Chapter 13: Chapter Thirteen

Steps away from the Joan Harriss Cruise Pavilion, Zach stood by Becky’s side and grinned at the way Casey gaped up at the Big Ceilidh Fiddle, the world’s largest fiddle. The little girl had been connected at the hip to her mother all week, even refusing to stay with her Uncle Landon and her new baby cousin while Becky saw him off. When he’d gone to pick Becky up, he’d thought at first that he’d have to say goodbye right there and then, but Casey took charge and insisted her mommy had to go to the big boat with him. And she had to come along.

He didn’t mind at all, but he had a feeling Becky wasn’t all that comfortable with it. The few times the three had gone out together over the past week, he was referred to as “Uncle Landon’s friend” or “one of the Cobras.” Casey saw other players at Bower’s place, so she didn’t make much of her mother hanging out with yet another one. Every time they went to the park, they saw a few other guys with their wives and kids. Palladino’s and Williams’ boys had regular playdates, and Zach had been enlisted by Casey as her swing buddy when she saw the boys being pushed high by their daddies. The first time, Becky had told Casey “Mommy will push you, poupée,” but Casey was a stubborn little thing.

“Mommy, I want to tell all the kids at school I spent all summer with the team! Zach has nothing else to do anyway!”

Ready to leave if that would make things easier on Becky, Zach was a little surprised when Becky simply nodded and went to join the other mothers at the picnic tables. He’d caught up with the guys while the kids played, then found himself drawn into conversation with the precocious five-year-old girl when someone brought up bad calls by refs that past season. Casey had been raised on the game and knew more than most die-hard fans. As they were leaving the park, Casey had held his and her mother’s hands, excitedly chatting up a storm about the coming season, and the draft picks the team had picked up, and her birthday.

“You’re coming, right, Zach?” Casey gave him a wide-eyed look, so adorable with that pleading puppy dog expression that he was ready to promise he’d be there even though he wasn’t sure what she was talking about, she’d changed the subject so often. She cleared that up quickly. “Uncle Dean said he might be able to have the team there on my birthday, but you have to be there!”

“Poupée, your birthday’s during training camp.” Becky sounded flustered, as though she was torn between giving her daughter what she wanted for her birthday and trying hard to make sure the little girl didn’t end up disappointed if she couldn’t. “You know the men will be very busy.”

“But you and Zach talk all the time! Please make him come!”

Becky couldn’t seem to find the right words, so Zach did his best. He squeezed Casey’s hand gently and winked at her. “I’ll do my best. The whole team will.”

The grateful look Becky gave him was bittersweet. There was no mistaking what it meant. She was happy that he’d made himself no different from the other players.

Bringing his thoughts back to the present, he forced himself to acknowledge that, as far as Casey was concerned, he was no different. Which he fully understood. It would take months before Becky would be okay with letting Casey know about their relationship. Part of him wished they didn’t have to wait, but he wasn’t in a rush. He would be there for mother and daughter when they needed him. No more, no less.

“All right, guys. About ready?” Tim called out, looking over the group of players standing by the water. Most of the Ice Girl contenders were already onboard, but the players hung out until the last minute, saying goodbye to friends and family who’d come to see them off. The only Ice Girl he could still see mingling was Akira. She stood with Jami, Ramos, and Carter, cheeks flushed as she made a valiant effort not to laugh at the way Jami let the boy have it. Hand on her hips, Jami faced Carter, bringing up one hand once in a while to poke him in the chest before scowling at the boat.

She obviously thought he was going to get in some kind of trouble.

Zach’s lip twitched as Jami cut her lecture short, kissed Carter, then stepped aside so Ramos could move in. Ramos curved his hand around the back of the boy’s neck. Their foreheads touched for a moment, and Ramos said something that had a blush staining Carter’s cheeks. Carter hooked his arm around Sebastian’s shoulders, feigning a hug while pressing a hard kiss to Ramos’ throat. Then he laughed, saluted, and headed up the ramp.

Akira hugged Jami tight, then followed, shouting back, “I’ll keep an eye on him for you!”

A little hand tugged at Zach’s sleeve. He crouched down as Casey gave him that wide-eyed look that made it almost impossible to tell her no. Gusts of warm, ocean air ruffled the child’s golden brown curls. “What is it, angel face?”

“You don’t really have to go, do you? Grandma wanted you to come over for supper!”

“And I will come over. But right now, your mommy missed you so much she wants you all to herself.”

Becky gave him a grateful smile and bent down beside him. “That’s right, poupée. And you remember Auntie Silver said this cruise was very important. Mr. Pearce has to do this for the team.”

