Chapter 28: Russia

**Nat**

I said goodbye to Yuki and Haruto. I knew he was sad, but it was better this way. I tried, I swear I tried to like him in another way, but I couldn't. And it would be worse now that I was an embarrassment, what could I do to him? He didn't deserve this. I could put my best friends at risk.

I got on the plane and knew I was burying Natsuke forever. Now I would learn to live as I was, a freak. Everything that happened that night, when I turned 21. I had one of those nightmares again where a giant black wolf appeared and I ran towards it. That's it, me naked, in the forest, going towards a wolf.

When I told my mother, in the hospital, that I had this recurring dream, she told me very seriously that I had slept with a werewolf and I pretended to believe her because she was sick, I didn't want to contradict her. Then, for the first time, she told me a part of my story that I didn't know: that my father was Russian, whether I believed it or not, he was a werewolf. His name was Dmitry, he lived with his pack in Oymyakon, Siberia.

They met, she fell in love with him, but when she found out he was a werewolf she ran away. But she was already pregnant and didn't know it. She said that I was always very afraid that I would turn into one of them. No one believed her, they always called her crazy, including me. Then, when I turned 21, I was sleeping and I started to feel the worst pain in the world, all over my body, I thought my bones were breaking and rebuilding themselves. I screamed, but my voice was hoarse, I looked at my hands and they were hairy paws. I looked in the mirror and saw a wolf.

It could have just been a dream, but when I woke up in the morning and saw my pajamas all torn, I had no doubts. I had transformed. I was a monster, a freak, I needed to hide, I needed to stay away from people, so I decided to see if there was a Dmitry in the city of Oymyakon and I hired a private detective to find him.

To my surprise, my mother wasn't crazy. There was this Dmitry guy in this city, he knew that I was a possible daughter of his. With the help of an interpreter we made a video call, I looked a lot like his mother, he showed me photos. I had my father's eyes. When he told me that he raised wolves, I said that I liked wolves, he asked me if I had ever transformed. I told the interpreter that I hadn't understood. He said that my mother had talked to me about wolves. I said yes, that she thought my father was a werewolf.

I looked at them in disbelief because they didn't seem surprised. I then said that I thought I had dreamed that I had transformed into a wolf.

"Be careful, you need guidance, you need to know your wolf and your pack."

That's what the interpreter said. I asked if he was a wolf too. He nodded.

And that was when I realized that I could no longer be around my friends or Mat. I would never forgive myself if I hurt them.

I studied a few words in Russian, quit my job, got on a plane and met Dmitry in Moscow. He took me to a pack that had people who spoke English and Japanese, and I lived with the Snowblood Pack to learn how to control myself and understand the whole transition that I would now have to face. That was also when I heard the story about mates.

There were many young wolves in Moscow and I made some friends. One of them was on the ice hockey team, his name was Ivan, and I told him that I had a friend named Mateo who was American and gambled in Colorado. There was another wolf, Nikolai, who was interested in me, but I didn't want to get involved with anyone yet.

But Nikolai didn't know how to take no for granted and went to ask my father for my hand. I asked Dmitry to give me some time, he said that I had three months left, but that I would need to mate because I would soon go into heat. That was really wild for me. I cried a lot, I was devastated, but I started working with the kids in the pack and they were really cute. I met Luna Irina and she liked me and started teaching me a lot. I was getting used to that life when Nikolai managed to convince me to give him a chance. I told him about Mateo. So he swore we would take it slow.

One day, Ivan invited me to watch him play. Niko and I went to the stadium that I should have gone to a long time ago, but fate didn't want us to. Ivan and his team won the game and we celebrated, and we ended up meeting some Canadian players. Among them, the Canadian player Liam. Since I spoke English better than anyone there, they asked me to invite him to dinner with us and when he saw me, he asked my name, I answered Natsuke and he blinked twice. He asked to take a picture with me.

"Are you Natsuke from Kyoto?"

"Yes, I lived and studied in Kyoto."

"Where do you live now?"

"I'm here in Moscow, in Ma… "— I held myself back because I didn't know if I could talk about the pack.

"Ivan said I could talk, we were all wolves."

"Are you a wolf?"

"I… I didn't know until recently."

"Moya Krasivaya…"

Nikolai was calling me. He was a little possessive and saw that the conversation was dragging on.

"Well, I have to go, it was nice meeting you Liam."

"You don't remember me, do you?"

"No, I´m sory. I Know you?"

"Maby." — He smile.

Nikolau glared at him.

When we got back to the Pack House, Nikolau asked us to go for a run with our wolves.

I really needed to connect more with Irene and I accepted. We went to a clearing and transformed back. I was learning not to feel ashamed of being naked in front of the other wolves, but we had clothes and coats scattered around the territory to make our changes easier.

Nikolau handed me a large T-shirt and put on a pair of shorts despite the cold night. He was very handsome despite having a serious demeanor. He had long black hair and a trimmed beard that suited him. Maybe if my heart wasn't with someone else, I could try it with him.

I felt him come up to hug me from behind and try to kiss my neck. That bothered me because that was where Mat was sucking and kissing me...

For a minute I think I got carried away and imagined that it was Mat and not Nikolau who was there. But my wolf growled and I realized that I should stop him.

He tried to kiss me and I backed away.

"Please, I'm not ready yet."

"Nat, I said I'd wait, but you need to let me try to get really close."

"Nikolau, I'm trying. But I can't. It's not you, it's me..."

"Are you suffering for someone? Because he's not here"

" It's complicated... he's not a wolf, he lives in another country."

" Those are excuses, if he wanted to he would drop everything and be with you. But you're deluding yourself."

That hurt me. He wasn't wrong. If Mat really wanted to try, he could introduce me to his family. He never mentioned that possibility.

"A man has to have attitude."

"Yes, you're right, but convince my heart of that. I need a little more time, just please."

"Come here."

He pulled me and showed me a tablecloth and a basket with wine, cheese and fruit. I was surprised. Nikolau was not the romantic type.

We sat on a tablecloth and drank all the wine. I don't know if it was the full moon or the wine, but I let our hands touch and he caressed my back. There were no sparks like with Mat, nor did his eyes hypnotize me, but it was good.

I couldn't wait my whole life for a boy either. I had to move on.

I kissed him, promising that he would take me home.