CHAPTER 060
«JARVIS POINT OF VIEW»
I slammed my bedroom door shut with so much force that the sound echoed throughout the house.
~~
An hour later, the room was dark except for the faint glow of the streetlights filtering through my curtains. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, replaying the dinner over and over again.
Italy.
Three days.
Start fresh.
Was I something he needed to escape from?
Suddenly, a knock pulled me from my spiraling thoughts. I dragged myself off the bed and opened the door. Levi stood there.
For a second, neither of us spoke. He looked tired. Or maybe I just imagined it.
He walked into my room without waiting for permission. I shut the door behind him and crossed my arms over my chest as he turned to face me. “What do you want, Levi?” I asked sharply.
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Mom’s worried. You’re stressing her out with your behavior at dinner.”
I let out a hollow laugh, realizing he had come after an hour. “Is that the only reason you came?” I replied coldly. “If it is, you can leave. I’ll talk to her later.”
I moved toward my bed, but his hand grabbed my arm, stopping me. The warmth of his fingers against my skin sent a spark through me, familiar and dangerous.
My expression hardened. I yanked my arm free, stepping away from him.
“Why are you acting childish all of a sudden, Jarvis? This is getting old.”
The words felt like a slap.
I let out a disbelieving scoff. “I can’t believe you just said that. Do I mean nothing to you? Do you think I’m stupid?”
“What are you talking about?” he demanded, frustration flashing across his face.
Suddenly, I grabbed his collar and pulled him closer, my chest heaving. “What are you trying to do, Levi? What was that stunt you pulled at the table?!”
He pried my hands off and shoved me back. I stumbled but caught myself.
“I did nothing wrong!” he snapped. “I’m living my life. What is it to you? You’re just my little brother. You should be happy for me!”
The word hit harder than any shove. Brother. My eyes burned as tears blurred my vision.
Brother? The word echoed in my head, louder each time.
Brother. I was kissing my brother.
Sleeping with my brother.
Dreaming about a future with my brother.
Disgusting. I thought I had passed the self-hate, but I thought wrong.
The thoughts made me cringe, but even that disgust couldn’t suffocate the longing inside me. The craving. The way my body still leaned toward him instinctively.
Slowly, I looked up at him. “Is that what I am to you now? Your little brother? After a whole year. Do you fucking hear yourself? We are not related, Levi. I am not your brother!”
His anger faltered. He sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair.
“Jarvis… I’ve thought this through from every angle. It isn’t right. What we have is wrong. We’ve been doing this for over a year. I can’t keep feeling guilty every time I look at Mom. I can’t do this anymore. That’s one of the reasons I’m leaving. We need distance.”
It was wrong. The words rang louder than anything else.
I had known that from the beginning. The first time, his lips brushed mine by accident. The first time, the accident didn’t feel like one anymore.
I had planned to end this, too. I knew it was wrong. I knew it couldn’t last. So why did it feel like my chest was being torn open right now?
His eyes weren’t confused. They weren’t conflicted. They were sure. He believed he was right to leave me behind and move on with his life.
How do you let go of someone who became your air?
Memories flickered through my mind, every single moment we shared. Were those moments nothing? Were they just mistakes he was ready to erase?
I swallowed hard and forced out the question that had been haunting me for days. “D-did y-you c-cheat on m-me?”
The vulnerability in my voice embarrassed me, but I needed to know.
He stepped closer and cupped my face gently. The touch shattered what little control I had left. My body leaned into his palm before I could stop myself. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.
“I would never cheat on you,” he whispered against my mouth. “I love you so much it’s starting to hurt.”
Then why leave? But I already knew the answer. Because loving me hurt more.
Tears streamed freely now, sliding down my cheeks. I didn’t bother wiping them away.
“Can I ask one last favor?” I whispered.
He nodded without hesitation, though something flickered in his eyes: fear.
My hands slowly moved to the buttons of his shirt, undoing them one by one. Our eyes never broke contact. Each button felt heavier than the last, like I was unfastening something final.
Soon, his chest was exposed, rising and falling steadily beneath my trembling hands.
“One last time,” I breathed shakily. “I need you to make love to me. Please… let me feel you one last time.”
The room felt too small and the air too thin. This wasn’t about desire; it was about memorizing him: the way his skin felt beneath my fingertips, the way his heartbeat sounded when I rested my head against his chest, and the way he whispered my name as if it mattered.
If he was leaving in three days, then tonight would have to last a lifetime.
He didn’t answer immediately. His hand slid into my hair, fingers curling gently at the nape of my neck. His forehead rested against mine.
“Jarvis…” he murmured, my name heavy with emotion.
I closed my eyes. If this was wrong, then let it be wrong one last time. There was nothing wrong with wanting that, right?