“All right.” Casey let out a heavy sigh. “But you have to come over as soon as you get back. Hockey players are hungry all the time. You’re my hero, and we have to feed you.”

Biting back a laugh, Zach nodded solemnly. The Bower women certainly wanted to make sure he didn’t starve. “I’m looking forward to it.”

He straightened as the last of the men filed up the ramp, holding out his arm to pull Becky in for a hug. Her breath caught as his lips hovered over hers. Heat filled her eyes. He’d spent as much time as possible loving her body and satisfying her in every way possible, but they were still so new to one another, it never seemed to be enough. After only one day apart he longed to take her somewhere where they could be alone. To explore all the parts of her he still hadn’t touched or tasted.

How bad would it be after a week?

Before he could kiss her, she turned her head, biting her lip when he drew back and stared at her. She hugged him tight and whispered in his ear. “I’m sorry, it’s just . . . I don’t want her to see us being too friendly. It might confuse her.”

Nodding, he let her pull away from him. He knew that, but he hadn’t even considered what the little girl might think of a man kissing her mother in front of her. And he should have. If he was going to fit into Becky’s life, he had to be prepared to let her set the pace.

“Oh good, I didn’t miss the boat!” Scott jogged up to them, dropping his suitcase at his feet and bracing his hands on his knees, rasping in air as though he’d run all the way here from his new condo. “Fucking Stephan decided, last minute, that I needed more new clothes.”

Becky laughed. “You’re going on a cruise! What do you need besides swim trunks?”

“Or a Speedo.” Scott winked at her.

Jesus. Zach’s gaze skimmed over Scott’s tall, lean body. One he knew very well. The man looked pretty respectable—maybe a little too respectable—in crisp blue jeans and a white, V-neck T-shirt. But the thought of him in a Speedo was unsettling.

“Umm, eww.” Becky wrinkled her nose. “Even you won’t look good in a Speedo.”

Scott smirked. “Tell me that after you see the pics. I’ve got the ass for it.”

Cheeks a nice hot pink, Becky glanced over at Casey, who’d gone back to the big fiddle and had struck up a conversation with Tim’s wife, Madeline. Even though her daughter was out of hearing, Becky kept her voice low. “I believe it. And I like the fact that you’ll be taking pictures with at least something covering you.”

“Hey, you’ve got to admit, the nude shots were very artistic,” Scott said.

“You’re talented, Scott. You don’t need to whore yourself for the cameras.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Why would it?” Becky’s eyes narrowed as Sahara called out to Scott from the bow of the ship. She didn’t seem to care that he purposefully ignored the other woman. Interesting. “You better go.” She sniffed. “And have fun.”

Cocking his head, glancing over at Zach, Scott moved closer to her. He whispered something in her ear and kissed her cheek. “Don’t miss me too much.”

She scoffed, backing away. “I won’t miss you at all. At least you won’t be making my job harder while you’re out there. Not with Tim keeping an eye on you.”

Scott inclined his head. “There’s that. And my lotion—got another bottle. Reminds me of you.”

Lotion? Zach eyed Becky as she covered her bright red cheeks with her hands. Lips parted, she shook her head and spun on her heels, not even looking at him before scooping Casey up and heading to the parking lot.

He gave Scott a dark look as he strode past him on the way to the ramp. The man had no fucking respect. And he’d obviously shared something with Becky that Zach knew nothing about. Hell, they’d be apart for a week, and Scott’s last words had pretty much guaranteed that she’d be thinking about him.

Get over it. You knew there was something between them. She’s earned your trust.

And she’d made it clear she wasn’t interested in Scott. Not in any way that counted.

He’d never considered himself a jealous man, but part of him wondered if he wasn’t missing something. Becky was so determined to go about their relationship the right way. She’d questioned his feelings for Scott several times. He couldn’t help but wonder if she was denying her own.

Not that it mattered. Scott had to back off. Zach refused to let her feel pressured by the other man.

With all the camera crews on the boat, Zach knew better than to confront Scott out in the open, but as soon as the cameras were locked on the bikini-clad Ice Girls, he followed Scott to his room, waving Tim away when the man tried to approach him.

The door clicked shut behind him. Scott looked up from where he’d been unpacking his overstuffed suitcase. His brow furrowed as though he’d tried to read Zach’s expression, but couldn’t. “You’re not gonna punch me, are you?”

Zach shook his head, tucking his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans. “No. Most other men probably would, but I don’t feel threatened by you.”

Scott snorted as he straightened, cramming the last of his T-shirts into the dresser drawers. “You’re so full of shit. The only thing I don’t know is if you’re more scared of how much she wants me, or how much you do.”

“We’ve had this conversation.”

“Have we?”

