37

I swapped my light clothes for a shirt and jacket, and didn’t say goodbye as I left Kenji alone in my room. I left the mansion and drove through the busy city to Matias’s house, hoping to find him still awake. When I entered the loft, I found Matias asleep with the golden light on.

I took off the jacket and turned off the light as I sat on the edge of the bed. Matias didn’t move, and I lay down, feeling his warmth and distinct scent. I brushed my lips against his back and kissed his neck, hugging his waist. My body slowly relaxed.

"Maybe I’m falling in love with you," I whispered, feeling his hair tickling my nose.

"Maybe I already am."

His hoarse voice tearing through the silence made me freeze, and my heart leapt to my mouth. Feeling warm, I grabbed his shirt and hid my face against his skin, still hearing his voice echoing in my thoughts.

***

We woke up early the next morning. Matias did his exercises before the sun came up, and I stayed on the couch eating a bowl of cereal while watching him get sweaty and out of breath. What we confessed last night was lost in the dark, and we were too proud to bring it back.

After breakfast, I helped him with his Academy work. Reviewing his notebooks, he wasn't as bad as I thought. Studying with Matias was different; it was hard to concentrate with his warmth so close and his beautiful lips teasing me to touch them.

"Isn't it better to leave?" he suggested, putting the notebook in his backpack. Matias was already wearing his red uniform and a perfume that made me want to drown in it.

"I asked Shin to take my stuff to the Academy, I still have time," I replied, pulling him onto my lap.

Matias didn't resist, and I smiled with the weight of his body before kissing him slowly. I was lost in his soft mouth, tasting like coffee, when someone knocked on the door. Muttering, Matias got up and headed for the door. I stayed sitting, watching him with my heart fluttering.

The door opened, and I heard murmurs in the distance. Then, Anton entered the apartment carrying a black backpack. His eyes met mine for a second.

"Are you living together now?" he criticized Matias with disgust.

"Don't start," Matias scolded, leading him out of my sight. "I also told you I don't need this," he declared with a distant voice.

"Things are different now," Anton retorted. "And if you still want to live here, you’ll need to listen to her this time."

Matias went silent, and Anton left without looking back. I stood up looking for Matias and found him pushing a small box under the bed. My gaze moved to the holster he was wearing under his Academy blazer and the silver gun he tried to hide.

"Are you carrying a gun now?"

"Thank your little boy for me," he muttered, poking my wound.

"We're not going after you at the Academy, Matias."

"Gabriela’s orders. It's the gun, or I'll have to go back to living in the Lily area," he explained, still annoyed. "But I won't use it if that bothers you," he said, heading to the kitchen for a drink.

"Can I ask a question?"

"You want to know if I’ve used it?"

"No! And I don't want to think about it," I hurriedly declared.

"What is it?" he prompted, drinking his water.

"Have you thought about what you’d do if Lily didn’t exist?" I asked, feeling something uncomfortable in my chest.

"Are you asking me about college?" he questioned, raising a dark eyebrow.

I stared at him, uneasy. I felt stupid for bringing it up and for letting Bervely bother my thoughts for so long.

"I wanted to study Literature and work at a big publishing house. I thought it would be interesting," he revealed thoughtfully, catching me by surprise.

"Sounds like it would suit you," I commented, imagining him at college.

"But I’ll do Business and Finance like my mom," he told me, not hiding his discouragement. "And you, what would you like to do?" he asked, his voice full of expectation, making my heart stop.

I swallowed hard, caught in his brown eyes. With every second that passed, I felt more anxious. All I wanted was Hebi, nothing more, nothing less. That was my fate, my only path to follow, but for some reason, I felt embarrassed that this was the only dream living inside me.

"Ryuuji?" he called.

"It's getting late, I better go," I said, looking for my sneakers. Confused, Matias did the same, still paying attention to me.

"Want a ride?" he asked as we left his apartment.

"You know they might see us at this hour," I said, sending him a half-smile. "I'll see you at the Academy," and I left the building heading to my car.

When I arrived at the Academy, I found Shin waiting for me in the locker room with my backpack and a clean uniform.

"Kenji told me," he interrupted our silence as he watched me change clothes. "That you told your dad you’re gay," he explained, and I nodded calmly.

"You were right, I should’ve told him sooner."

"And how did you feel?"

I buttoned up my shirt, listening to the sounds of footsteps and conversations in the hallway.

"I'm still not sure," I confessed, sitting next to him, swapping my sneakers for black leather dress shoes.

"I also know about Hataki wanting your boyfriend in Hebi."

"That’s not going to happen," I replied, shrugging.

"Do you think he wouldn’t fit in?" he asked, not hiding his curiosity.

I laughed, finishing tying my shoelaces. With a long sigh, I turned in his direction.

"No, he'd do just fine in our life, but he’d never accept it. It’s complicated," I warned, noticing that his wounds had disappeared, leaving his skin as smooth as marble. "And how is dating Artemis?" I asked, stealing a shy smile from him.

"She’s pretty bossy, but I like it a lot," he commented, lost in thought. "I also like the way the guys look at me for having what they wanted so badly," he boasted, biting his lip.

"Little devil," I murmured, pushing my knee against his.

"I don’t mind bringing him to Hebi," he warned, returning to the topic.

I lowered my gaze to his lips, once again wondering how he’d react if he knew the guy we were talking about was Matias Sánchez. No matter how much Shin and Kenji loved me, they wouldn’t accept it. They wouldn’t support me.

"I know you wouldn't," I whispered, leaning in his direction. Shin closed his eyes when I kissed his soft cheek and then the corner of his lips. "Let’s go to class," I called, intertwining his fingers with mine and pulling him out of the locker room.