Chapter 134

My head was spinning, and each breath felt heavier than the last. I sank onto my bed, gripping the phone tightly, my fingers trembling as the silence on the other end stretched unbearably.

"Thalassa," Hadrian exhaled my name, his voice sending an unsettling ripple through my body.

"Why... why do you have Freya's phone?" My voice wavered, the question barely making it past my lips.

"She gave it to me. She said you’d pick up if you saw it was from her," he explained.

A storm of emotions swirled inside me—anger at Freya for meddling, yet gratitude, too. I had convinced myself I was better off without Hadrian, but hearing his voice shattered that illusion. I missed him. Terribly. But longing came hand in hand with heartache, and the pain struck deep.

"Why are you calling me?" I forced the words out. "The bond between us is broken…"

"Did you really think it was just the blood bond that kept me with you?" His voice was quiet, yet firm.

I swallowed hard, my throat aching. "I think… not even the blood bond could stop you from hurting me."

A heavy silence followed. Then, softly, he admitted, "I know I hurt you… I'm sorry for what I did. But what you saw between me and Selene—it wasn’t real. And deep down, you know that."

"Do I?" I whispered, swallowing back the sting of tears. "You pushed me to the point where I no longer knew what to believe."

"You should have believed in me… Thalassa." His voice was warm, steady—but it wasn't enough.

"You gave me no reason to." I spoke slowly, deliberately. "You kept me in the dark, made decisions without me, and expected me to follow blindly. Did you ever think… that I wasn’t worthy of your trust?"

"I was afraid, Thalassa!" His voice cracked, raw with frustration. "Afraid that if anyone saw how much you meant to me, they would use you against me! I was terrified of losing you—"

"But you lost me anyway," I murmured, pressing a hand to my aching chest. "And you did it yourself."

"Please, don’t say that…" His voice softened, almost pleading.

"I am the leader of the vampire race," he continued, bitterness lacing his tone. "I command the greatest army, yet I walk on eggshells around a woman I despise. Every time I get close to uncovering who supports her, another attack comes—bloody, calculated."

I could hear his teeth clench, frustration bleeding into every word. And despite everything, it hurt me to hear him like this—to hear his walls crack, to know that he was finally laying himself bare.

"I wanted to help you," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "And you rejected me."

"I didn’t want you to get involved, not when I didn’t even know who I was up against," he said, his tone coaxing.

"Are you serious?" My voice rose, sharp with disbelief. "From the moment I stepped foot in the palace, I was in danger! I was already part of this the second I chose to stand by your side! And yet you still left me—I had to face everything alone!"

"I was a fool!" he burst out, his voice filled with frustration. "Is that what you want to hear? I should never have let you go!"

I clamped my hand over my mouth, afraid he would hear the quiet sob that escaped. My heart pounded, but I willed my emotions into silence. There was no time for them now. I set the phone down for a second, took a few steadying breaths, and then picked it up again.

"I'm going to the war, Hadrian." I tried to sound composed.

"What?!" His voice turned sharp, furious. "I did everything I could to keep you safe, and the first thing you do after leaving me is risk your life?! And for who?! Kenzo?!"

"I'm not doing this for Kenzo!" I snapped, then forced myself to breathe, steadying my tone. "I'm doing this for myself. I refuse to live in fear any longer. It's haunted me since I was a child, and I need to face it."

Silence.

I knew he understood. And I knew that by now, he realized I was far stronger than I had been before. I heard him take a sharp breath.

"Just… stay close to Icarus. Promise me that." His voice was rough, filled with unease.

"I promise I won’t do anything reckless," I murmured, wiping away the last of my tears.

A heavy sigh escaped me. Strangely, saying it all out loud made me feel lighter, as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. For the first time in a long while, I felt a small sense of relief.

Until—

"Varen brought me the decrypted notes…" Hadrian's voice hardened. "I saw your name there."

I sucked in a sharp breath.

"Varen and I have been trying to uncover the identity of 'EH,' but we still have nothing," I admitted. "I thought… maybe it was someone from my father’s pack."