“Yes.” Zach wasn’t sure what he wanted to do more. Shake some sense into Scott or slam their lips together and kiss him until that cocky smile disappeared. Not that it would do him much good. Scott had a one-track mind, and Zach wasn’t in the mood to try to get through to him. If that’s even possible. Best to keep things very simple. “You know Becky and I are involved.”

Scott laced his fingers behind his neck, brow raised. “Yeah, I do. Just making it clear I’m available.”

Zach let out a rough laugh. Nothing with Scott was “clear.” Becky didn’t need this kind of shit messing with her head. “Leave her alone, Scott. She’s trying to settle into her life here, and you’re doing nothing but complicating things.”

“Well, she’s not here, is she?” Scott inched his body against Zach’s, challenge in his steady gaze. “But you are. Did Tim get a chance to tell you?” A small dimple showed in Scott’s cheek as he grinned. “We’re sharing a room.”

Zach’s jaw ticked as he did his best not to react to that little piece of info. He waited until Scott ducked out of the room, then walked up to the large window to stare out at the ocean. Scott wasn’t going to let this go, and Zach wasn’t quite sure why. Did he consider getting under Zach’s skin a challenge? Did he want Becky because she wouldn’t throw herself at him?

Whatever the reason, Zach had to make sure Scott understood that this had to stop. If he could go through the next week without touching the man, ignoring every advance . . . he grunted, gritting his teeth against the steady throb of his balls. Yeah, you’ll show him, Pearce.

Okay, so the man turned him on. Him and almost any other man or woman with a pulse. No big deal. He didn’t have to act on it.

“—if there was a man . . . a man I felt could give you even half of what I can—who wouldn’t ruin what we have . . .”

Zach cursed as he recalled Becky’s words, right after they’d made love for the first time. She’d been so certain he’d need more. So determined to accept it if he did.

But I don’t.

Becky needed stability. Needed a man who would stand by her no matter what. He knew he could be that man. Scott couldn’t. Yeah, he was tempting. He was the fucking apple in Eden to them both, and if Zach let it happen, both he and Becky could enjoy what little Scott had to offer. But then what? Becky was already unsure about how her relationship with Zach would work. She’d take his lead if he trusted Scott enough to bring him into what they were building, but what kind of Dom would he be to take that kind of risk?

This wasn’t about him being Becky’s Dom, though. Her reactions toward Scott weren’t something he could control. And negating his own feelings wasn’t making the situation any better.

Sitting on the bed, he pulled out his phone, flipping it in his hand several times before dialing. Hearing Becky’s laughter before she said “Hello?” brought a smile to his lips. Whatever happened, he knew they had each other. There was no reason for all this uncertainty. All they had to do was talk it over.

“Hello, little doe.” He scooted backward to rest against the headboard. “Does Casey still like her room or will we need to paint it a different color?”

“Don’t be silly! She loves it—I’m glad we finished in time.” She paused and he could hear her shifting about, then the light pad of her footsteps as she went into another room. “Listen, I’m sorry I left like that. I hope you weren’t upset?”

“Not at all. I did wonder—”

“About the lotion, right?” She spoke quickly, her tone laced with guilt. “It was nothing, really. Scott was hitting on me once, telling me he had ‘needs’ so he could perform on the ice. I gave him a small bottom of lotion and told him to take care of it. Then I . . . I guess I sort of gave him mixed signals. My brother ordered me to stay away from him.”

Zach bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. That couldn’t have gone over well. “What did you do?”

“I kissed Scott. It was more to make a point than anything, but . . .”

“I understand. There’s something about him that’s hard to resist.” Zach sighed. “We should be having this conversation in person, but since that’s not possible—”

“Are you finally going to admit you want him?”

“I don’t think I ever said I didn’t ‘want’ him. I don’t need him when I have you. But I want to be completely honest. I have wondered what the three of us could have if he’s serious about all the changes he’s making. I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

“He’s with Sahara.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s with her just to improve his image.”

“You didn’t see the way he kissed her.” She cleared her throat. “But . . . if you think you could have something with him, I won’t stand in the way. If we’re being honest, I have to admit, before I saw him with Sahara, I was wondering what it could be like too. You guys would be hot together.”

“We were. But that’s not the point.” Zach rubbed his hand over his face, not sure she really understood what he was trying to say. “You aren’t in the way, love. I need a real relationship, and that’s what we have. I don’t ever want you to feel the way I did when I saw Scott with other men. And women.”

“I don’t ever want you to feel that way again. That’s why I asked Scott to back off.” She drew in a sharp inhale. “But it all comes back to him changing. If he has, go for it.”

“Not this week. Not until we both have a chance to see if it will last.”

