Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!
I mentally scold myself as I stare up at the ceiling and hold onto these sheets with all the strength in my fingers not to get up now and go downstairs to get that girl and
I wipe my hand across my face.
She must be laughing at me right now.
How could I have been so stupid as to think she was kissing me because she wanted to? Because she was annoyed that I hadn't kissed her?
I confess that when she asked me to apologize in another way, I even prepared myself that she would try something to get that key, and I joined in her dance.
I could take advantage of the moment. Kissing a girl is always nice. The problem is, kissing Molly is too good.
As the seconds went by and the way she was kissing me, I even thought that she was doing it because she wanted to, and it wasn't part of her plan.
And it only became more and more apparent when she laid me down on this bed.
It was too much.
I wanted her all over me so badly that I let my thoughts go on and started to think about it. I was really in the mood.
She let me touch her body, where I had never touched her before, and I fell for it that she was feeling the same way I was.
I even told her that I loved her mouth.
And she did.
I feel like the stupidest person on the face of the earth.
I never want to look her in the face again.
The problem is that the biggest hate I'm feeling isn't for her. It's for me, for allowing this.
I take a deep breath.
The problem is also that despite my anger, I still remember her on top of me, slowly rubbing herself against me and kissing me.
And I'm still so hard it's painful.
I look down and say:
''You'd better stay on your own. Because we're not going to have anything today.''
...
I wake up and see on the clock that it is seven in the morning.
What the hell! I didn't want to wake up so early on a Sunday.
...
After I shower, I stand in the middle of my room for a while.
It is still horrible to remember what happened yesterday.
I just wanted to let it go and be angrier with her and not think about what I would say when I saw her in the living room.
...
I look around the room and see only under the covers my sister and Chantal.
But I don't see Molly. I don't know if I feel better or angry that I can't face her and show her that I am doing just fine, even after the prank she did to me.
I sit on a couch and look at the girls over there.
They don't look like they are going to wake up for now.
I don't know what to do. I would play games or watch some movies, but I don't want to go back to my room now and remember those scenes, and I can't turn on the TV here because I don't want to wake them up.
My sister is in a terrible mood when someone wakes her up early.
...
I turn the knob and see that the door is not locked.
Good.
Better to take her by surprise.
She must know that she can't do something like that and get away with it.
... Molly...
I couldn't sleep.
I didn't sleep at all.
I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened in that room. It took all the strength in the world not to stand there and finish what we had started.
I tempt to the instant our lips met.
I wanted that key. I made up a plan:
• Kiss Chris.
• Put my hand inside his pants.
• Get the key and get out of there before I did something stupid.
But my body didn't want to do something that simple, not after the way he was kissing me.
So I kept finding a way to prolong it as long as possible, even though I knew we wouldn't end up having sex in that bed.
I couldn't, not after everything he had already put me through. If I allowed that, it would be like admitting that I had a crush on him because I was the one who started kissing him in the first place.
As much as I changed my mind about where this would lead, I stuck to the initial proposal of just being a trick to get the key.
And I knew he would hate me after that, so I enjoyed it while I could.
I just wanted to forget it ever happened because it was so good.
Now I have to prepare myself for Chris's eternal hatred.
I made some coffee at Julie's house for when they woke up, and so did he. I didn't want to stay there and have to face him today.
He has a very bipolar way of reacting to things, and I certainly wouldn't be happy with the outcome of today's reaction.
...
I decided to make coffee here, too, since I woke up at six and can't sleep anymore.
I shake my head to the music resounding in my headphones.
I finish the coffee and turn to pick up the cup.
I hold my heart as I bump into him.
''Chris?''
He doesn't answer me.
He looks annoyed. I take off my headphones as I question:
''How did you get in here?''
He says:
''The door was open.''
I walk over to him to check, but he steps in front of me, preventing me from doing so.
'' But what the...''
He interrupts me, looking me in the eye:
''Why did you do that?''
I look at him seriously and answer:
''I wanted to get out of there.''
'' It didn't look that way.''
''And what did it look like, Chris? That I wanted to have sex with you?''
''That was already pretty obvious when you started kissing me.''
I'm laughing now, but not because I think it's funny.
He continues:
''In the kitchen, it was also apparent that your current, what's his name again? Ah, Jack. He wasn't doing well enough. So I know you came to my room because you wanted to have sex with me.''