Chapter 44

My Sub-for-Santa drop off takes place at seven a.m. The girls' mother wants to hide the toys before her daughters wake up. When I return, filled with a sense of elation and excitement, I take Andy for a short two-mile jog.

When I drop her off at the house to run another three miles, she glares at me.

“You couldn't do more than two and a half miles yesterday. Be patient, we'll work up to more, okay?”

She drops her head on her paws and exhales dramatically. What a diva!

By the time I return home and shower, it's nine a.m. I spend twenty minutes picking up the gift I thought of for Luke. I'm proud of my idea, but a little nervous he won't understand it. I wrap the presents I picked for Amy and Chase, and do the best I can with Luke's oddly shaped present. I spend the rest of the morning making sugar cookies for tonight's party at Addy's house. I've made and taken sugar cookies on Christmas Eve for a decade.

I glance at my clock. Fifteen until noon. I have just enough time to meet Luke over at his drop-off. I text him.

I'LL MEET YOU AT YOUR DROP OFF?

He replies immediately. LUNCH AFTER?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR KIDDOS? I ask.

MY COUSIN HAS THEM UNTIL TWO.

I THOUGHT AMY WAS GOING?

Three little dots. I wait. THEN I FOUND OUT YOU WERE GOING, AND I WANTED MORE TIME WITH YOU. WITHOUT MUNCHKINS. I MAY HAVE BRIBED THEM WITH PEPPERMINT ICE CREAM. I'M NOT ASHAMED.

My smile is so wide, my mouth starts to hurt, but I don't want to seem too eager. I'LL MEET YOU AT THE DROP OFF AND WE CAN SEE FROM THERE.

Let him think he'll have to convince me.

I park behind his truck, and when I hop out of my car, Luke jumps out of his as well. He's wearing a brown leather jacket over a golden polo shirt and dark jeans. I almost forget to grab the wrapped horse, I'm so distracted by his presence.

He waits for me to reach him and snags my hand. “Uh, how are we going to carry all these presents while holding hands?”

Luke takes my face in his hands and kisses me softly. “Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But only for a moment.”

We carry the boxes inside one at a time. I notice several of the boxes are addressed to the parents, and I'm even more impressed by Luke's generosity. He must have a lot of expenses, what with his upcoming move, and Christmas for his own children, but he's gone above and beyond anyway.

Once we're done, the father in the family rushes over and hugs me, his eyes watery. “Thank you, muchas gracias. Díos te bendiga.”

“You're welcome,” I say. “We're happy to help.”

Luke takes my hand to walk me back to my car, and this time I don't pull away. “You never answered. Do you have time for lunch?”

“Sure,” I say. “As long as we're fast.”

He beams. “Pick the place. Anything's fine with me.”

“How about Boston Market?” I ask.

His eyebrows rise. “I give you carte blanche, and you pick a fast food place?”

I shrug. “I love their food at the holidays. Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, and yams. Cinnamon apples, and best of all, their cornbread.”

He pulls me in for a hug. “Boston Market it is, then.”

We drive over separately since we arrived that way. Luke and I walk through the line and tell them what we want, and then we carry our trays over to an empty table. There aren't too many people in here on Christmas Eve.

“I know it's Christmas, but is there any chance me and the kids can come by tomorrow?” Luke asks. “I know it's a busy day, but we'd all love to see you. In fact, Amy packed a bag this morning. She informed me that when I leave for my new job, she's going to stay with you.”

I shake my head. “No, she didn't say that.”

Luke purses his lips and exhales. “She did indeed.”

“Well, I'm sorry she's giving you a hard time. I know I was rough on you before, but I promise I won't encourage that kind of nonsense.”

“I know you won't. But she helped me pick something for you, and we'd love to come and drop it off. We can be fast if you're super busy.”

I grin. “I've got something for you guys, too. Nothing big, and I really hope you're not upset when you see what I bought for the kiddos.”

He shakes his head. “As long as it doesn't have a heartbeat, it's fine with me.”

I frown. “Uh oh. I'm not sure whether elephants are returnable. I think the tent I bought this one under had a sign that said, 'Absolutely no returns or exchanges.'“

Luke snatches a bite of my cinnamon apples.

“Hey,” I object. “Those are mine! You should've gotten your own.”

“It's more fun to take them from you.”

His eyes sparkle, and his smile fills me with joy, and the words just tumble out of my mouth uncensored. “I love you.”

Luke's bluish-grey eyes widen and his mouth opens half an inch. He blinks at me several times. I want to curl up into a tiny ball and disappear into a crack in the floor, but there's nowhere to go.

“I'm sorry,” I say. “I—”

He puts one hand over mine, and the other over his heart. “Say it again.”

“I'm sorry.”

He shakes his head. “No, not that, goofball. The other part.”

I look at the wall and then back at him. “I don't think—”

He squeezes my hand. “Please.”

I sigh and force the words out. “I think I love you, Luke Manning, fixer of closet lights, frenetic tidier, phenomenal father.”

He breathes in through his nose and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, he's beaming at me. “I love you too, Mary Wiggin, genius with numbers, philanthropist, surrogate mother to so many, and devoted friend.”

“I don't want you to move,” I say, “and I know that's selfish of me. I know you like the change of pace, and you're showing your kids the world. I'm sorry I said you're a bad father for moving them. Really you're a great father. I just wanted you to stay, and I didn't know how to ask, so I tried to make it about something else.”

He takes my other hand in his, too. “You were right. I was hurt, I was offended and I didn't want to hear it. When my wife died. . . We didn’t find out she had cancer until she was in her second trimester with Chase. She stubbornly refused to do a single thing, including more testing, until he was born. She didn’t even get to know him.”