“I trust you. I know you wouldn’t do anything if I wasn’t okay with it. I repeat—” she let out a light laugh, but it sounded strained “—I am.”

This wasn’t going at all like he’d intended. He shook his head. “That isn’t why I called. Nothing will happen. I wanted to clarify things between us. When I found out I was sharing a room with Scott, I—”

“You’re sharing a room?” She let out another tight laugh. “And you want me to believe nothing will happen?”

He went still. “I thought you trusted me?”

“I do. But it kinda pisses me off to know you’ll be holding him at arm’s length when I’ve told you again and again that I don’t mind.”

So she said. But her tone told him otherwise. She thought she was giving him what he wanted. He sat up, speaking slowly so he wouldn’t be misunderstood again. “I am not a man who enjoys a cheap fuck. That’s all Scott can give me right now. I will tell you the same thing you’ve told me. When—if—you decide to explore things with Scott, I will accept it. But be careful. I won’t be happy if he hurts you.”

“He’s not with me, Zach. He’s with you. I won’t be happy if he hurts you either, but I think you need to give him a chance.”

They spoke for a bit longer, the subject shifting away from Scott, becoming more relaxed as she brought up Silver and how excited Casey had been to see the baby. She mentioned the calendar the team would sell for charity with pictures from the cruise and made him promise to pose for one with Scott.

“Since you’re not here, I need some kind of mental image to help me take care of myself at night.”

He knocked his head back against the headboard, the image of her pleasuring herself while thinking of him with Scott making his balls tight and his dick hard. “The two of you are going to drive me insane!”

“Easy solution. Stop fighting us.” Her voice was deep and husky, resonating down his spine in a way that made him shudder. “Just promise you’ll call me and give me all the dirty details.”

“If anything happens, Becky, you’ll be there to see it.”

“If that’s true, I’ll be a little disappointed. With all the changes Scott’s making, I don’t want to see him losing his touch. He’ll find a way to break through that rigid control you’re so proud of.”

“Considering my control is one of the things you like most about me, I sincerely doubt that will happen.”

“We’ll see,” she said brightly. Then her tone changed, rough with longing. “I’ll miss you.”

“Already?” His lips turned up in a sheepish grin. “I thought I was the only one.”

“You do know we’re becoming one of those sappy couples no one can stand to be around? I don’t think anyone expected that from you.”

“I don’t care what anyone thinks.” He took a deep breath. “I’m falling in love with you, Becky. You’re everything a man could ever want in a woman. I need you to know I’ll never do anything to ruin this.”

“That . . . wow. I’m glad you said that. Because it scares me how fast I’m falling for you. This was the only thing holding me back—knowing there was part of yourself you were keeping from me.” She paused again. “He won’t come between us unless we pretend he’s not there. We fit in each other’s lives. And maybe he can too.”

“Maybe.” Zach still wasn’t sure. But it was good that they’d discussed the possibilities. “There’s only one way to find out. I’ll give him the opportunity to prove himself.”

“Do. I can’t wait to hear how it goes.” Her laughter this time was genuine. “Only one downside to all this.”

He frowned. A downside she found funny? “And what’s that?”

“All the flirting and teasing. All the offers. It worked. Scott’s going to think he won.”

Grinning, Zach shook his head. The way Scott and Becky pushed and pulled, the way they tested one another . . . he could practically see the sparks fly already when they finally came together. But when that happened, none of them would be playing around. “He hasn’t won because this isn’t a game. And this goes no further until I’m sure he understands.”

* * * *

Scott stepped to the edge of the diving board, inhaling deep as he prepared to take the plunge. After hours under the blazing spotlights in the ballroom, posing with several different Ice Girls, dressed in a suit, then full hockey gear, while they got to wear their cute little uniforms—he’d been more than happy to slip into his swim trunks. Cobra swim trunks, black with gold trim and the logo embroidered on one thigh. Little cheesy, but they’d work for the group photos. And they worked now that he needed to cool off.

The water was a good temperature, waking him without shocking him when he broke through the surface with a splash. He stayed under, crossing the pool with long strokes, coming up for a breath before racing to the other end. A few times he had to stop short when the Ice Girls playing in the water blocked his path, but he got in a few good laps, got his heart pumping, before he stopped. Chlorine stung his eyes and his nose, but the burn in his lungs and muscles was invigorating. He shook water from his hair, then groaned as cameras flashed, slashing white light straight into his skull.

“You haven’t gotten enough for today?” he shouted, not all that surprised when the cameramen ignored him and went to blind someone else. “And I volunteered for a fucking week of this?”

