Chapter 66 Taste yourself, baby
Kara
“Saraphina, if you leave, you are going to lose me. For good.”
Those were the last words Cole spoke to me before we went our separate ways. No matter how badly I wanted to pretend they were not true, I knew they were. He meant every word. In fighting for the happy ending Ryan and I deserved, I had lost my closest friend.
When I walked into the apartment that night, Ryan took one look at my face and knew something was wrong. Concern filled his expression. He rose from the couch, crossed the room to me, and cradled my face in his warm hands.
“Hey,” he murmured, his voice soft. “Have you been crying? Sweetheart, what happened?”
I did not want to tell him. I did not want him to worry over me, or to second-guess what we had.
So I just shook my head. “It is nothing… I just saw a lost puppy in the park. It looked so heartbroken.”
“Oh, baby girl. Come here.” He drew me into his arms, one hand settling on the back of my head, his fingers slowly combing through my hair. “Do you want us to go get a puppy?”
“No, it is all right,” I let out a weak laugh. “I do not need a pet. I have you, do I not?”
“Woof,” he grinned.
I could not stop my own smile. No matter how heavy my heart felt moments before, one glimpse of Ryan’s face made the weight vanish. No matter what Cole believed about me, in this moment, I was certain I had chosen right.
“You are sure you are okay?” he asked again.
“Yes,” I said, offering a more convincing smile. “Just one of those days.”
Ryan released a quiet breath and rested his forehead against mine. One hand held my chin, his thumb brushing slowly over my lower lip. “I love you, Saraphina. You know that, right?”
“I know,” I whispered. “And I love you, Ry. So much.”
His lips curved into a smile just before he leaned in and closed the space between us. His kiss was gentle and loving, but also solid and deep. How could one simple thing make me feel so much? It made me feel courageous. It made me feel protected. With his mouth on mine, it seemed like nothing in the world could touch us.
“All right,” he said, pulling back suddenly. “I think I know what will help.” I saw that familiar spark in his eyes and knew exactly what he meant.
A mischievous smile touched my lips. “Milkshakes?”
The next thing I knew, Ryan and I were at the corner store, leaving with six different pints of Ben & Jerry’s. Back home, we blended some into milkshakes and ate the rest straight from the containers. I felt six years old again, laughing secretly with my mother while we sneaked sweets behind my grandmother’s back.
I might end up with a sugar coma, but honestly, it would be a wonderful way to go.
In a single night, Ryan had turned the worst day of my life into one of the best. We were curled on the living room couch with The Office playing quietly. I was settled in his lap, and he was feeding me spoonfuls of ice cream. I paid him back with light kisses on the tip of his nose. My chest felt so full I thought it might glow. I could not have stopped smiling if I tried. And no, it was not the sugar.
I was lost in the perfection of it when Ryan suddenly moved the ice cream tub aside. He lifted me up, then laid me back down gently on the cushions.
“Ry?” I breathed out. “What are you doing?”
A wicked smile spread across his face. “We have had so much ice cream. Now we need to work it off. Burn some calories.”
I shook my head, laughing. “My god, you are as charming as always.”
“And you,” he smirked, “are as tempting as always. Still my favorite thing to taste.”
“Ryan!” I scolded, my cheeks heating until they matched the brick wall behind him.
He only laughed. Paying no mind to my embarrassment, he began to kiss a path down my body. Before I could process it, he had drawn my underwear down and his mouth was pressed against me, leaving burning, open-mouthed kisses right where I needed him most.
Holy fucking mint chocolate chip.
Electricity began to spark under my skin, racing through my blood as Ryan’s mouth worked. My fingers gripped his hair. Every muscle in my body grew taut. My quiet sounds became cries when I felt his finger slide inside me. All the while, his tongue moved over that perfect, sensitive spot. A powerful wave crashed through me, my release breaking over his mouth. It did not slow him; it only seemed to drive him on. He let out a rough, hungry sound as he tasted every bit of me.
“God, you are incredible,” he said, his voice strained.
Slowly, he moved back up my body until his face was above mine. He dipped his head and kissed me, his tongue sweeping into my mouth.
“Taste yourself, baby.”
I obeyed, opening for him, letting our tongues meet. On my lips, on my tongue, I could taste my own warmth. A low sound escaped me as the flavor spread through me.
“Mmmm,” I hummed. “I still prefer how you taste.”
He laughed, the sound was rough. “Oh, fuck. Look who is charming now?”
I did not answer. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down until not a breath of space remained between us. Our bodies became one as I felt him push inside, filling me completely, and my tongue met his again.
Nothing could ever pull us apart now. As long as he was with me, there was nowhere else I would ever need to be.
Ryan
Most surfers have a favorite board. They choose one, call it their lucky one, and they stick with it, carrying it with them everywhere.
But that was never me. I never wanted just one thing. This world is too full of things falling apart, so I never let myself hold on too tight. I held on to my mother once. Look how that ended.
But somewhere along the way, things shifted. I changed.
And I owe all of it to her.
A few nights ago, Saraphina was having a rough time, so we went and bought six pints of ice cream. We made milkshakes with some, ate the rest straight from the tub, and watched The Office. That night, I was stretched out on the sofa with her on my lap. I fed her ice cream, and she covered my nose in little kisses.
It was a simple night. But she has this way of making everything in my life better, and it had nothing to do with the dessert.
Right then, I understood something. Eating ice cream with her on our couch was better than catching waves on every beach in Australia, Portugal, and South Africa put together. I would rather hear her laugh in our living room than listen to street musicians in Mexico or an opera in Berlin.
Yesterday, she took me to her favorite art gallery. She said everything there was beautiful.
I disagreed. How could anything else be beautiful when I was holding her? I looked at her, and knew I would rather look at her than at every famous painting on earth. Well, except for that incredible portrait show I saw in Tokyo, thank god she has not been, so we can see it together for the first time. There is no greater feeling than picturing the whole world with her beside me.
Last night, we walked through Washington Square Park, our fingers linked together. The sun was going down, and I remembered all the stunning sunsets I have seen in my travels. But what good were all those colors in the sky when I never had the right person standing beside me as the light faded?
I wasted three years of my life without her. So I made a promise to myself: from now on, I will not waste another single second.
This morning, I walked her to campus. Normally, I would head home or to the coffee shop to work. But today, I had a different plan. Instead of turning back, I looked up an address on my phone and walked to Greene Street. After twenty minutes, I stopped in front of the store window and saw my own reflection in the glass. I had to pause and talk myself into going inside.
Honestly, I never thought I would end up in a place like this. The moment I stepped in, I was completely out of my depth. It was all too much. I did not know where to start.
“Good morning. Welcome to Tiffany’s. How may I help you?” A pleasant-looking woman approached me.
They are not wrong when they say life is full of surprises. I never pictured myself, at twenty-two, standing in a jewelry store in Manhattan, saying these words out loud for anyone to hear:
“Hello. I need to see engagement rings.”
But that is exactly where I was.