Chapter 23: Dilemma

"You can tell me what's bothering you?" Amna asked again, seeing Sheharzaad poking the fork around her food. She hadn't even had a bite since the time food was served to her. Amna had observed that something was bothering Sheharzaad. And just like other times, Sheharzaad wasn't letting her know. This was Sheharzaad. She had always been like that. It was one of her traits to never let anyone know the whirlwind she was facing. Apparently, she would not express what was bothering her, but the way she would act always gave Amna a clue that something was going on with her friend. And Amna would force her to open up, making her reach her limit, so in the end, Sheharzaad had to tell everything to Amna.

But since Amna's cancer diagnosis, Sheharzaad kept a lot of things to herself rather than sharing them with Amna. She feared that any form of stress might harm Amna.

"It's nothing, siso," Sheharzaad looked up and smiled at her. A smile that failed to reach her eyes. And Amna was quick to spot that. She wasn't going to be deceived by her smile.

"As if I don't know you," Amna stated and took a spoon of her food. Amna had made Chinese food for her and Sheharzaad today. As Sheharzaad dealt with office work and supported the finances, Amna would take care of the kitchen. They both didn’t have money to hire a house help, so both of them had to play a role in making the house function. Amna, despite being ill, did her part. And sometimes, Amna's fiancé Ahmed would visit and help her with household chores while Sheharzaad would be at the office, earning a living for the family. They both just had each other in this world. Actually, Sheharzaad had Amna as her only relation in this world. Amna had Sheharzaad, as well as Ahmed. And Amna gave both of them equal importance. Ahmed and Sheharzaad were two major pillars of Amna's life; otherwise, she would have been on the streets. Or worse, dead from the cancer that was slowly taking her life.

"Nothing, just office being too hectic for me," Sheharzaad lied. It wasn't just work on her mind. A lot of things apart from work had been weighing heavily on her shoulders.

"Is there someone bothering you?" Amna asked.

Sheharzaad wasn't surprised at the ability of her friend to read her.

Yes.

Exactly.

There was someone who was bothering Sheharzaad.

But... Amna couldn’t know the whole story.

"Where did that come from? Nobody is bothering me. No one dares," Sheharzaad said smugly to lighten the atmosphere.

"Are you sure?" Amna questioned, since her friend's response didn’t satisfy her.

"Where is that coming from, Amu?" Sheharzaad gave her an incredulous look and took a spoonful of her food. She had to make Amna believe that there was no one bothering her. Because if Amna didn’t believe her words, she might get stressed and force the story out of her. The truth would only make Amna more stressed, and then it would lead to her blaming herself. And Sheharzaad didn’t want that. Stress was harmful to Amna.

"I don't know... it's just that there is something wrong with you," Amna said.

"Oh my God! Amna! Are you crazy? Why would someone bother me? I’m just fine," Sheharzaad passed Amna a cheeky smile, showing her teeth. Amna somewhat believed her response.

"Aha, that’s my shehar. Now eat your food before I eat yours. You know I’m a foodie," Amna joked, giving her a wink when Sheharzaad pulled her plate toward herself, hiding it from Amna.

"Vice versa, siso," She answered, giving her a wink too, and they both laughed, getting engaged in their usual silly conversations.

They were having their dinner when suddenly Amna began to cough violently. Her whole body began to jolt with each violent cough, and what Sheharzaad saw next made her heart shatter into pieces. Blood was spurting out with every cough.

It meant her condition was deteriorating.

"Give me my... (cough)... medicine, medi... (cough) cine," Amna said with difficulty, and Sheharzaad rushed to retrieve her medicines. She swallowed the tablets, and after a while, her incessant coughs ceased. Sheharzaad put her to bed and was about to leave when Amna called her.

"Yes, Amna?" She asked, worriedly.

"Bury me next to my grandmother," her lifeless eyes requested.

Sheharzaad's heart broke into pieces. Tears rushed to her eyes, making her throat clog. She tried to control her tears, but she couldn’t. She felt so helpless.

"Please don’t say this. I just have you in this whole world," she cried out.

Amna smiled at her. "I don’t want to be a burden on you, Sheharzaad. Stop gathering money for me. Nothing can undo death."

"Nothing can, but if that were the case, then there would have been no need for doctors. Don’t lose hope. The Almighty is merciful."

Amna again gave her a smile. "He is indeed. He says in the Quran, 'And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him,'" she said, with tears in her eyes. "I have hope in my God, but... but I don’t want to be a burden on you." The tears flowed down her face.

Sheharzaad's face was drenched with her tears. She had never seen Amna crying, and now, the tears flowing down her face were breaking Sheharzaad's heart. It meant Amna was broken, too broken from the inside. Her heart was wounded badly.

"You are not a burden on me. I’m just paying you back. You gave me a place to live when I had no home to go to. I’m just paying you back, Amna. Trust me."

"Thank you, Sheharzaad," she uttered, and her eyes began to close as she felt sleep overtaking her.

Sheharzaad cried the whole night. Not for a second did she stop. Tears kept flowing from her eyes, nonstop. Shehryaar's words kept repeating in her mind. On one hand, she had Amna’s life, and on the other, she had her dignity. And time was short. Too short. Death was approaching. But the thing was, she didn’t know whose death it would be.

Amna's... or hers?

She would have to sell her body, her soul, to save her friend's life.