CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
"Jeremy, when you said you'd help me fight my nightmares, this isn't exactly what I thought you had in mind," I say, handing Jeremy the screwdriver he requested.
"I think it's helping," he says, studying the instructions for the Ikea dresser he's building. "I mean, what could be a better distraction from nightmares than tackling Ikea furniture."
He's not wrong there.
In the two weeks since I broke down and finally told Jeremy about Owen, we've been settling into an apartment in Dawley, a rental for now, while we figure out what we want to do.
Jeremy admitted that he'd packed up his apartment in Chicago and put everything in storage here weeks before, when he tracked me down.
Apparently, there are more blonde models called Savannah and more modelling agencies than I could ever imagine. Certainly, more than he'd ever thought. In the thousands he told me. After he had, the rest was easy, since the number of blonde models called Savannah who were shifters, numbered one.
Even though we're renting, he's not in a hurry to unpack, and I'm not rushing to pack up all my things in Hardin.
Neither of us wants to stick around Dawley forever, but for now, it's as good a place as any. And strangely enough, in those two weeks, I've only had three nightmares so bad I woke in tears.
After each one, Jeremy and I have sex and cuddle before he drags me up to go build some furniture.
I would tell him it's the sex that helps take my mind off my nightmares rather than figuring out which screw goes where, but I won't.
There's something about watching Jeremy build furniture while he's naked…
I'm supposed to be helping him, but mostly I just hand him things and try not to get caught staring at his ass.
I should tell him about my nightmares changing. Only, I don't know how.
It's the reason I told Regan and Talis that Jeremy and I wouldn't be coming to Hardin for a while, that there were things we needed to deal with first.
While we are talking about the big things, it's not easy. It doesn't come easy for either of us since I struggle to talk about what happened without wanting to run, and Jeremy is apt to keep things from me because he's never had to share his life with someone before.
And he has this weird hang-up that I'm better than him, and it's only a matter of time before I realize it and leave him. I can't help but think it has something to do with what happened with Jackson and a fear our relationship will end the same way.
With a sigh, I wander out of the lounge while Jeremy is distracted and head for the balcony. Although I miss our larger hotel room balcony, it's outside, and I still get a nice view of the dark streets below.
It's late. About midnight I think, but the streets are still pretty busy. I think it's the reason Jeremy wanted me to see this place, and every time I step out because I need to breathe, I want to cry because he knew what I needed, and he gave it to me without my having to ask for it.
He never pushes me to talk, and when I have a flashback or I want to run, he takes one look at me and he says we should go running, and we do.
With Jackson staying at the Merrick house since it and all the surrounding land now officially belongs to the Stone brothers who, I recently learned, did okay for themselves investing in property, we go there.
So, when I need to run from my ghosts, we climb in his car and make the drive to what is now the Dawley-Stone pack land and we run until I've left my ghosts far behind.
"Sweet?"
I turn around and find Jeremy standing in the doorway.
He's been there a while. While he knows I need space to go away and think sometimes, he will find me when I'm in danger of sinking too deep into my memories.
I straighten from the balcony edge and go to him.
I don't say a word, just slip my hand in his and lead him back to our bed, and we climb in so we're lying side by side.
"I'm not having the same nightmares," I tell him.
"I know, sweet."
Of course, he would.
Since I can't lay this close to Jeremy without touching him, or without him touching me, I lay my hand flat on the bed between us and he covers it with his much larger, warmer one.
"We have sex a lot," I tell him.
He blinks at me, and I fight to hide my smile at his confusion. "Uh, what?"
"It's only a matter of time before I get pregnant."
The confusion on his face smooths away.
"I mean, Talis was pregnant in two weeks, and I think we must have had at least three times the amount of sex they did."
Now it's his turn to fight back a smile as he moves his hand to my hip. "I'm guessing this is going somewhere, sweet."
"What if we're terrible parents? I mean, neither of us wants the responsibility of leading a pack, and I'd say a baby is an even bigger responsibility, wouldn't you?"
For a long moment, Jeremy regards me in silence.
I think back to one of our first serious conversations about our future.
It was strange hearing an alpha say they didn't want to lead a pack. When he told me shortly before we moved into this apartment, I didn't know what to say.
I felt stupid for thinking all alphas would want to lead a pack when, as an alpha, it's never interested me. It seems ridiculous now to imagine I'd be the only one to think that way.
"Savannah, leading a pack requires a level of dedication, and patience that I don't possess. I've never been interested in it. But for Jackson, this need to nurture and build a pack of his own is part of his DNA."
I wait for Jeremy to get to the point because I'm sure he has one. He always does.
"But a baby? Come here." He rolls onto his back and tugs me toward him until I'm straddling him, then he slips my shirt over my head and tosses it to the floor.
His eyes go to my stomach, and he brushes my aside hair.
When he places a large hand over my lower belly, I feel a fluttering at the thought of being pregnant with Jeremy's child. "When I think of my child growing right here, I know I will do whatever it takes-be whatever is required to give it the best life I can. I can walk away from leading a pack without a second thought. That means nothing to me. But you? It would kill me to do the same to our child."
The intensity in his whiskey brown eyes makes it impossible for me to look away.
I swallow because it feels like there's something stuck in my throat.
"Is that why you dropped your coffee in Denny's?"
I'd almost forgotten about him making me drop my coffee when he called me maternal, and I consider lying, but Jeremy and I have come so far since then. It doesn't seem right to.
I nod.
"Savannah. When I think of how fiercely you guarded that last donut the other day, I have no doubt that you will-"
I poke him between the ribs, and he lets out a far louder growl than the act warrants.
"Fuck! Savannah, that hurt!"
"Then don't compare our future baby to a donut. And it didn't hurt. You're just being a baby."
Eventually, Jeremy stops rubbing at the spot I poked him, and he raises his hand to curve it around my nape. "Anything else you want to tell me before we go back to building furniture?"
Since I was expecting his next words to be about sex, I blink in surprise.
But when I see his lips twitching, I narrow my eyes. "I bet you think you're hilarious, don't you?"
"I do." He presses on my nape, and I bend over him for a soft, lingering kiss.
I sigh into his mouth as he deepens it. But when his hands go to my hips, to shift me back and onto him, I break the kiss.
Jeremy's eyes flutter open. "What is it, sweet?"
"Nothing I want to say," I tell him, and I reach for him through our mate bond.
Now there are fewer shadows, and less pain, I reach for him more.
My heart isn't as filled with all the things I was looking to avoid, it's slowly filling with memories of him, of our love, and it shines so bright, it's easy to focus on that instead of everything I've lost.
"I love you, Jeremy Stone," I tell him because I'm not sure I've shown him enough in the mate bond.
He rolls us and cages me between his arms. "I've always seen it. I've always known," he says, lowering his mouth to mine. "And I love you too, Savannah Stone."
"Wait a second, we didn't talk about-"
Jeremy kisses me, and my complaint, my arguments, all of it fades into nothing.
I wrap my arms and legs around him, and we come together so perfectly as if we were made for each other.
And then I remember we were.
I smile against his lips.
Mate.