Chapter 10

Despite her best efforts, Carissa couldn’t keep her tears at bay, and the second she was alone in her car, the dam broke. Between her fight with Danny last night, her father pulling his usual crap, and then being flat-out rejected by Bradley, she’d had enough. How had her life become such a mess?

When she’d moved into the residence hall as a freshman, she was so hopeful and excited. She was finally out of her parents’ house and had some independence. She was rooming with her best friend. The world had been at her fingertips. And then she’d met Danny, and for a while, life had been perfect.

But then she got pregnant, and her world crumbled around her. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to rebuild her life. Every time she tried, something else would come along and knock it all back down.

She pulled into a designated parking lot and found an empty spot, but she didn’t rush to get out of the car. Instead, she rested her forehead on the steering wheel and focused on her breathing. Eventually, her tears stopped.

Yanking the keys from the ignition, she dropped them into her purse and grabbed the door handle. Before she could get the door open, though, her phone dinged with a message. For a brief second, she contemplated ignoring it, but she wasn’t quite ready to face Tiffany just yet. Her friend would demand to know what was wrong, and Carissa didn’t want to relive the events of the past twenty-four hours.

She swiped her thumb across the screen and opened her messages.

Bradley: I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.

Carissa rolled her eyes. Don’t be mad? Was he for real? How would he react if he’d tried to kiss her, and she’d pulled away in disgust? Okay, so maybe he hadn’t been disgusted, but he’d still rejected her in a vulnerable moment.

Bradley: You left before I could finish what I was saying…

Bradley: When you end things with Danny, I’ll be here.

Wait… what? She re-read his message before the meaning finally sunk in. Should she be happy about this? The idea of being with Bradley was certainly intriguing, and she’d be a liar if she tried to deny having thought about it, but she loved Danny. They’d been together for almost a year. Could she really risk throwing that away for a guy she barely knew? What if Bradley turned out to be a freak? Or a bigger jerk than Danny on his worst day?

Dropping her phone into her purse, she shoved open the car door and climbed out. She’d barely taken half a dozen steps when footsteps sounded behind her.

“Carissa!”

She stopped and turned.

Danny jogged toward her. “Hey.” He came to a stop in front of her. “Can we talk?”

Crossing her arms over her chest, she shifted on her feet and averted her gaze. She didn’t have the emotional strength for this right now, but she knew Danny, and he wouldn’t give up until she talked to him.

“Things got out of hand last night,” he said.

“You think?”

Danny sighed, but he didn’t immediately snap back at her like she thought he would. “I’m sorry I said the things I did.” He gingerly reached for her hands and held them in his. “I love you, Carissa, and the only thing I want in this entire world is to be with you.”

Her throat burned with the sting of fresh tears, and she bit the inside of her cheek to hold them back.

“I royally fucked up, and I know that, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.” He squeezed her hands and moved a little closer. “We made so many plans for our future, and I still want all of that. Can you forgive me?”

All the fight seeped from her bones, and she let out a heavy breath, her shoulders slumping with the effort of releasing all the pent-up anger that had been brewing inside of her.

“I’m sorry, too,” she whispered.

Danny enveloped her in a hug, and she rested her head on his shoulder, taking comfort in the familiarity of his embrace. They stood there for a few moments, neither of them speaking, and she was transported back to when they’d first gotten together, when things were easy and fun. She longed for those days.

“I did a lot of thinking last night,” he said, holding her out at arm’s length. “And you were absolutely right. We’re not in any position to have a baby right now. I promise I won’t bring it up again.”

“Thank you.”

“But make no mistake, Carissa. I still want a future with you, no matter what that looks like.” He moved his hands up to cradle her face, and then he brushed his lips softly over hers.

Her eyes fluttered closed, and she leaned into him, welcoming his kiss.

“I love you so much,” he whispered against her mouth. “Thank you for giving me another chance.”

She nodded, her mind spinning from the rollercoaster of emotions she’d been on the past few days.

“How did Sunday dinner go?” he asked.

“About the same as always. Dad is being Dad again. Today, though, I actually stood up for myself, and I left early without bothering to say goodbye to anyone.” She stopped short of spilling the truth about Bradley and her humiliating encounter with him.

Danny laughed. “Good for you.”

She grinned. “It did feel good to tell him to knock it off.” She laughed, too, and even more of the weight and sadness lifted from her shoulders. “Though, I do regret not getting a chance to eat.”

“C’mon.” He wrapped his arm around her. “I’ll take you out to eat. Anywhere you want to go.”

“You might regret saying that.” She playfully nudged his hip with hers. “I’m starving, so I’m going to eat a lot.”

“Bring it on,” he said, leading her toward his SUV.

***

Carissa stood in line with the rest of her pledge class and yawned. She’d spent all day—and most of last night—with Danny, and she’d had a great time. Even though they didn’t talk about any of their issues or work anything out, being with him had felt so much like old times. For a while, she’d been able to forget all of their problems. When she finally dragged herself into her room at 11:57 p.m., she’d collapsed into bed.