“Pretty sure Keane didn’t give you a choice, hot stuff.” Sahara grinned at him as she perched on the edge of the pool to dip her feet into the water. The sequins on her midriff Ice Girl jersey glinted in the sun. “I know you rich dudes can afford cruises like this whenever you want, but me, I’m happy to suffer the cameras all week long for all this.” She tipped her head back, bracing her hands behind her, soaking in the heat with her eyes closed. “Don’t mind me if I don’t feel sorry for you.”

That so? His lip twitched. “Hey, I’m feeling sorry for you.”

She didn’t bother opening her eyes. “Oh? And why’s that?”

“They’re gonna be so pissed.” He scooped his hands under the water. “I’m pretty sure those uniforms aren’t supposed to get wet.”

The water splashed into her face and soaked her little jersey. Her shrieks rang over the laughter of the other girls. Screaming like an angry cat, she stood, pulling off her jersey and skirt to reveal a golden string bikini. She tossed her clothes onto a pile of towels near the lounge chairs and bared her teeth.

“Scott Demyan, you are a dead man!”

She launched herself into the water, and he back-paddled out of reach before she came up. They splashed and played for a while, attracting the camera crew as the other girls, and a few of the guys, joined in. Pischlar and Akira were in the water now, which tore his attention away from the fun. Akira was flirting, laughing, which was good. She was showing everyone a side of her that wasn’t afraid, and he liked that a lot. But her smiles seemed a little too bright, and she seemed to be letting Pischlar get a little too close. Scott eased away from the group to watch her as Pischlar picked her up by the hips and tossed her into the water. There, right before she floated back and slid her body up against the man. A tightness around her eyes. The determined set to her lips. She’d gone from a nice steady pace into being comfortable with men to a full-out sprint. Being here would give her and Pischlar plenty of opportunities to be alone. She might take a leap just to prove to herself she could.

And he couldn’t help but feel that would be a really bad idea. She wasn’t ready, and all it would take was one wrong move from Pischlar to trash all the progress she’d made.

But before he could intervene, a heavy hand settled on his shoulder. He glanced back to see Mason shaking his head.

“Leave them for now. I’ll talk to her later. She needs you as a friend—let me be the overprotective one.” Mason gave him a grim smile. “If she decides to go through with this, she’ll need someone to talk to. Since Jami isn’t here, I think that should be you.”

“Got it.” Scott looked back toward Sahara, who had climbed out of the pool and was posing on a lounge chair for the cameras. Behind the man crouching near her feet stood Zach.

Scott’s pulse sped up a notch. Zach must have just finished a photo shoot of his own, because he was wearing the bottom half of his hockey gear, his chest bare and glistening with oil that brought out the shadows and ridges of his bulging muscles. Just the sight of him made Scott’s dick harden and throb. Leaving the pool would give the cameras more of a show than he wanted to. But he couldn’t let Zach just walk away. He had to make every moment they had together count.

“You coming in?” he shouted as he reached the end of the pool closest to where Zach stood. His breath caught as Zach approached him, something in his eyes making Scott feel like he’d just stepped into a lion’s den with raw steak strapped around his waist. He hadn’t seen that look in Zach’s eyes for a very long time. His tone was rough when he spoke again. “I swear, I’ll behave.”

Little creases formed around Zach’s lips as he gave Scott a broad smile. “Really? I’d like to see that.”

“Is that a yes?” Scott rested his forearms on the edge of the pool, caught off-guard by Zach’s smooth reply. So far the man had shut him down at every turn. Maybe Scott was finally getting to him. “It would be cool to just hang out. If . . .” Hell, one of their issues was probably that Zach wouldn’t betray Becky. Scott needed to make sure that Zach knew he that he didn’t expect . . . he sucked in a deep breath and lowered his voice. “Look. What I said before was bullshit. I’m cool with nothing happening while we’re here. I’m not expecting you to do anything without Becky being okay with it. Same in reverse. I’m not trying to come between you.”

“I appreciate that. But Becky’s fine with it.” Zach chuckled as Scott stared at him. The hard glint in Zach’s eyes made him wonder what he was in for. Zach’s next words made it clear it wouldn’t be easy. “I don’t expect you to become a saint, Scott. Doing that would disappoint all your fans anyway. I want to see you having fun here. But not too much fun.”

Scott scowled. Cryptic much? “I didn’t have any orgies planned, if that’s what you’re getting at. I want you and Becky. No one else interests me in the least.”

“I’m happy to hear that. Because this is going to be a very long week for you.”

“Umm . . . what?”

Taking a knee, Zach glanced over at the girls. At the camera crews. Likely making sure no one was within hearing. “You’ve talked a lot about proving yourself, but I’m not convinced. You indulge too often for me to believe you’re waiting on me and Becky.”

