Chapter 66

ANNA.

I decline the call from Sean the fifth time and step on the gas. Neil said to meet up with him at the mall. I’ve decided to return to work tomorrow. I’m recovered and ready to move on to the next phase of my life. I’m considering moving out as well, but baby steps.

Another notification of a voicemail message has me looking at the screen. Sean. I’ve received a lot of those in the last couple of days, and I’ve aired every message. Sometimes, I find myself wanting to take his calls, listen to his excuses, lies and false promises, but I know it I’ll need to ignore them if I really wish to do what’s best for Finn and I. If I want to heal.

I mean to delete the message, but I hit the play button. Sean’s voice resounds in my speaker and my body locks down on itself. “Anna, baby, please. Pick up, let’s talk. I can’t believe you changed the locks. He put you up to it, didn’t he? Mr. O’Connor, he’s brainwashing you, and…and he’s trying to cause a rift between us. You won’t let him, will you? I love you, Anna. I do, and these past few weeks have been so difficult. Let’s work things out. I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time—”

I silence the message before it becomes too hard to breathe. I repeat the sentences that have become my mantra over the past couple of days in my head. “Don’t let him in. He’ll hit you again. He’ll never respect or love you like you deserve to be loved. Sean lies. All Sean knows is to give hurt. Don’t yield to him.”

I kill the engine in the parking lot, leaning out of my chair to look at my hair and fix my makeup. I step out, adjusting my skirt and blouse, and I shut the car, hurrying into the elevator.

My phone rings, and I pull it to my ear, smiling. “Hey, where are—”

“Third floor,” he grumbles. “The cloth section. Hurry, before they force me to put on a dress and heels.”

I giggle, terminating the call, and I hit the third button, clicking the floor with my heels, humming to myself. The elevator dings at my destination, and I push off the wall, heading out. One foot out, and there’s a man and woman kissing by the wall, the woman in a cashmere coat, hair tumbling down her shoulders and wrapped around the male’s fingers as he shoves his tongue down her throat.

Usually, I’d walk away, rolling my eyes. But the thing is I can’t. The shirt the man is putting on, it’s oddly familiar.

Last year, for Sean’s birthday, I’d gotten him a white customized Ralph Lauren, with a cute little ‘S’ on the tip of the collar. That’s what I’m staring at right now, and my fingers twitch. My throat closes. My mouth dries. My heart plummets.

The woman pulls back, and I fall back a step. Sarah? I wouldn’t have recognized her at first glance. She looks different in those clothes. Younger. Prettier. Like the mistress usually does. Because she’s the one who gets everything the wife suffers for.

I’m moving before even realizing it, and Sarah looks in my direction, and her eyes widen. She tries to push my wonderful off her, but he’s too busy kissing her neck, murmuring something in her ears that I’m too far to pick up.

“An—Anna,” she stutters, slapping at Sean’s arm.

Sean groans against her skin. “Told you not to talk about her when we’re together. I love you. I’ll leave her soon, like I promised. I just need to get—”

“She’s here!” Sarah yells in a hushed whisper, and Sean’s back turns rigid, his muscles jerking as he whirls just in time to feel my palm hit his cheek so hard, it sounds like a whip cracked. The floor falls silent and eyes fall on us.

“Your assistant? Really?” I’m laughing hysterically, and everyone must think I’ve lost my mind. But I have, for several days now. I must have truly lost it if I thought he could never cheat on me. My gaze shifts to Sarah who takes a step behind him, and I am surprised to not feel even an ounce of bitterness towards her.

She’s not the one who took him away from me. She couldn’t possibly have if he was really mine all along. Yes, I feel betrayed. Disappointment. Anger, so much of it, it makes my insides feel like ice. I feel resentment too, but all of these things are directed at Sean. She’s not even important enough to elicit a single emotion from me apart from embarrassment. For every time I had her check in on him at work. To check if my husband who wasn’t taking my calls was alright. If he’d had lunch. If he’d fallen asleep on his desk again.

His desk? I wonder if they had sex on his desk too.

"Anna, let me--" My fist is swinging before I can even think, and his head snaps right before I can hear him tell me that he can explain. Before he can embarrass me even further and make a fool of me and our marriage.

"How long?" I ask, my pitch rising and my voice breaks. "No, don't bother. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon as well."

I let out a breath, angling my head as I looked at the both of them. I scoff, patting down my skirt. "Come by later to pick your things from the apartment. I'll put them out."

"Hear me out, Anna," Sean says, a tinge of desperation entering his voice as I start to turn away. I tilt my head to really look at him. I feel so much anger, I could kill him in cold blood if I wanted to. I stifle it, even if I know I'll need to vent out soon and I crack a smile. "Coming from your current CFO, you're fired. Just you, Sean."

Sean blinks. "You can't do that. Our work is separate from our marriage, Anna."

I grin sadistically. "I can, and I will. Want to keep your job, write me a letter and state several reasons why it's okay for a married worker to have an affair with his subordinate. I'm sure you'll find it somewhere."