And then was promptly woken up at 5:15 a.m. by a text from Mallory. Pledges were required to be present at TOP at 8:00 a.m. sharp. Lateness wouldn’t be tolerated. Why Mallory had to send the announcement so damn early was a mystery to Carissa, but once she was awake, she hadn’t been able to fall back asleep. Now, she was about as functional as a zombie on downers, and she had no idea how she was going to make it through all her classes.

“Good morning, ladies.” Mallory walked the length of the line, pivoted on her heel, and walked back.

“Good morning,” they all mumbled in unison.

Carissa yawned again.

“I’m sorry.” Mallory stopped and tilted her head. “Did you ladies say something?”

“Good morning,” they all said louder and with slightly more enthusiasm.

Mallory smiled. “Better.” She held her hand out, and Amber placed a large manilla envelope in her palm. Amber set a tote bag on the floor near Mallory’s feet, then stepped back, out of the way.

The same sense of unease from their first pledge meeting returned, and Carissa’s stomach twisted. She was suddenly wide awake, though, and alert to whatever task they’d have to complete today.

“Core trait number four. What is it?” Mallory tapped her chin, then pointed the envelope at a girl standing near the end of the line. “Ella?”

“Um…” She hesitated. “Always own your choices.” Ella phrased the answer as more of a question, and Carissa held her breath, wondering if there’d be consequences for not knowing what core trait number four was. Admittedly, she didn’t know, either.

“Yes.” Mallory smiled again. “As a TOP sister, we always own every choice we make. We don’t blame others for what we do, nor do we deny a choice we’ve made, even if it happens to be a bad one.”

Carissa shifted on her feet and sliced a look at Tiffany, who was giving her undivided attention to Mallory. Tiffany hung on the president’s every word, her face lit up with excitement. Of course her friend would be excited—she didn’t have to worry about upsetting a boyfriend with silly sorority tasks.

“Friday night, you all made a choice,” Mallory said as she resumed pacing. “We gave you a task, and you all chose to complete it. You chose which of our lucky gentlemen you’d kiss. And you chose how to make that happen.”

Oh, shit. This was not going to be good. The knot in Carissa’s stomach tightened painfully, and she had to force herself to remain upright when all she really wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position and go to sleep.

“Today, you have another choice. You can choose to own your decisions from Friday night, or you can choose to walk out the front door.” Mallory pointed at the door to emphasize her point. “So, ladies, what will you choose?”

No one moved.

“Wonderful.” Mallory clapped. “Part of owning your choices is in how you stand behind them.” She glanced over her shoulder and nodded at Amber.

Amber retrieved the tote bag and moved to stand at the end of the line near Ella. Amber wore a mischievous grin.

“At TOP, we never shame, judge, or belittle any woman for what she chooses to do in her personal time, or who she chooses to do it with. As a result, ladies of TOP do not ever do a walk of shame. Oh, no.” Mallory shook her head and wagged her perfectly manicured finger. “We do the stride of pride.”

Carissa sucked in a sharp breath.

“Amber, if you will.” Mallory waved her hand at Amber.

Amber proceeded to hand Ella a white T-shirt. “Don’t unfold it,” she instructed, then worked down the line until every pledge had a shirt. “Okay, now you may look.”

Carissa unfolded her shirt and held it out in front of her so she could get a good look. Across the front in purple and gold lettering were the words, Annual Theta Omega Pi Stride of Pride. Her name was embroidered in the upper left corner. Okay, this isn’t so bad. She turned the shirt around to see what, if anything, was on the back, and she instantly felt the color drain from her face.

The picture she’d texted to Mallory, the one where Carissa was kissing Bradley’s cheek, was printed on the back of the shirt. Other pledges laughed or commented on the quality of the photo. Carissa, however, slowly lowered the garment and stared at her sorority president. Mallory wasn’t seriously going to make Carissa wear this, was she?

“Alright, ladies. Put those shirts on, and let’s go.” Mallory clapped again. “We’re going to go out there”—she once again pointed toward the door—“and do the stride of pride straight into the quad. We’re going to show everyone that we’re not ashamed of our choices.”

Tiffany gently elbowed Carissa and whispered, “You okay?”

Carissa blew out a breath. Her only saving grace was that Danny didn’t have a class until early afternoon, which meant he wouldn’t be on campus right now. Maybe she could complete the task and burn this shirt before he ever found out.

Finally, she nodded, and Tiffany smiled.

Here goes nothing. Carissa removed her lightweight, short-sleeve sweater and yanked the T-shirt on in its place. She adjusted the shoulders and pulled the hem down. The size was a perfect fit, and the material was rather comfortable. If she concentrated hard enough, she might be able to forget that she was wearing a photo of her glaring infidelity on her back.

“Oh, and there’s one more thing.” Mallory opened the envelope she’d been holding and slipped out a small stack of paper. “You’ll need to recite this as we walk.” She passed each pledge a single sheet.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Carissa mumbled under her breath as she scanned the printed words.