“Fuck, I’ve had nothing besides my own hand since . . .” Yeah, probably better not to bring up the guys that had gotten him kicked out of Vanek’s place. “It’s been a while.”

“Yes. I know what the lotion reference means now.” Zach cocked his head, resting his hands on his thighs. “Hand over the lotion tonight. You won’t need it.”

Holy shit! If Zach meant what Scott thought he did—Scott gulped and nodded. “Not a problem. I brought lube too.”

Zach snorted. “How nice for you. But you won’t need that either.”

“Huh?”

“You’ll take what I give you and nothing more.” Zach pushed up to his feet. “Have your fun, but know that if you’re not getting off by my hands, or mouth, or body—you’re not getting off at all.”

Okay, that was just funny. Not a night went by that he didn’t jerk off to release some pressure. It wasn’t the same as enjoying mindless sex, but it fit nicely into his bedtime routine. He laughed. “Listen, buddy. I told you already—you ain’t turning me into your sub. I’m not all that into that shit.”

“I don’t want you to be my sub, Scott. Give me more than words to go on.” Zach glanced at the others again, even though the girls were screaming loud enough to cover anything he said. His jaw hardened. “If you can’t wait for me, you’re not worth my time. Or Becky’s.”

“I have needs, man.” The water around Scott seemed to cool. He wasn’t sure he could pass this little test. Sex was his release. Had been for as long as he could remember. “Isn’t me saying I want no one else enough?”

“No.”

“Then tonight . . .” He could do that. He could hang on a night—maybe two—if Zach wanted him all revved up just for him. The thought alone had him chewing on the inside of his cheek, struggling for control. “Tonight I’ll—”

“Not tonight.” Zach patted his cheek. “I never said this would be easy.”

Try nearly impossible. But Scott simply nodded, shuddering as Zach slid a hand around the back of his neck and tugged his hair, his eyes dark and full of promise. If Scott could do this, he’d be rewarded. And it made him want to try.

Because the reward wasn’t just emptying his sac. Wasn’t just cheap, quick pleasure.

It was something that would last. Something he’d never had.

* * * *

Akira wrapped the big, fluffy white towel around her body, shaking so hard her teeth chattered. Shawn had invited her back to his room for “a nightcap after dinner.” It didn’t really surprise her; she’d practically shoved her willingness down his throat, but she wasn’t feeling it. The only reason she was doing this was because she felt like she had to. Hell, she was practically a born-again virgin. The only time she’d . . . she’d had sex was when those men had ripped into her body on that office floor. She needed to do it again just to prove she could. It shouldn’t be such a big deal. Maybe, once she got it over with, it wouldn’t be.

But she couldn’t be near him now. She needed to get her head on straight first. Remind herself that this was something normal people did.

And she wanted to be normal. She wanted to be like all the other girls hooking up with players tonight. Just having fun—not worrying about the consequences. She was too young to take . . . fucking someone this seriously. Yes, someone touching her body was scary as hell, but Shawn was sweet. Made her feel sexy. She kinda wished she felt more for him, but that didn’t really matter.

Sex on the ‘to do’ list. Sounded about right.

Someone cleared their throat and her blood ran cold, like she’d been caught snatching a chocolate bar at the drugstore. She lifted her head, gaping up at Dominik, sure all her thoughts were printed out in black ink on her face. She couldn’t hide from him. And didn’t really want to.

“What are you doing, little one?”

She shrugged. “Right now? Nothing.”

“You know very well what I mean.”

She did. But going into it felt like talking to her dad—before what happened with his coworkers. At fifteen, she’d missed curfew. Tried smoking. Had a few drinks. She’d been a normal teen, getting in trouble and driving her parents insane. Working for her dad had been a way to make up for all the trouble she’d caused.

And then . . . then she’d been ruined, and she was sure it was her fault. Yeah, she’d had therapy and everything, had been told she wasn’t to blame. But karma came at people in different ways. Her parents were respectable. Responsible. And she hadn’t been.

And you paid for it. No matter what you looked like, those men knew who you really were.

Her mind was a great big jumbled mess. Therapy had worked well enough that she could spot the thoughts that didn’t fit. It wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t asked to be . . . raped. She had a right to keep living. Within reason. Sending out “fuck me” signals wouldn’t help. She really wanted to believe just doing it would get her past that last hurdle, but what if it didn’t? What if it just made the next hurdle bigger? Harder to pass?

Maybe Dominik would understand. That’s why he was here, right? She faced him, her hands fisted around the towel covering her practically naked body. “I have to do this. I have to know I can. Shawn’s been so patient, so understanding. I know you’ve talked to him. He was a good choice.”

