plain white T-shirt, and a black leather jacket. He looks like he hasn’t shaved in a while, and I can see the bruising left from his fight with Natte around his eye. I hate that they fought because of my selfishness.
He looks different, but still handsome. Just Will. The Will Terry loved and I love as a good friend.
I feel a sudden pang for him. The intensity of it surprises me.
“Will? What, what are you doing here?” I try to recover myself from the shock of just seeing him here in the street.
“Sorry I just” he takes a step forward.
“Have you followed me?” I ask.
That sounded really conceited. I wish I could take it back.
“No,” he answers softly. “I’d just popped into work to drop something off, and I saw you go into your building. I just, I wanted to talk to you, so I hung around and waited. ” He pushes his hands deep in his pockets. “I called her left messages but she never called me back. ”
He's talking about Terry
“I’m sorry. ” I hug my bag to my side. “I just think Terry feels like it is not a good idea to talk then, you were angry, rightly so and I didn’t want to make things worse for you. ”
“How is she?” He takes another step closer.
“She’s okay. ” I tuck my hair nervously behind my ear. “How are you?”
“Oh, you know. ” He shrugs, and runs his hand through his lovely blonde hair. It looks all mussed up. Very un-Will. It suits him.
His eyes meet with mine.
He looks nervous and sad. My heart is aching seeing him here standing before me looking this way.
This is what I’ve done to him.
“Do you have time to have a coffee?” he asks.
“Um, I think”
“I mean if you too busy, I understand. ”
“I’m not too busy. Of course I’ll have coffee with you. ” I smile.
He smiles too. It’s nice to see. I’ve missed his lovely smile.
I know Terry didn't say it last night but she missed him. I just didn’t realise how much she was missing him until now.
“Shall we go to there?” he asks.
“Yes, let’s. ”
We walk side by side in relative silence for the five minute walk to the cafe near the resort.
When we arrive, Will holds the door open for me. I walk into the café, the aroma of coffee hitting me straight away, and memories, so many memories.
This was a place for the three of us . We always had lunch together here.
It’s sad being here with him now, like this, apart. I guess I never thought there would be a day that I would ever be without, Terry and Will.
As it’s early the cafe is empty, only Will and I here, so we get a small table by the window and order two lattes.
“Are you not in work today?” I ask, at a vain attempt in small talk, while we wait for our drinks.
“No,” he shakes his head. “I took a little time off after I got back that day you know. ”
I bite my lip. I can feel tears forming in my eyes, but I don’t want to cry in front of him. I don’t deserve the right to cry.
I knot my fingers on the table in front of me. Taking a deep breath, I say, “I’m so sorry, Will. For everything. For the pain I’ve caused you”
He meets my eyes, and all I can see in them is hurt. And I can’t help the tear that escapes from my eye.
I quickly catch it falling.
“shiv, that day, when I pushed you away in the hall and you fell, I didn’t hurt you did I?” He sounds tormented.
After everything I have done to him, and he still cares whether he hurt me or not.
It makes my heart hurt more.
Another tear drops. “No, of course you didn’t,” I shake my head.
“I saw the papers,” he utters quietly. “You and Natte. ”
I close my eyes briefly.
“Are you happy?” he asks.
“Yes and no. I’m not happy for what I’ve done to you. I’m so sorry, Will. ” Tears are running freely from my eyes now, and I don’t care who sees.
I can see Will’s eyes shining, but he’s holding himself together.
“I hate myself for what I did to you. ” I wipe the dripping tears from my chin with the back of my hand.
“I don’t hate you, shiv. I wanted to, but I can’t I love her too much, even without you coming between us she could have maybe made the same decision. ”
I bite my trembling lip.
I never deserved this wonderful friend here, before me, in the first place. And I most certainly don’t deserve him now.
He takes a deep breath. “If I said to you that none of it mattered, what happened with Terry and Dennis that I still want her irrespective of it all. ” He pauses, pressing his lips together, before finishing. “Would you convince her to come back to me?”
And I immediately think of Pine just at this moment, would he ever show up one day and say something like this
I’m so torn in this moment. Being away from Pine, it was easy to forget how much I loved him and still love him.
A part of me wants to say yes, a big part, to take his and my pain away.
But I can’t.
Natte is my soul mate. My best friend. And I would always go back to him, every time. And for Terry she was happy yesterday, I don't think I can convince her to go back to will
I slowly shake my head. “I can't do that , Will. She's my best friend. I’m so sorry. ”
A tear runs from his eye, which he quickly brushes away. “I just don’t know how to live my life without her in it, shiv. Nothing’s making sense right now. ”
I want to touch him. Hold him. I want to fix this, but I don’t know how to.
“You deserve better. ” I blink out more tears. “You always did. You were always too good for her, Will. You deserve someone who would never, ever hurt you. ”
“But I want her,” he says. A tear runs down his cheek. He doesn’t wipe this one away.
My lip wobbles again, tears streaming endlessly. I rub my runny nose on my sleeve.
At that, the waiter comes over with our lattes. I grab some napkins, quickly drying my tears.
The waiter has the good grace to pretend he doesn’t see me crying.
Once he departs, Will reaches across the table and takes hold of my hand, squeezing it.
I start crying again.