Hadrian sighed, but when he spoke again, his voice was cold. "You realize Kenzo fits the profile perfectly—"

"It’s not Kenzo." I cut him off, my voice firm.

"How do you know?" His irritation was unmistakable. "Because he’s your mate?"

"No!" I snapped. "I checked his handwriting, okay? It's not him!"

Hadrian exhaled, his earlier anger dimming. "I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to yell." He hesitated before his voice dropped, almost breaking.

"I'm losing my mind without you, Thalassa."

A crushing weight pressed against my chest, as if something inside me was breaking apart. His voice had always had the power to stroke my heart, to make it surrender completely. I knew, if he wished it, my heart would bleed for him.

But I couldn’t let it.

Not like before.

"I can't come back to you or the Palace—"

"Have you accepted Kenzo as your mate?" he interrupted, his voice edged with restless urgency.

I swallowed hard. The silence stretched between us, thick with tension. I could feel his anxiety growing with every second that I left his question unanswered.

"No..." I finally murmured, my voice uncertain. "I would never make a decision like that so quickly."

"But... you’re thinking about it?" His voice carried a raw blend of pain and anger, each syllable reverberating through my chest.

"Hadrian..." I forced out his name, the weight of my next words pressing down on me. "You have to consider that... maybe we’re not meant to be together."

The bitterness of my own words made me curl inward, but I had to say them—for my sake, if nothing else.

"Don't say that," Hadrian hissed, his voice tight. "You would throw away real emotions for a mate bond you can’t even feel?"

My fists clenched. How dare he speak as though he knew the storm inside me? As if he had any right to talk about my feelings? He had been an expert at ignoring them before I left.

"What real emotions?!" I scoffed, anger flaring in my chest. "What do you even know about my emotions?!"

"I can hear your heart, Thalassa," he answered calmly.

And just like that, the traitorous organ in my chest stuttered at his words, responding to him like a loyal hound hearing its master’s call.

"I know you still love me," Hadrian continued, his voice steady—not arrogant, just certain. "My feelings for you haven’t changed either."

"Hadrian, please—"

"Just give me a chance to make it right," he urged. "If you wait a little longer, I promise I will give you happiness."

I wanted to believe him.

"Please, Thalassa..." His voice—pleading, raw—was so unlike him, yet it was everything I had longed to hear. The warmth I had always needed from him.

"How long...?" I whispered, my resolve unraveling.

I heard his sharp inhale. "Once the Southern Moon Pack is destroyed, I will come for you."

My heart pounded wildly at his words, but before I could allow myself to hope—to get lost in the fantasy—I forced myself back down to reality.

"What about Selene?" I asked, drawing in a steadying breath.

He sighed, hesitation stretching the silence between us. "I can’t touch her until I know who’s working with her. I won’t risk more lives—especially now that I know that bastard has an interest in you."

"So you’ll keep up the pretense? Keep pretending you’re in a relationship with her?" My voice broke with frustration.

"No! This façade is over!" he exclaimed, his voice carrying an edge of desperation. "I haven’t touched her since the moment you left the Palace..." He trailed off, waiting, as if bracing for my reaction.

Ironic. I had to leave for him to finally understand how much he had hurt me.

"Hadrian... I need time to think about everything." My chest tightened painfully. "Even if you come for me when the war ends, I can’t promise I’ll choose you over Kenzo."

"I know..." His voice was deep, weighted with hurt. The pain in it made my eyes burn with unshed tears. "Just don’t choose him because you think fate demands it... That’s all I ask of you."

"I’ll follow my heart," I said simply.

A soft chuckle escaped him.

"What’s that supposed to mean?" I frowned.

"Nothing, sweet Thalassa," he murmured, the warmth in his voice unmistakable. "Rest well."

Despite everything, a stupid smile tugged at my lips.

"Good night, Hadrian," I replied, still flustered.

"Good night, Thalassa," he breathed, his voice a low caress.

"I love you."