“I didn’t choose him for you, pet. I wouldn’t have. Your first time needs to mean something. It won’t with him.” Dominik traced his cold fingers down her cheek, shadows stealing the reflection of the fading sun from his eyes. “I know you want to move on. But take it slow. You’ve been through enough.”

“I brought that on myse—”

“Don’t. You know that’s not true. Maybe blaming yourself will make doing whatever you plan easier, but it’s not helping you.” He moved closer, and she swallowed, overwhelmed by the way her body reacted to him. Heating all over, craving . . . something. “Baby, you’ve finally accepted that you can be aroused by a man. And that it’s not wrong. Don’t cheapen it by taking the first man who comes along into your bed. Sex isn’t something that just happens. It should be special.”

“It isn’t always though. A girl my age should have experiences. Even if she regrets them after.” She turned her head, staring out at the waves slapping the side of the ship, already hating her own words even though she couldn’t keep them from coming out. “If I can just do it . . . if I can have sex and act like it was no big deal—”

“Why would anyone want that? Don’t do this just to prove there’s nothing wrong with you.” Dominik’s tone changed. Became rough as his gaze followed hers to the dark blue depths. “Even if it doesn’t last, there should be no regrets.”

Without thinking, she moved up to him, taking his hands in hers. “I heard that Oriana’s visiting Silver. Have you talked to her?”

He shook his head. A small smile crept over his lips. “Changing the subject again?” He looked past her, stepped away just as a camera flashed, then groaned. “If you want to talk, maybe we can hang out later. I need a break from the vultures.”

She grabbed his arm before he could slip away, something occurring to her that she was surprised she hadn’t thought of earlier. Yeah, talking to Dominik was a bit like talking to a father figure . . . or maybe not. Maybe it was more like talking to a Master. A Master who knew what she needed. She bit her lip, hoping she wasn’t making a mistake.

“Dinner with the group is optional tonight. Maybe we can . . . I mean, I won’t go to Shawn’s room.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll come to yours.”

“You’re welcome to, if you want. Being the captain, I was given my own suite. I can . . .” His words slowed and his eyes narrowed. He’d caught on to what she was implying. “Akira—”

“Just hear me out.” She dug her nails into her palms, squaring her shoulders and jutting her chin up. “You’re my sponsor, right? And you don’t expect anything from me in return. That’s clear. But you’ve also become my mentor, teaching me about the lifestyle, showing me I don’t have to be afraid of who I am.”

“Yes, but there are limits to what I can teach you.” His lips thinned as his gaze passed over her, his eyes hooded, but not enough to hide the hint of interest. “I’m not ready for a relationship, Akira. And neither are you.”

“Exactly. But that’s not what we’ll have.” She wanted to touch him again. If only the camera crews weren’t hovering. Not close enough to hear anything they said, but close enough to snap a shot and make a lot out of nothing. Well, nothing yet. “There are other men I feel safe with, but none of them can do for me what you can. I’d never regret anything with you, because you understand me. You’ll help me get past all the triggers—you’ll catch them before I do. Like you did at the club.”

“You have no idea what you’re asking from me, pet.” Dominik blinked, then shook his head, lips twitching with amusement. “Damn it, I’m already treating you like you’re my sub. This wasn’t my intention, but I shouldn’t be surprised that you’d consider me as someone safe to take the next step with.”

“You came to me. You knew I was about to make a big mistake.” Her cheeks heated as she considered what he’d stopped her from doing. “I-I would have been too embarrassed to come to you after. I wish I’d thought of this sooner.”

“I haven’t said yes, little one.”

“You didn’t say no either.” She wrinkled her nose when he barked out a laugh. “What? It’s true!”

“It is. But I just realized you’re a pushy little brat.” He tapped her chin with a finger. “I’m eager to see how the Dom that claims you after I set you loose handles that.”

She grinned. “That’s a yes.”

He caught her chin in his hand, rolling his eyes at the sporadic flashes. He bent down so she could feel his hot breath on her lips. “That’s a yes. Come to my room in two hours. And you will tell me how your apology to Pischlar went. I won’t have my ‘pupil’ teasing men with what belongs to me.”

Her heart skipped a few beats. She panted. Swallowed hard. “I belong to you?”

“Until I find someone who can appreciate you and care for you . . .” He kissed her cheek, then whispered in her ear. “Yes.”

* * * *

“I don’t see a problem.”

Dominik paced around the small table set up with a fondue pot and a tray with tenderized beef and an assortment of vegetables. Having Akira come to his room for dinner wasn’t an issue. But what she expected from him was.

So he’d called the one woman he’d hoped would understand his misgivings. His only concern was that her long-standing friendship with Sloan might be a conflict of interest. So far, it didn’t seem to be a problem.

