Chapter 58 Chapter 58 Not The Christmas Present I Want
Dimitri is sitting on the window seat across from me, it's nice to get him out of the suit. He is wearing jeans and a sweater, we watch the snow pile outside while we sip on hot cocoa. I went to see a ENT for my throat, I am not to speak for at least a week. They gave me some crap to drink, Mason damaged some of my vocal cords. By talking I've made them worse, my voice could be permanently damaged. We are spending a few days at Gemma's "cabin", I asked Dimitri if he wanted time off, I am safe here but he refused. We are going to share the attic.
Everyone is sitting around talking about what they want for Christmas, unrealistic things are mentioned like world peace. They come around to me, I use sign language to say "I want someone to love that won't leave a hole in my heart". Dimitri knows ASL, his face saddens.
"What did she say?" asks Tish.
"Ahhh, I am not going to translate that!" he says brushing his hand against mine but I pull away.
"Is there something you don't know how to do?" asks Matt playfully while he plays with Hope's hair. They look so cute together.
The front door opens and my mood worsens. Fucking Gemma, she not only invited Alek, Sergey and his damn wife are here too. I hear them take their boots off and come walking in the living room. Matt is still waiting for my answer. I sign: I don't know how to keep a guy around.
"That was too fast, one more time?" asks Dimitri.
"She said she doesn't know how to keep a guy around!" says Sergey.
I sign: Asshole.
"I understood that!" Tish jumps up and down."She called you asshole!" she beams.
Dimitri signs: Call Ivan, he would be here in an hour, you always have him.
I scoff, rolling my eyes and shaking my head.
I sign: Ivan knows where I am at, he loves me but he doesn't want a relationship. He wants to be married. That one loves me but he is engaged to the lunatic that tried to poison me. Sergey loves me but he married someone, it hasn't even been a year since we broke up. Mason cheats, George cheats, those are just from the past year: I pause giving myself a break: He should have killed me not left me for dead.
"That last bit, seriously! Don't ever fucking say that!"
A soft buzzing sound breaks up our stare down. I look over at Sergey, his wife sitting on his lap holding his hand. He looks down and I feel like fucking puking, why would Gemma do this to me? I look over at her.
"Ha-ha, that's for making me lose ten grand!" she laughs. "Fucking Ivan, "Second Rule"!"
I get on my phone and make the transfer back to her, I don't want her money if she is going to torture me this way. "Does it matter how they say it when they are fucking telling a lie anyway!" my voice is so deep, speaking hurts like I swallowed glass shards.
Dimitri is talking in Bulgarian, from the tone of his voice I can tell it's Ivan.
"You are not supposed to be talking!" scolds Gemma. "I don't want the fucking money back!"
I flip her off and take my focus back on Dimitri. He talks to me in Bulgarian pulling the phone away from his ear, I hear Ivan yelling.
"He is asking about you and Mason, he saw the news...then he asked why I am here, he told me not to touch you..."
I sign: Ask him who he is fucking.
Dimitri laughs and tells Ivan what I said. "He says that is not important and if I touch you he is going to cut the crest from my neck."
I snatch the phone from his hand. "Dimitri is here to protect me from Mason, who almost fucking killed me. We are not sleeping together and even if we were, it's not your fucking business. You know why, so don't call acting like a little mafia prince throwing tantrums. Go back to fucking Vladimira or Yulia. Don't fucking call him and threaten him."
"Spot talking, you are going to damage your voice!" says Erika looking at me sideways while her and Kyle play some card game.
I hand the phone back to Dimitri and finish off my drink. I hop up and head out of the living room, chatter starts back up as I put my winter coat on. Boots on and out the door I am. Walking across the driveway I fall back in the three feet of snow. Chunks of snowflakes fall over my face, each one stinging me like a needle. The last time I was in this snow, I was on top of Sergey, I can still feel the softness of his cashmere sweater on my finger tips, the way his lips feel against mine. The cold air numbs my face, my lungs feel like they are freezing with each breath I take. What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I so depressed? Telling Dimitri all my darkest thoughts, I feel foolish.
Soft footsteps get louder as they get closer, the snow screaming underneath boots.
I sign: I'm fine. I promise to come in before frostbite takes any important body parts.
"Why are you out here sulking like a child?"
My eyes fly open, Sergey stands above me.
I stand up and head for the house but stop. "Fuck you! You broke my heart you asshole, I spent months depressed sleeping with that stupid ring." my laugh comes out more like a crackle. "and just when I broke down and was looking at plane tickets....you....you posted a picture with her. Then I realized how stupid I had been, then I watched the fight in Germany and you were engaged. Once more the gaping hole you left, opened up, I almost chucked the ring off of my cousin's balcony. The only reason why I have it still is to remind myself not to fall that hard ever again. It hurts like fucking hell still. Everytime I see you the wounds open up!"
My voice is almost gone, I have exhausted my vocal cords. "Why are you here...with your wife?"
Sergey grabs me, his lips on mine...my body betrays me, melting into him, returning the kiss for a brief moment. I shove him away the instant reality hit me and slap his face as hard as I can.
"I love you!" he whispers holding his face.
The tears start, I feel the knot in my throat form. I am back on that floor watching the sun move across the sky through wet eyes. The day he left, the day he put the gaping hole in my chest. I turn and run in the house, leaving the door open, I run up three flights of stairs and slam the door of the attic.