He grabs my arm, his eyes wide. "I know you're mad. I know you're angry, and I know this is all my fault, but that job is all I have. If I get fired from Spears, no company out there will give me another job. This is no joke."

I giggle, patting his hand softly. "You sure you don't have other things to worry about, my love?"

His brows furrow, and to clarify, I add, "Divorce, Sean. We should get divorced so you can spend the rest of your life with the woman you really love, not so?"

"No."

"I change my mind. I can't let you have everything. You'll get a call from my lawyer to discuss my terms. fifty percent seems a tad too small a compensation for everything you've put me through. I'll take everything, Sean. Everything you have and cherish, and then, we'll see if she remains with you after that." My gaze flicks to a trembling Sarah and I pout. "That's a pretty coat. A gift from my husband, I suppose?"

She is unable to meet my eyes, and I sigh, glancing back at Sean. "I'll be expecting your...essay tomorrow as well. Have a good day."

I yank my hand back from him and walk away, lips quivering. I hear soft, light steps behind me, and Neil's cologne teases my nostrils. I look back, teary-eyed, and his eyes soften. "You handled it very well, Brianna."

I look ahead, sniffling. When we're on the opposite side of the vast floor with little eyes on us, I pause in my walk and wipe my chin. "You called me up here to see that?"

"No, I was seated over there, bored as hell, and then I heard your voice. I'm sorry you had to find out that way. No one des--"

"I'd rather not talk about it. Not right now at least. Makes me feel like shit, and I didn't dress up to feel this way today."

Neil nods. "What do you want to do?"

"Make out in the dressing room," I say without hesitation and grip his wrist, pulling him forward as I twist the doorknob behind me. He doesn't resist, for one, and I know it's absolutely crazy, but I'd rather not think about Sean buying another woman a Cashmere jacket when he pretty much called me a leech and wouldn't even give me anything to feed myself and Finn with. I'd rather not think about the fact that he'd clearly said in his voicemail message that he loved me. He even called me 'baby', and there he was, telling his secretary that he loved her and that he would leave me for her.

The door closes behind Neil and my lips crash into his wildly. He grips my ass, swiveling and I gasp into his mouth when my back hits the door, hard. Neil's fist rams into the door beside me as he groans, tongue delving deeper into my mouth, knowing me, tasting me. I moan, fingers grasping desperately at his chest, and I sigh feverishly when I feel his skin, warm against my fingertips.

His fingers are suddenly under my shirt, rising up with startling expertise to cup my breasts in his large hands. He groans, squeezing them through my bra, and I jerk when his thumbs graze my nipples and he pinches them hard.

My hormones have been haywire since the miscarriage, and now my nipples are hurting and perking. It makes the sensation even more sensitive than usual and I stifle a cry as my back arches, my breasts heavy with an ache that needs to be soothed right now.

"Please," I murmur against his mouth, and his mouth drops down to my neck, his hands leaving my breasts to yank my skirt up. Something rips, but I find that I don't care. Not as he reaches between my thighs and his fingers part my folds.

I stand on the tip of my toes, sweating and panting, and as his finger glides across, I am stunned at how wet I find myself. My panties feel like I peed on them. He pushed It aside roughly, playing along my entrance, and he sucks in a sharp breath as a finger pushes into me.

My knees buck and Neil cusses softly, holding me to him very gently, like I'm something special as another finger enters me. Tears sting at my eyes. It's been a while since Sean and I had sex, though it's not been very long, but I can't remember the last time I've been held with such care.

It startles me enough to have me turn cold.

Neil senses it almost immediately, and he stops kissing me, his brilliant blue eyes finding mine. "Too much?"

That he even noticed something was wrong has me feeling like tearing up again. Sean never noticed, and right after, he would roll to the side and sleep off without holding or touching me.

"A little," I say, choking on a sob.

Neil lowers his mouth to mine and he kisses me until I can no longer remember why I was sad. He kisses me until I have no breath left to give. He kisses me until my insides squeeze around his fingers, and he doesn't stop until my body shudders violently against him, his fingers pumping into me slowly until the spasms stop. Until I can hear the world around me again. Until I can breathe, think and see things clearly again.

He pulls out of me then, and instinctively, I reach for his belt buckle. But Neil pulls away swiftly, grabbing my fingers. He kisses my fingertips. "Not yet."

"Why?" I ask, unable to comprehend the possibility of a man saying no to pleasure. I'm much used to the concept of give and take. It's all I've come to learn under Sean's tutelage.

"I'm not going to have sex with you until you're ready, Brianna. I'll be here for as long as you need to use me to get through this. I'll give you all that I can. Take what you must, if it'll help you heal. But when we do have sex, you will not be thinking of getting rid of the anger in your heart. You will not be thinking of Sean at all. Just me." He kisses my cheek softly, and my thoughts flee from my brain when he brings his fingers to his lips and sucks on them.

He smirks when I swallow, suddenly hungry for things I cannot describe, and he straightens. "I'll be outside."