But Chicklet was a Domme, first and foremost. She’d approved of his plans for Akira’s birthday.

Since when do you doubt yourself so much that you need another Master’s approval?

It didn’t matter. He did, and she was happy to give it.

“Fuck, Mason. I know it hurts, but what you had with Oriana was exactly this. You prepared her to be with Sloan and Max. The only thing I’m worried about at this point is whether or not you’ll be prepared to let her go when the time comes.”

He winced. That wasn’t how he’d seen his relationship with Oriana. He’d seen a future between the four of them. He hadn’t expected it to be easy, but he’d been prepared to see it through. He’d never loved another woman as much as he loved her.

“I don’t want to talk about Oriana. How would you handle this? I can let her go; that’s not the problem.” He strode up to his bed, sitting heavily and rubbing his temples with the phone propped up to his ear with his shoulder. “What do I do if she gets attached? She’s trusting me to help her through this. I won’t be helping her if she settles on me.”

“She won’t. From what you’ve told me, she knows what she’s getting into. Be her mentor. Use this as a way to get past what you’re going through. Keep an eye out for the man she needs and be happy for her once she finds him.”

“I will be, but I’m still not sure how far I should take this. She’s so fragile . . . I know what she wants. I’m just not sure she’s ready.”

“Bullshit. You know what she’s ready for. What you went through with Oriana is just so fresh, you’re worried that doing anything will be a betrayal. It’s not. I can tell you for a fact that both Max and Sloan are doing everything they can to help her get over you.” She paused. “And I told them both that’s exactly what they have to do. You’ve made a clean break. All that’s left is to let it heal.”

His throat locked. He shouldn’t be all that surprised that Sloan and Max had spoken to her. The way she managed her two subs was something to be emulated. “How is she?”

“She’ll be fine. It’s you I’m worried about.” Chicklet made a sharp sound, hissing through her teeth. “Fuck, this whole situation with Oriana sucks. I wish I’d seen it coming so I could have warned you. But I’m happy you’re talking to me. Because I’m going to do everything I can to get you through this. And finding a new project is a good start.”

“A new project.” He snorted. “That’s one way to put it.”

“You need someone to need you, Mason. Even when you were with Oriana, you still did training scenes at the club. Consider this more of the same.” Her tone took on a playful lilt. “Only more ‘hands on.’”

He laughed, but he liked the idea. Subs came to the club all the time, single women who wanted a taste of submission, but couldn’t find anyone they trusted enough to give it to them. Ramos had handled them before taking on Jami and Carter, but now he had his hands full. Richter was training a few of the younger players who showed an interest in the lifestyle, but none of the rookies had the experience to take charge of vulnerable subs. He did.

Akira would need more attention than most. It would be a challenge to get her past the damage done to her, physically and emotionally. He wasn’t sure he could trust anyone else to do it properly.

“You good?” Chicklet asked, his silence obviously concerning her.

He nodded slowly. “I am. And thank you. I thought coming on this cruise would be a good distraction, but it wasn’t enough. Maybe doing this for her will be.”

After he hung up, he looked around the room, much more comfortable with the setup than he’d been before. One of the most important things he needed to teach Akira was how a Dom should treat her. Granted, scenes at the club wouldn’t always be preceded by romantic diners, but they should always be planned with her needs in mind.

Taking a deep breath, he dragged a charcoal grey armchair across the room, pausing when the scent of heated spices rose from the fondue pot and sent a sharp pang straight into his gut. He’d had a fondue night with Oriana once. She’d stripped the second she’d crossed the threshold, fingering her collar with a small smile on lips glossed with his favorite peach-flavored balm. She’d whispered “Master” before lowering to her knees. She’d stayed in that position while he’d fed her every bite, licking the juices from his fingers and staring up at him with pure worship in her eyes.

But she hadn’t looked at him that way for a very long time.

A soft tap at the door had him setting the memories aside. He focused on what Chicklet had said.

“She needs you.”

Oriana didn’t. Not anymore. But Chicklet was right. He needed someone who did.

Lowering into the armchair, he rested his ankle on his knee, smoothing down the lapels of the black suit he’d kept on after the last photo shoot. He’d never scened with Oriana wearing anything but jeans or leather, and every detail that made what he was doing now different gave him strength. Put him in the mind-set required to train a new sub. He became hyperaware of his surroundings. He’d be just as aware of the slightest cue from her.

“Come in, Akira.” A half-smile crossed his lips as he spoke, his tone level, giving her no way to anticipate what she was getting into. A little uncertainty would be good for her. He kept the smile in place as she stepped into the room, but his tone hardened slightly as he checked his watch. “You’re late.”