He closes his eyes, but doesn't let go of my hands. “I loved her so much, Mary. Losing her decimated my heart, pulverized it. I took care of my kids, and I worked, and that's all I did. About a year ago, I decided I missed doing adult things. I started going out with friends and family, but they kept trying to pair me up with people. Ridiculous people. Clingy people. Annoying people. It made me nuts.”

“Sounds like your friends care about you, but I've been there too. Setups suck. In the last two months, I've gone out with a computer nerd so awkward he never met my eye in the entire two hours we spent at dinner, a taxidermist who pointed out to me every single animal we passed and how he'd preserve it after it died, and a slick corporate lawyer who didn't talk about anything but money. I'm also pretty sure the lawyer can't keep straight the things that actually happened in his life, and what things he's embellished. Either that, or he really did hike Mount Everest a week after arguing a landmark case before the Supreme Court. Which would require he have mountain goat blood.”

Luke releases my hands and starts eating again. “Oh man, before I met you, I went out with a ballerina who wouldn't consume anything but veggie sticks and fruit juice, a psychologist who spent the entire date analyzing me, which was painful and ridiculous, and a Mary Kay lady, who honest to goodness, gave me a skincare kit for my hands. I still get text messages from her every week or so advertising the deals of the week.”

I laugh. “I think my friends stopped setting me up with people they had considered and thought were a good fit a few years ago. Now I'm like that pasta trick, you know the one to test whether the noodles are ready?”

Luke shakes his head.

“You throw noodles at the wall and if they stick, they're good. They started just setting me up with anyone who was single, and a few people whose divorces weren't even final.” I pull a face. “For most of the people I've met in the last year, all we had in common was that we were both single.”

Luke chuckles. “Actually, one of my setups wasn't even single. Halfway through dessert, she mentioned her husband was very understanding.” He wipes his mouth. “I practically sprinted out of there.”

“You're kidding.”

He takes my hand in his. “My miserable dates over the past year were bad enough to make me want to go dig a hole and bury myself.”

“I'm glad you didn't do that,” I say.

“Me too.” He grins at me. “I haven't been this happy in more than four years. You're like finding the puzzle piece I didn't know was missing.”

“I'm happy when I'm with you, too. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry about your wife. I can't even imagine what that must have been like for you.”

“I'm glad you can't imagine it. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone.” He points at my leftover macaroni and cheese and cinnamon apples. “You done?”

I nod. “Go right ahead. But next time, you'll know to order some yourself.”

He bobs his head sheepishly. “I will. And speaking of pain, how was your ex's wedding?”

“Actually,” I say, “going to that helped me out.”

“Oh? How so?”

“This isn't going to make me sound very good, not compared to your declaration of how deeply you loved your wife, but...I realized I never really loved Foster to begin with.”

Luke's face stretches out. “Really?”

I look down at my hands. “Not in the same way as I care about you.” I force my eyes up to his, and they're shining at me, which makes me brave. “I loved the idea of Foster, but I didn't trust him, or myself. I'm still nervous I'll turn out to be like my dad, or my mom. They were the worst parents ever. But more than that, I didn't believe Foster would support me.”

Luke lifts one eyebrow. “I thought the guy was a spoiled rich kid.”

I shake my head. “Not like that. I mean, support me, and help me achieve my goals. My dad never supported my mom or me and Trudy, and my mom never supported my dad, or any of us.” I look back down at my hands and my voice drops. “I didn't trust Foster to be there when I needed him, or be okay with me not being who he wanted me to be, but who I really am.”

“You're saying you weren't filled with regret, watching the one that got away?”

I run my hand through my hair. “Uh, no. I actually couldn't decide who I felt more sorry for. The girl lying to her boyfriend so he'd propose, or the guy whose fiancé isn't actually pregnant. She couldn't even maintain the lie long enough not to get 'stumble and pass out drunk' at her own wedding.”

“I wish I'd been there to see that,” Luke says.

I squeeze his hand. “I do too, but I'm also glad I went with Trudy.”

“Ouch,” he says.

I shake my head. “No, not like that, but it was good for me to face up to the fact that I didn't trust him, and I wasn't me around him. It helped me realize I've been myself around you.”

Luke leans across the table and my heart accelerates because I think he's going to kiss me. Only, he doesn't. His forehead touches mine and his gorgeous eyes are so close, it looks like he's a Cyclops. “I'm glad you decided you can trust me.”

Then he backs away an inch or two and kisses me. I forget where we are until someone behind us clears her throat.

“Sorry,” Luke says sheepishly.

I glance at my watch and gasp. “Oh man, I've gotta get back. Trudy and Troy will be waiting on me.”

Luke carries our trays of discarded plastic and napkins to the trashcan, and then walks me out to my car. Before he lets me duck into my seat, he leans down and kisses me, like a kid in a candy shop. Eager, insistent, and joyful. When he finally pulls back, I'm dizzy. His hands steady me.

“I'm glad you accidentally said I love you,” he says. “But I'm saying this on purpose, and I'm going to repeat it whenever I see you. I love you, Mary. Drive safely and think of me at your family party.”

I touch my fingers to my lips. “Give your kids a hug for me.” I climb into my seat and turn on the car. Luke taps gently on the window until I roll it down.

“I think you forgot something.”

I glance in front of me and behind, but I don't see anything. I've got my keys and my purse. “I don't think so,” I say.

He tilts his head. “I love you, Mary.” He widens his eyes and bobs his head. “This is where you say...”

I chuckle. “Right. I love you, too, Luke. You super hot, immensely polite and irritatingly persistent man.”

This time when I roll up my window and put my car in drive, he grins that gorgeous grin of his, and waves as I drive away.